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Post by Wavey75 on Jun 21, 2015 19:23:19 GMT
[..] Maybe I've only read the worst posts, but Endeavour seems to confirm that they are "aimed at partners/NTs"... and "not a good read for people with adhd" so I suspect that the attitude is exactely the one that I noticed. "ADHD marriage" looks like the wrong name to me, if this is the case. Marriage involves two human beings, including the one who happens to have ADHD among the other things... so why a thing called "ADHD marriage" should be aimed at partners/NTs only? Why not call it "NT partners of ADHD people", then? Hi Tati, I maybe wrong, but isn't that judging a book by it's cover? lol I feel that I must reinforce that this particular quore from the book is actually from a psychologist (not a journalist) discussing what's most common and the findings they have seen over the years, etc. As it's a quote, it has been taken out of context and therfore open to several interpretations, but the previous chapters for me I found to be illuminating and completely neutural as far as I could tell. I was so upset that the list of ailements in the quote are not a partial match, but an EXACT match to my wife. It made me feel very bad as I do love her, but I have unwittingly made her life so much more difficult than it pehaps may have been. I did stte that these ailments could have been 'scheduled by fate' to occur at some point in her life anyway, but it is my fault she is dealing with all this now. Another clarification I wish to make. I say "My fault" not in an accepting way, but more along the lines of: "Oh, the cottage was destroyed in the last volcano erruption. it's the mountains fault." Hopefully, I've sucessfully conveyed that although I am at fault, I have had no idea that I have had this effect until now and so I am blameless, as it has not been an act of choice, but a handicap I have not been aware of. I think JJ has really outdone herself with the suggestion of visual cues during conversations to prompt others of certain tones and for them to prompt me with a sign that this is sounding a certain way, etc. These are all things I wouls gladly work on with them, but only if they are willing too, and this does not look like it's coming anythime soon, so the relationship I have now, hardly saying anything will mostl likely continue and I will work together with my wife on improvements we can make together, even though I don't think when it's just us there's any negativity to work on, but if she says there is, I'm willing to work on it or them, etc.
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Post by Wavey75 on Jun 19, 2015 15:28:39 GMT
Hi JJ,
First off, thank you for your time and energy into my post, as it would appear there’s lots of it in here. The only thing I would say about the book excerpt is that this section is actually what a qualified medical professional is telling the author, the journalist and the list of 4 things on their own do not trigger or relate to each other, but when combined with an ADHD spouse will explain their presence.
I fully accept that there is a good chance that these conditions would have surfaced in time maybe or maybe not, there’s no real way to know for sure.
But I also believe that I am not fully to blame, but I have not helped love the last 13 years we have been together.
As for the Kids, I spoke to my wife this morning and told her that I was not happy with the relationship I have with the girls now and I want it to improve, but we have to work at it together. There’s a chance that as I went un-diagnosed for so long, that they have reached the end of their own rope and have little or no interest in trying again, after so many failed attempts over the years and it was tougher on them as they were kids dealing with an ADHD parent / guardian.
The ball is now firmly in their court and while I know I will have a lot of work to do, so will they if they want things to improve.
The suggestions you’ve made are IMHO a very good idea, and I will discuss them with my wife and how we can implement such a thing between just us, and then she will teach it to the girls, when they grace us with their presence, etc.
As for Relate, we went a few years ago, probably in 2013, just before or just after my diagnosis. The 1st appointment with the councillor was mostly explaining our situation and family background, etc but the councillor was about as much use as an ashtray on a motorbike! She had no clue or any idea what to do and we just looked at each other puzzled by that on earth this woman thought she was doing. I’m not going to give you specifics, just that she was no good and I know she is still there and she’s the only volunteer down at the local relate office.
Before you suggest a slightly further away relate office, thought of that and tried it - because there’s a closer one to us in our postcode, they will not see us and insist we go to our nearest one.
There are some real solutions in your last post JJ, and really I think that things are only ever going to get better if everyone is willing to work at it. I see what i need to do and I will take it on board, but the girls will also need to make some allowances, otherwise I will no longer feel a part of my family.
Thank you all for your contributions.
