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Post by Deleted on Jan 28, 2012 20:17:13 GMT
I would like to speak to anyone else on here that is REALLY struggling day to day, with work, relationships etc. And isnt going to give unwarrented and pointless advice or tell me not to feel sorry for myself.
You know proper grown up discussion about the REAL barriers and problems caused by having a hairwired brain with no brakes.
And NO I AM NOT GOING TO SAY SORRY FOR USING NAUGHTY WORDS. Speak civilly to me, proper discourse and we will do fine.
Kameel can say what you want chuck.
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Post by Deleted on Jan 28, 2012 20:57:02 GMT
I'm crapping myself at work at the moment. i feel like i keep putting myself in situations to fail or set myself up and almost make myself fail. i just convince myself i'm useless or it wont work or they all hate me and i'm more trouble than i'm work. my last review my boss said i have to stop blaming my ADHD for my problems and fuck ups. That if i carry on they will turn round and say i'm not cut out for the job. I'm freaking out because i can't get that out of my head and i keep thinking oh god what if i fuck it all up. what am i gonna do, i don't have any more options to do what I want to do for work and i will have to do something i hate or so mundane just to get the bills paid.
then there's the home life, broke, can't have children because of my meds, meds aren't working as well as they were and i feel like i need another dose upping. my doctor won't listen to me about my hormones affecting my meds or my ADHD and the last time i spoke to him about going up another dose he said he didn't want to do that because he was sending me to CBT to try and get me off them so i can try to have a child.
I don't have a lot of confidence in the CBT to be honest and i don't feel like i can do my job with out my medication. I cant take time off work just to get pregnant because i don't know how long it will take or even if I can in the first place with my insulin resistance problems. I'm so fucking fat i don't have sex much anyway because i'm grossed out by myself. then to top it all off my insulin problems cause me to get these awful bumps all over me, like boils and cysts. some of them are on my labia minora. Imagine getting a zit on your lip, now imagine one the size of a pea, now imagine it on the head of your penis where it's the most sensitive. it's full of blood and puss and throbs before you get so fed up you soak in hot water and cry to squeeze it and make it pop so it dries up and goes away. I get that every month almost just before or just after my period. the times when I should be having sex with my fiance so we can try for children.
FUCK THAT.
I'm broken, i'm fed up and i can't help you ambly if you don't tell me what i can do to help you. but i'm not going to let you push me away like you do everyone else. i know what you're doing and i know how it works. you're gonna be ok.
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Post by Deleted on Jan 28, 2012 22:15:30 GMT
That's gonna Sting! Sorry I don't really have any buck up advice for u x. All I cam say is it is a legitimate excuse for problems bit that doesn't stop employers from making scapegoats. I have a real weight issue too myself I need to lose 2 stone but lack the self discipline to exercise, and in my current mental state think why bother? Maybe with drugs life will be easier but I doubt CBT as well. It's so easy to stand by and criticise other peoples decisions but you never really understand what it is to be another person particularly a complex one.
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Post by mighty on Jan 29, 2012 6:29:27 GMT
Think a vent/listen thread is a good idea if that's what this is. Sounds like a shitty time for some people right now.
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Post by Deleted on Jan 29, 2012 10:45:38 GMT
Its a shitty time for everyone, what with the recession its hard enough to get a job without disadvantages. Now even my partner is going to struggle to get work, so god help me.
Up to now something has always come up eventually to save me, this time however I think that I am going to sink, financially at least. Not pleasant and thanks to the paranoia of the public anyone who has even the slightest dent in their reputation or history is going to struggle to find any work in healthcare.
So what are my choices, nursing homes I have started to apply yet I distinctly promised myself I would NEVER do that again. I am so frustrated I am railing against a world that doesnt really care what happens to me, or anyone for that matter. The harsh realities of being human.
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Post by Deleted on Jan 29, 2012 10:51:25 GMT
And yes before anyone says, I AM full of self pity and anger, and WHY THE HELL SHOULDNT I BE? Life is not easy but it would be at least a more level playing field. I come on here to vent and put my point across, so I dare people to tell me to be positive, or I need to "want to change" I double dare you!!! There aint no postitives here right now, my stubborn refusal to not give up and try and study again, to get help certainly isnt down to the disorder. And my personaltity disorder certainly is, so unless you have walked a mile in my shoes.... And GIVE ME MY SHOES BACK KAMEEL!
