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Post by Atticus on Jan 29, 2012 22:40:03 GMT
Just thought I'd mention that the point of setting up this forum was to promote mutual help and understanding.
It's a support group, not Fight Club.
A
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Post by phil on Jan 29, 2012 22:40:44 GMT
steph it's not a gang up witch hunt ambly has server depression if you read his post's he wants his girlfriend to go back to live with her father WHY? i guess you would come up with it's because people are pushing him and he is reflecting this on her psycho bull shit! let ambly answer! is this the case or are you being cruel to be kind as you do love her but you feel a total failer and you don't want her in the picture because by being a bastard it is less of a burden on her if you act on you're idealism! i got 3 friends in the same position as you now but they cope by cutting! i lost a mate to suicide just the other week just folks i grew up with! all i takes is an infection in one of them cuts to cause septicemia! you are crying for help then patronising suggestions as most folks have not cottoned on to the fact how bad things really are! and that is the point. noboby here can give you what you really need! the NHS should be fucking dealing with this! you should have a crash team and a adult social worker standard! i wernt joking earlier the police must section you under the mental health act but to get you proper treatment it should not have to come to somthing as drastic as that to get it!
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Post by Deleted on Jan 30, 2012 0:42:47 GMT
jonboy are delusion of grandure an aspie trait then? Not in all cases, but some people I have met with AS have strong traits, others less so. I am guilty of having them too at various points in my life. I think when my moods are low, then I am more prone to them. I don't think I am too bad with this trait, although occasionally I will meet someone, and I can't help but feel like they are inferior. I will keep it to myself though - some Aspies I know will say something to the person, either not knowing what pain it will cause them, or maybe they are just an arsehole, and enjoy other peoples misery. John
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Post by phil on Jan 30, 2012 15:37:02 GMT
john, and now he knows being of superior interlect lets see if any of this is taking on board?
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Post by Deleted on Jan 30, 2012 16:51:57 GMT
I am hardly deluded, my IQ is a matter of record.. my point is its know good having a V12 engine when the gearbox doesnt work.
And Jeff Waynes War of the worlds? I always thought it was a bit trite that they get killed by bacteria being as life is not possible without bacterial interaction. Great tune tho.
The crisis team are about as useful as a chocolate bomb shelter btw, and as I have no dependants social services couldnt care less.
Anything else?
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Post by Deleted on Jan 30, 2012 16:55:34 GMT
Also "minds vastly superior to our own", infering that its not a matter of pure intellect but actual evolution of mental capacity.
Currently even our best and brightest only have the slightest concepts of the deep sectets of the universe, and then use a language that originally existed so one monkey could tell another one where the bananas were to explain them to others.
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Post by Deleted on Jan 30, 2012 16:56:48 GMT
I am hardly deluded, my IQ is a matter of record.. my point is its know good having a V12 engine when the gearbox doesnt work. And Jeff Waynes War of the worlds? I always thought it was a bit trite that they get killed by bacteria being as life is not possible without bacterial interaction. Great tune tho. The crisis team are about as useful as a chocolate bomb shelter btw, and as I have no dependants social services couldnt care less. Anything else? my fingers are frozen and there's a hole in your shoes. how was your day today? mine was ok, i went to the CBT thing again. but i'm still not convinced. my bloody cockerel just went for me whilst i was slipping in the mud trying to maneuver my way out of the pen after giving them some mixed corn to keep them warm for the cold night... ungrateful sod!! i lost my shoe in the mud and then stepped right in cold mud and soaked my sock. I'm now sat in my wooly warm socks under a blanket watching Call the Midwife. it's ammmmuuuusing for now. btw, you spelled dependents wrong. LOL!! <jokes>
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Post by Deleted on Jan 30, 2012 17:19:14 GMT
yeah, I am usually pretty fastidious with spelling, call me anal but on here when I am angry I tend to type to quick.. plus this is a CRAP BLOODY keyboard.
Still feeling like shit, tidied the flat ab bit then though, why am i bothering? did some washing and watched series 2 of ER...yup pretty much where I was 7 years ago, except without uni to look forward to and not suspended on full pay....
Looking into the physisians assistant jobs tho..maybe if I do a degree via OU maybe one day....
