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Post by Wavey75 on Dec 31, 2013 11:21:42 GMT
Mike,
I struggled with IT contracting and with a permanent job through a services company because of my several conditions (ADHD, APD, ASD, etc) plus I was in a rather bad car accident 12 years ago which has left me physically disabled.
I have only been diagnosed with my mental health disorders over the last 3 years.
Journeyman,
In my first post I used the terms intelligent and stupidity, you then replied to my post using the acronym IQ instead of intelligence. When I saw this I pointed out that intelligence and IQ are not the same and provided the link.
I think you have caught my point, I don't quite follow your interpretation as I don't feel anyone is pulling the wool over my eyes. It's straight forward for me to imagine 2 couples stood side by side, both looking like everyday people, and then you are told one of them has ADHD, can you tell which?
The answer I expected everyone to arrive at was No, and that's my point - because one half of the relationship cannot see a problem there's nothing to support.
I'm glad you agree and you're not offended by my comments.
Wavey75
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Post by Wavey75 on Dec 30, 2013 21:43:52 GMT
IQ is not a true measure of intelligence. link
My point was that ADHD is invisible to the common man or woman. I was illustrating that in a relationship where one of you has a mental health disorder, to the other it seems you are no different. To the passer-by, you don't seem to be impaired in anyway, etc. I have always been told I am a logical thinker, which is something I had assumed was because of my ADHD, but I now know this is not the case. I took some tests online earlier today to discover my learning style, which I pretty much knew to be visual-tactile. I've worked in IT for many years until it became too difficult and so I am now a student doing a part time degree in ICT. I didn't set out to offend anyone with by earlier posts, it was a simple observation. I'm glad you pointed out we both have difficulties Mike - I'd forgotten, which sort of proves my earlier point
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Post by Wavey75 on Dec 30, 2013 21:27:52 GMT
Thanks for the tips, Dave.
I'm new to this group and so I thought I would 'float' the idea of one in my area, to see if one already exists, etc.
I wouldn't have any idea how to run a support group for ADHD - no point in just arranging to meet and not having some kind of material to cover, that's not support and it's wasting people's time IMHO.
Also, there's no point supplying if there's no demand.
If enough people want it, then I'll start it, perhaps with another member?
Cheers,
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Post by Wavey75 on Dec 30, 2013 19:36:09 GMT
. I think the problem for most is that we are fairly intelligent I'm pretty sure this isn't the case. The brighter, more expressive, types are more visible. Whatever level of smart you are ADHD will impact your life badly - the smarter ones write about it better. What I mean is that ADHD is an invisible disability, it's generally hard to tell unless you know that person. hope this clears it up for you.
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Post by Wavey75 on Dec 30, 2013 12:38:57 GMT
As a newly diagnosed ADHD adult, I am also struggling with my wife and her understanding of my condition.
I too think that wives and partners will never understand, as Mike says.
I think the problem for most is that we are fairly intelligent and many of us mistakingly relate stupidity with mental issues and so intelligence must the opposite - in other words how can you have a mental health disorder and be intelligent?
This is the common mis-conception that everyone makes about many mental health disorders and issues, I did it myself when I was told I also demonstrated some symptoms of Autism, I told the Psychologist he was mistaken, I couldn’t have autism at all because I’m at university doing a degree.
I don’t think this attitude is ever going to change either.
For my wife and I, although I am newly diagnosed, I’ve told her for the past 18 months that I do have ADHD, long before my diagnosis (wether she believed me or not was not clear).
But we are both receiving DLA - me for physical injuries to my hip and knee and her for fibromyalgia and other issues. So we are both at home daily depending on each other.
We talk and communicate more than she would prefer. she’s not one for communicating and the kids take after her in that department. Many rows and arguments have resulted from a simple miscommunication between each other.
I don’t think setting time aside to talk is going to be helpful, the goes for counselling - unless your relationship needs these suggestions regardless of the ADHD/ADD.
For any relationship, you both need to find something that makes you both happy, something you can both do together to share some good times and some fun, from go-karting or eating out, to sorbing and clay pigeon shooting or archery - whatever you both find interesting and fun!
this will help you both to strengthen the relationship and the support, patience with one another and all the positives in a healthy relationship will come naturally. Try a bunch of flowers now and again - just because, not because of the date.
It’s just my opinion, but if it works for you pass it along!
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Post by Wavey75 on Dec 30, 2013 12:07:50 GMT
I have ADHD and a problem with anger (which is the biggest under statement I could make!) but I know the difference between right and wrong... and your partner is knowingly doing wrong, from an ADHD point of view.
The split personality side of things can get complicated, i.e. the side of him that cannot distinguish from right or wrong. If this is the case or not the help he needs is beyond any support you can offer and so it really does boil down to weather or not you wish to put up with his crap.
Personally, I wouldn't - I'd get out now and that's the advice I am offering to you - pack your bags and don't look back, you'll be the one in hospital soon if you stay IMHO.
Wavey75
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Post by Wavey75 on Dec 30, 2013 11:52:02 GMT
Hi,
I've searched this forum and I have not found a group in this area.
If one exists, please kindly point me in their direction, if not is their enough interest to start one?
I'm 38 years old, just diagnosed with ADHD and located in Torquay, but I can travel around South Devon within reason.
If you are in the area and are a professional or an ADHD sufferer, please let everyone know here.
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