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Post by boo on Jan 29, 2012 12:06:30 GMT
amblyman
the same goes for you! dont presume to tell people that they aint suffering because they have a different outlook to you, or because they try and use different methods of helping themselves (or if they dont appear to be as angry as you think they should be)
You have been really rude and spiteful to anyone who has replied, if they havent pandered to your pity party
we have all been there, we've all had our own pity party, and just because some of the people that have replied to you have chosen to try and help with positive words of advice or comfort, you have bitten their heads off and made them feel like crap!
and then gone on to tell them they cant be suffering as much as you if they can have any sort of positivity!
yesterdays post, you told kameel she had nothing to offer to the table and was simply picking fights and you werent playing anymore, but then later when it suited you, told the rest of the people that BOTHERED to reply, that only kameel really understood suffering!
its like you're trying to play ADHD Top Trumps!
I dont know about anybody else, but I was really angry at how you could be so bloody nasty, when people had obviously taken time out to reply, sometimes with some lengthy posts, and all you seemed to want to do, is make them feel shit too, well thanks for that amblyman, nice!
Just because I havent poured out my entire history or current life issue to you, doesnt mean they dont exist, just because i can reply to someone with what i hope are helpful words, doesnt mean i am not in a shit place myself
if someone is a member on here, it stands to reason they are suffering or have issues in one way shape or form..... so unless you have walked a mile in their shoes...............
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Post by Deleted on Jan 29, 2012 12:13:31 GMT
I think ambly just needs to get to know us a bit better boo, before he can accept we have been there. Maybe use this thread as a vent about our struggles and what we are dealing with instead of telling people how to fix it. Purely a listening and venting thread, not an advice one. And ambly u can have your shoes back when u tell me your real first name... Otherwise I'm keeping them and going to a muddy festival in them.
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Post by mizmog on Jan 29, 2012 12:45:55 GMT
Hello all, I'm not gonna say I hv any answers Ambly because I usually don't have, but I do know that when the sh*t really hits, I hv ranted on here, not necessarily looking for advice but just maybe someone to say 'i get it' ...
One of the worst feelings of ADHD and aspergers is thinking no one understands how it feels and to come on here and say what's in my head without worrying, has been a massive help!
Reading u being so honest might just make someone reading it feel their r not on their own!
No point trying to be PC with ADHD so I think an angry rant thread is a must... Xxx
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Post by phil on Jan 29, 2012 16:51:50 GMT
hey Amblyman. are you still after getting sectioned thinking this will help you out? this is what you do go in the A&E go to the toilets strip off and shit in you're hand and fucking throw it in the receptionists boat race and shout "SORT MY FUCKING SHIT OUT NOW" they will call the police and you will get sectioned under the mental health act ;D if they release you! you will find life was not so bad before you went in!
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Post by Deleted on Jan 29, 2012 17:45:18 GMT
Thankyou so much for the advice, what part of speak civilly doesnt compute in your tiny brain? I am used to being the smartest person in the room but its not exactly difficult in recent circles.
Gonna tell me how I am merely acting out, and attention seeking? Persistant thoughts of self harm and harming others are sooooo funny arent they. Its sooooo reasonable that the psychiatrist happily ignores your symptoms until the worst happens.
Are you bear baiting? wanting a response? You are beneath my contempt, below me, I could grind you under my intellectual heel at my best. Go on tell me how lucky I have it, go on tell me how worse people in Africa are starving aww and I am lucky I have my legs... aww diddums.
Some of us suffer from a real condition with real life problems, not erectile disfunction and a predaliction for coprosexiual play.
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Post by Deleted on Jan 29, 2012 17:53:02 GMT
my last review my boss said i have to stop blaming my ADHD for my problems and fuck ups. That's completely unacceptable.
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Post by Deleted on Jan 29, 2012 17:54:29 GMT
Thankyou so much for the advice, what part of speak civilly doesnt compute in your tiny brain? I am used to being the smartest person in the room but its not exactly difficult in recent circles. Gonna tell me how I am merely acting out, and attention seeking? Persistant thoughts of self harm and harming others are sooooo funny arent they. Its sooooo reasonable that the psychiatrist happily ignores your symptoms until the worst happens. Are you bear baiting? wanting a response? You are beneath my contempt, below me, I could grind you under my intellectual heel at my best. Go on tell me how lucky I have it, go on tell me how worse people in Africa are starving aww and I am lucky I have my legs... aww diddums. Some of us suffer from a real condition with real life problems, not erectile disfunction and a predaliction for coprosexiual play. *note* just in case you didn't read ANY of Phil's posts on this forum, you should never take his posts seriously. he's a little nuts. but we love him anyway. i think boo has feelings hurt though mate, you were a little rough. i know you don't have heaps of control sometimes though... but might be worth making a mental note. back to the venting. ;D
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Post by Deleted on Jan 29, 2012 17:57:12 GMT
my last review my boss said i have to stop blaming my ADHD for my problems and fuck ups. That's completely unacceptable. i know she's also told me I can't get a better position in the company that i want because i can't do the hours it requires. so i basically can never go anywhere in this job. i don't want to be core anymore i want to be initial response. i feel so trapped in my job because i can't cope with anything else and i'm afraid to go for something else having to tell them everything all over again and hoping they hire me.