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Post by Deleted on Jan 30, 2012 17:19:39 GMT
yes I know misspelled physicians
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Post by Deleted on Jan 30, 2012 17:24:12 GMT
and although I am gonna get CBT its more desperation than anything, the more I learn about ADHD and associated disorders the more I thing talk therapy is a waste of time. At least without proper drugs therapy.
I get really pissed off with this guy I used to work with thats an expert on PTSD, if he talkt to ex soldiers like he talks to me its a wonder he hasnt had a nice beating yet...
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Post by phil on Jan 30, 2012 18:12:15 GMT
i have been where you are ambly! you really got to empathise with others on here that some of us left school without an education but at the time it was all our fault! there was no ADHD! theres people on here who would read you're posts and not even go there! no one said you had delusions of grandure i said you had grandiousity! meaning you know it all so whats the problem? the problem is the people who should be helping you are turning their back on you! what is going on is you are fanning you own fire! you are in a negative thought cycles! you're goal is to get better! the wanting a job is not a goal it is infact confirming you're belief system that you are a failer! and you're not a failer as you can say what you are going through! so out of every negative situation there is something positive to be gained from it! change you're goals and reduce the stress and anger! you know you're ill yeah wanting to self harm or commit suicide it's not logical! how about i make a sugestion that until you are out of this zone and thats all it is another zone! and you can be you're own best friend. forget getting a job! you would not last a day anyhow so it's a big waste of time and losing a job would crush you're self esteem making a bad situation worse! priority's for you is get well! do you agree with this or disagree with this?
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Post by Deleted on Jan 30, 2012 19:17:10 GMT
yes cos long term unemployment does wonders for my state of mind, I NEED to work, I need something to give structure in my life, something to look forward to, even if its wiping shitty arses.
What pisses me off more than anything is I have seen some of the people out there doing ambulance work, and clinical worse that even with the disorder I have are worse than me, in terms of skills, knowledge and talking to people.
I am just so fucking low, and this time I dont have the energy to pick myself up. And people know my name and not in a good way.
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Post by Deleted on Jan 30, 2012 19:22:58 GMT
no one said you had delusions of grandure i said you had grandiousity! I said delusions of grandeur - but after reading into it, I do think that grandiosity is what I meant. Sorry about that. John
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Post by Deleted on Jan 30, 2012 19:44:26 GMT
yes cos long term unemployment does wonders for my state of mind, I NEED to work, I need something to give structure in my life, something to look forward to, even if its wiping shitty arses. What pisses me off more than anything is I have seen some of the people out there doing ambulance work, and clinical worse that even with the disorder I have are worse than me, in terms of skills, knowledge and talking to people. I am just so fucking low, and this time I dont have the energy to pick myself up. And people know my name and not in a good way. I can relate to the wanting structure in your life. I have had some fairly dark depressive episodes in the past when I felt like I had nothing to offer, nothing to do, no purpose in life etc. I have not had a proper job for 15 years + It's hard to tell someone what I do for a living (play fruit machines) without feeling like a bit of a fraud. Plus all the questions start about how I do it, or "no one can beat the machines" etc. I am glad now that I can say I care for an autistic teenager instead, even though I only care for him maybe 10 times a year. It gives me a little more pride when someone asks what I do for a living. When I was in such a deep depression, I found it nigh on impossible to motivate myself to do anything at all, so I can't really offer any help in this respect. Talking did help though. I hope that (inbetween the frustrations/arguements) talking about it on here has helped to some extent. Do you have a MIND near to where you live? They are pretty good with offering help to people with all mental illness. It might be worth giving them a call, or popping round to their local branch to see if they can help in any way. www.mind.org.uk/John
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Post by phil on Jan 30, 2012 20:37:43 GMT
Ambly Everyone has a system of belief! Sometimes our minds come up with things, explanations! Of the cause of the problem! And things get affirmed in you're mind that not having a job is the root cause of these self harming! And suicidal idealation! Zones! So basically you have self programed another idealation that this job is the answer to everything! You have hope and you are hoping things are going to work out as soon as you get a job! And if you get a job and this black cloud don't lift? You have adult social services and you don't need dependents!
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Post by Deleted on Jan 30, 2012 21:51:53 GMT
Srry but no-one beats the machines, obviously you have a gambling problem.
And sorry but I have had work over the last 15 years, a lot, I have a pattern of high attainment and then complete failure... time and time again.