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Post by boo on Jan 29, 2012 18:05:55 GMT
i think boo has feelings hurt though mate, you were a little rough. kameel, thanks but, NO! i do not have feelings hurt, i do not hold these ridiculous posts and comments in high enough regard to feel hurt by them!
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Post by Deleted on Jan 29, 2012 18:07:00 GMT
i think boo has feelings hurt though mate, you were a little rough. kameel, thanks but, NO! i do not have feelings hurt, i do not hold these ridiculous posts and comments in high enough regard to feel hurt by them! erm ok... pissed off, angry, stupefied! ? ;D
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Post by Deleted on Jan 29, 2012 18:08:14 GMT
If feelings are hurt by a few harsh words then I think it best if she doesnt try and confront me head on. I have VERY little patience at the moment for people who want to stand by and snipe at people having a rough time.
Have I ever once given unwarranted advice or told you to buck up Kameel? All I can do is read your posts when you Vent and commiserate. I dont understand your situation any more than you, can mine but we both have a route cause.
I am sorry but ADHD obviously has levels of severity as well as comorbidity, in my case its PRETTY FUCKING BAD and it always has been. I quite possibly have severe personality disorders and maybe Aspie/Autism Spectrum. All wired to a brain that is capable of out thinking 95% of the population, that isnt the advantage its meant to be, if I was dumber I would have got help at school, I would have got diagnosis and assistance.
Instead I get to come on here and listen to condescending crap. Ahh the joy.
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Post by Deleted on Jan 29, 2012 18:18:49 GMT
Interesting you arent "hurt" by my ridiculous posts but you just HAD to have a reply to them, could't possibly keep your opinions to yourself.
And running off to the mediators when I throw a few naughty words... words that exist for a reason, to get across the anger and contempt when "oh I strongly disagree" just simply doesnt cut it.
I may disagree with Kameel and get annoyed but yes I do see the symptoms there at least, I get a gist that there is actual life effects. As with some other people on here, on the other hand theres a lot of happy clappy, things will only get better Nulabour nonsense on here too.
As you can see I tend to have a disruptive influence whatever I do, wherever I go. Why should I be suprised on here would be different....
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Post by boo on Jan 29, 2012 18:33:45 GMT
Instead I get to come on here and listen to condescending crap. Ahh the joy. no-ones forcing you to log in, post, or read! get a grip
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Post by Deleted on Jan 29, 2012 18:56:01 GMT
oh, thankyou so much for letting me see the light!!!
oh all I needed to do was "get a grip", its all so simple now!, Hallelujah! I am cured, praise the LORD!!!
I was blind but now I see!!!
How foolish of me to have needs and desires, how idiotic to be in pain and try and tell other people!!!
Oh no what have I done, how could I possibly make up for being so selfish...grovel grovel... How coul I a mere beginner in the world of ADHD have any understanding about people who have had treatment for years..
and self help how fooolish of me not to want to be better...right off to the library now...no more doctors appointments for me!!!
I wont have to bother with the NHS now thank goodness!!!
maybe I should right my own story.... sell it as an inspiration to others. dedicate it to my friend online who told me to get a grip...
;D
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Post by Mouse on Jan 29, 2012 19:03:48 GMT
"Instead I get to come on here and listen to condescending crap. Ahh the joy.'"
You do have a choice.
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Post by phil on Jan 29, 2012 19:11:26 GMT
Steth: prove it pot,kettle, black to coin a phrase!
I gave amblyman some information on how to get sectioned!
This should not have to happen it's just another example
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Post by Deleted on Jan 29, 2012 19:54:11 GMT
I am used to being the smartest person in the room but its not exactly difficult in recent circles.....You are beneath my contempt, below me, I could grind you under my intellectual heel at my best. Smartest person in the room? Seriously? Ooo. It's a shame you didn't apply all that processing power by getting to know Phil a bit better before you reacted to him. Kameel pretty much summed things up on that front, but missed off the bit about his awesomely thick skin and his tenacity. So go on - take him on, try to 'crush' him; you might win on points each round, but you'll have to have the stamina for a full thirteen. Your intellectual arrogance is impressive; outgunned only by your ADHD one-upmanship. Haven't seen the like since the epic 'Hyperfocused' joined for a spell a while back. He was, like you, eager to share his incisive insights into the nature of our shared disorder - because we clearly hadn't spotted the impact it was having in our lives - while giving us the added benefit of his views on our strengths and weaknesses. Double bubble. Sadly missed... This forum is full of brainy folk; it's a shame you don't seem quite bright enough to spot that. But don't worry - a lifetime of living with ADHD has given most of them a bit of humility and compassion for others with the disorder, so they'll probably just keep cutting you plenty of slack while you catch up.