You know what I wish I could just sit at home and rot, but there enough pride left to keep trying, cos I know I can do something that will help humanity one day. And I dont mean a few bits of arse wiping, I mean some proper research work, maybe a doctorate. I know its in their somewhere and its the disparity between where I am and where I should be that kills me.
And zones? WTF? Its not a matter of feeling bad, I am bad because I have had too much shit dumped on me at once. And right now the coping mechanisms arent working.
The demon is still hungry and angry but I find feeding him a few stupid people helps every now and then....
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Post by Deleted on Jan 30, 2012 22:05:51 GMT
Srry but no-one beats the machines, obviously you have a gambling problem. I know right, i was thinkin' the same thing, either that or it was a piss take. yeah it's like you get super hyped up about something and do really well, 'getting' the job. go through some hoops to keep it. have it for a while and then the shit hits the fan. you're either more trouble than you're worth or think you are and end up fucking it up by paranoia or your mouth. fucking roller coaster. LOL sorry, Phil. but that did make me laugh. you come up with the wildest shit. but it was a nice post never the less. ambly, Phil may be a little crackers but he's got a heart of gold. oh shut up. you're doing well, better than you think. and i put some duct tape on your shoes.
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Post by Deleted on Jan 30, 2012 22:14:22 GMT
Srry but no-one beats the machines, obviously you have a gambling problem. And sorry but I have had work over the last 15 years, a lot, I have a pattern of high attainment and then complete failure... time and time again. You know what I wish I could just sit at home and rot, but there enough pride left to keep trying, cos I know I can do something that will help humanity one day. And I dont mean a few bits of arse wiping, I mean some proper research work, maybe a doctorate. I know its in their somewhere and its the disparity between where I am and where I should be that kills me. And zones? WTF? Its not a matter of feeling bad, I am bad because I have had too much shit dumped on me at once. And right now the coping mechanisms arent working. The demon is still hungry and angry but I find feeding him a few stupid people helps every now and then.... I expected more from a self confessed genius I live in a house with no mortgage, and live reasonably comfortably money wise. I would use these reasons to prove that it is possible to beat the machines. I do have a gambling problem (I started out spending all my wages on fruit machines), but I used that to my advantage, and after many years of playing them, I have built up a lot of detailed knowledge in my head of how specific machines are programmed. Some weeks I have worked for more than 100 hours. I need to keep my brain stimulated, and this form of work was ideal for me for many years. I have not said anywhere that I have not worked for 15 years. I was referencing more that the sense of pride in telling someone that I do something more socially acceptable for a living. I thought that the feeling of pride that I got, was something similar to what you were striving for i.e. getting back to work. I have made a lot of money over the years out of other peoples misery (addicts), and I am not proud of that. It was the only thing I knew. I was (and still am when I control my impulses) one of the best at it. Don't set yourself unrealistic targets. As was mentioned earlier in the thread, get your mental health more stable first before anything else. John
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Post by Deleted on Jan 30, 2012 22:21:55 GMT
Srry but no-one beats the machines, obviously you have a gambling problem. I know right, i was thinkin' the same thing, either that or it was a piss take. This is exactly the problem I have had. People with such closed minds. It's so much easier to say I care for an autistic teenager John
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Post by Deleted on Jan 30, 2012 22:23:12 GMT
Erm sorry but Bollocks, game machines are designed so in the long run you loose money. The only people who make money from gambling are professional poker players, and even then they do it through tournament winnings.
I dont need to be a genius to know this, just a rational, skeptical real world mind. In addition to which my Paternal grandfather INTRODUCED games machines to the UK. And trust me he retired a VERY rich man. 10 kids all of them have a detached house....
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Post by Deleted on Jan 30, 2012 22:28:34 GMT
And I am not pulling it out my arse, google Herb Luke 1919 -1998, not a closed mind just have an understanding of how the real world works.
If you told me you made a fortune a la rainman at cards, you know what I might go for it, people do, autistic savants exist. NOONE BEATS THE MACHINES, I have a good understanding of the algorythms that they run on, the statistics of machines and the psychology of the gambler. Carry on convincing yourself all you want...
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Post by Deleted on Jan 30, 2012 22:37:16 GMT
Erm sorry but Bollocks, game machines are designed so in the long run you loose money. The only people who make money from gambling are professional poker players, and even then they do it through tournament winnings. I dont need to be a genius to know this, just a rational, skeptical real world mind. In addition to which my Paternal grandfather INTRODUCED games machines to the UK. And trust me he retired a VERY rich man. 10 kids all of them have a detached house.... First. I am not the spelling police, I make enough mistakes myself. But it's lose, not loose (the one spelling mistake that annoys me) second. I am actually interested if what you say is true about your grandfather. I used to own some vintage one armed bandits. I only have one now, and it's not an early one. Probably from the late 60's or early 70's. Thirdly (and this is where I question your logic) You just go back to your own world then. The world where machines are not programmed by humans. The world where humans do not make mistakes in programming. You are now sounding like you are really stupid. Total denial without any real knowledge in the subject. Maybe you are delusional after all, if you think you know more about fruit machines than me. I have only met one person that I would say knew more - and he had a kind of autistic savant skill. While autism has helped me immensly in finding flaws in the programming, I wouldn't call it a savant skill, more of an obsession in working out new programs. You are not really stupid though are you? You just wanted a response from me? John
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Post by Deleted on Jan 30, 2012 22:41:41 GMT
That's right. Nobody beats the machines. The algorithms are too complex for the average mind to crack.
You'd do better to not underestimate the people posting here; JB isn't average.
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Post by Deleted on Jan 30, 2012 22:42:26 GMT
And I am not pulling it out my arse, google Herb Luke 1919 -1998, not a closed mind just have an understanding of how the real world works. If you told me you made a fortune a la rainman at cards, you know what I might go for it, people do, autistic savants exist. NOONE BEATS THE MACHINES, I have a good understanding of the algorythms that they run on, the statistics of machines and the psychology of the gambler. Carry on convincing yourself all you want... Fire away. Tell me how they are programmed. I will even go as far as allowing you to name any machine from 1990 to 2005. You can then tell me how it's programmed. (I will hope you don't choose one of the 10% of machines or so that I have never played) Then I can tell you how it is really programmed. John
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Post by Deleted on Jan 30, 2012 22:51:26 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jan 30, 2012 22:54:24 GMT
Now tell me how the machines in the UK work.
You are telling me how completely random Vegas machines work
John
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Post by phil on Jan 30, 2012 22:54:25 GMT
Ambly it is a zone of depression! And it's not a life long illness and with the right treatment you can get out of this zone! With the right treatment you can prevent yourself from slipping back there! But the NHS like chucking Happy pills at folks because it's a cheap fix well say a patch, more that a fix! Ok you wan't work the biggest hardest and most self satifying job facing you is shifting that depression! Accepting that it will be the worst job you ever had! Have you got any skills? Can you paint! Write a book! Something you can work on from home? Something that will stop the negative thinking! Any hobbys? Try you're hand at writing try another subject to write about! Try poetry! When negative thought enters you're head create a positive one to kick it's arse! I'm starting to breed dogs! So i'm getting fresh air on walks and it's got pressure on me to build kennels i got a few weeks to do it in!
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Post by Deleted on Jan 30, 2012 22:55:42 GMT
RANDOM number generator, there's no "working out the system" machines are set to pay out a certain amount over the life of the machine.
Mathematically they are the WORST way to gamble, they hire top flight mathematicians, psychologists and engineers and spend millions to ensure people keep playing those slots.
As bad as I feel at the moment at least I am still rational, I dont suffer fools, and I dont accept nonsense. I really do feel sorry for you in a way, they say gambling can be the cruelist addiction. 100 hrs a week playing... I could break down the losses if you wanted. But most casinos reckon for around 800 per 10 hour session...
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Post by Deleted on Jan 30, 2012 23:03:18 GMT
And i have a few ideas phil, I am trying to get my self up and better, keep applying for jobs maybe try and do some St John stuff voluntarily.
Would love to do more rational/atheist stuff, really loving james randi and Richard Dawkins at the moment, gonna do some uni stuff via OU.
Need to hit the gym too. Still mega angry at the world tho.
and btw john random number generators have no memory for the past or plan for the future. They do not make decisions there is no "system" the reals on modern slot machines are meaningless. Theres not even all that much programming, any more than a washing machine.
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Post by phil on Jan 30, 2012 23:13:39 GMT
To truely have understanding of others you must must have insight of oneself- quote phil 2012 ;D lol
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