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Post by boo on Jan 29, 2012 20:30:48 GMT
I am shocked at the level of education of the british public, is it just me? I know I have problems but JEES people are thick! While I am moaning, I had a manual handling instructor that couldn't spell manual handling, sorry dyslexia is not an excuse. maybe I should right my own story.... ..right off to the library now... for a dictionary?
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Post by phil on Jan 29, 2012 20:35:11 GMT
shiny: i was drawn to that quote myself ;D the end bit sounds like somthing out of merlin! all very grandious! or is it off some harry potter film? we are all mere peasants i'm too stupid and simple! lol Ambly man: am i right in saying that you are looking for someone that mirrors you idealisms? ect ect;
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Post by Deleted on Jan 29, 2012 21:14:11 GMT
Delusions of grandeur indeed.
It is not that people are thick Amblyman, it is that because you do not understand them, that you percieve them to be thick.
I would hazard a guess that you would put anyone in this category that does not agree with your thoughts on a given subject.
You know yourself what you need to do to get out of the mess you are in. Anyone that tries to give you advice, just gets abuse off you.
Fair enough, rant on these forums - that is what they are there for. But you have to give as well as take. We are not your enemy here, your enemy is yourself, for not even beginning to understand that the world does not revolve around you.
Respect is earned. You complain that you seem to alienate/piss off people wherever you go. If you use that intelligence that you say you have so much of, then you will know already that it is because you don't even begin to be civil with people that have spent their time trying to help you.
You are not going to lose any pride on this board if you really want to try and get on with the people on here better. Most of us on here have been through some pretty shitty times too, and because we have ADHD, we are used to heated debate that soon gets forgotten about.
To reply to something you said earlier in the thread, I had a similar feeling of being superior in intellect than most "NT" others before I got diagnosed. Since diagnosis, and medication I find it a bit easier to see that other people, while being much less logical, have other qualities that I am hopeless at (creativity for example). Their brains are just wired differently, I probably come accross as stupid to them (or over analytical, socially inept etc)
John
edit - oops badly formatted.
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Post by phil on Jan 29, 2012 21:26:55 GMT
jonboy are delusion of grandure an aspie trait then?
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Post by Deleted on Jan 29, 2012 21:38:11 GMT
forgive me for the dog reference because ambly is by no means a dog... but when a dog bites/barks/misbehaves, the reaction should be to ignore it and praise the good. distract and praise the good. but the more you react and respond to the bad. the more they will do it, to get your attention. as this is all they know. dogs can't decipher good response and bad response, they just see response. can i ask that we stop responding to the bad and offer some good. i don't think its fair to turn another one of ambly's threads into a pick on the new kid thread and watch him spit. it's not going to get anyone anywhere... lets not be like everyone else in ambly's life and freak out and push him away when his mouth runs before he checks it. we all have our manic sessions, his just seem to be a little ott(ithinkweallknowwhatminearelikeeeek). otherwise this thread is going to turn into another gangup witch hunt like when anyone goes off on one.
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Post by boo on Jan 29, 2012 22:05:36 GMT
can i ask that we stop responding to the bad and offer some good. read back! plenty of good has been offered, and chucked right back as not good enough i don't think its fair to turn another one of ambly's threads into a pick on the new kid thread and watch him spit. it's not going to get anyone anywhere... you're actually kidding right? sorry kameel, bored now! when amblyman wants to offer the civility he seems so keen to bang on about, i might think about offering it right back again
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Post by Deleted on Jan 29, 2012 22:19:04 GMT
can i ask that we stop responding to the bad and offer some good. read back! plenty of good has been offered, and chucked right back as not good enough i don't think its fair to turn another one of ambly's threads into a pick on the new kid thread and watch him spit. it's not going to get anyone anywhere... you're actually kidding right? sorry kameel, bored now! when amblyman wants to offer the civility he seems so keen to bang on about, i might think about offering it right back again no boo plenty of unasked for advice has been offered and thrown back. there's a difference between advice and praise. sorry you're bored, why are you still posting then? me no compute...
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