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Post by Wavey75 on Jun 18, 2015 16:02:00 GMT
“My boyfriend just hurts me and moves on, then hurts me and moves on, and if he is moving on, he thinks I should be, too,” Tiffany explains. “He just doesn’t get it, that you can poke somebody emotionally only so many times before a giant bruise sets in, and then the person stays tensed up, just waiting for the next poke.” Within this common stress reaction lies a paradox, notes psychologist Herbert Gravitz, introducing this third and final plunge of the ADHD roller coaster: “On the one hand, those traumatized can’t get away from the trauma, and on the other hand they can’t get near it. They are over-whelmed and obsessed with it, yet they work hard to avoid it, numb themselves to it, or hide it.” As the poor coping strategies detailed in the previous chapters continue unabated and losses intensify, tension and anxiety can start feeling like a mind-numbing fever. Remember: You don’t “graduate” after each plunge. Until you realize what is happening, the ride may run endlessly, around and around, down and down. Moreover, if your ADHD partner’s behaviors grow more challenging over time, as often happens, your stress responses might intensify as well, ultimately resulting in your physical or mental illness. At that point, more confusion might envelop you, even pointing to you as the “identified patient,” an apparent burden to your long-suffering ADHD partner. Appearances can be deceiving. If you find yourself developing a parallel disorder—physical or emotional—consider yourself well into the Third Plunge. “Here’s the tricky part: You might not realize just how anxious you’ve become until you enjoy a getaway from everyone and everything. You might even mistakenly attribute your stress-induced aches, pains, and fitful sleep to other factors, like your own creeping age. In this way, on this third big drop of the ADHD roller coaster, you risk:
Developing physical reactions to stress, such as fibromyalgia, gastrointestinal disorders, migraines, and “brain fog.” Succumbing to depression and anxiety, forgetting what joy feels like—or that it’s possible. Down-spiraling into low self-esteem, losing confidence that you can possibly turn this situation around.”
Excerpt From: Pera, Gina. “Is It You, Me, or Adult A.D.D.?.” Third Plunge, Chapter 10.
What this is saying to me is that I am responsible for my Wife’s fibromyalgia, gastrointestinal disorders, migraines, and “brain fog.” although Brain Fog is a major symptom of fibromyalgia, but she has ALL of these!
We’ve been together for 13 years and I am utterly shattered to think that I am responsible for the massive drop in her quality of life, that I've caused her so much pain and suffering, she now needs a wheelchair to move around and go out.
My stomach is turning sour, guilt inside. It’s knotting up and I’m thinking “Christ, I can’t stay here, I’ve got to go away and let her get better” but the other side of me responds with “HA! typical bloke, run when things get tough!”.
I’m thinking that I should really help her get physically better, loose weight, feel better and then I will give her the choice if shewants to stay together or not, but we’ve been trying to loose weight and get fit now for around 10 years and we’re still at square 1!!!
What the heck should I do? (face in hands, despair, racked with guilt, looping thought is "I didn't know! I only found out myself in Dec 2013")
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Post by Wavey75 on Jun 17, 2015 15:44:19 GMT
Hi Endeavour, Pink mushroom = sounding patronising or condescending or anything other than natural. Colour Blind = ADHD Other mushrooms = emotions connected to expression, e.g. lecturing, Contemptuous, etc. So, if Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus, then ADHD’ers of both sexes are from, well let’s say Saturn, as it has rings and differs from all the other planets in our solar system (I know technically that Jupiter or one of it’s moons has rings, but it’s not as well known for having them as Saturn is). Your suggestions of apologising and explaining I didn’t mean to sound that way, is one that has been tried, and has had 2 outcomes: 1. I am left with the remainder of that thought, burning on my tongue and I feel like I’ll burst if I don’t say it out loud; or 2. I do shut up, but the kids are still pissed and the damage is already done, leaving the house with an unhealthy atmosphere. I only spotted one recommended book: “Is it You, Me or Adult ADHD?” by Russell Barkley, available here and the www.adhdandmarriage.com forum, which appears to be down, as it doesn't load? Geat analogy by the way, it was very easy for me to understand.
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Post by Wavey75 on Jun 15, 2015 20:49:47 GMT
Hi Tati,
Yeah, but our names have been on this list for the class now since January. They'll only run it once they get enough interest or enough participants, around 8 I think they said and so far the list is 3 names long ... in total.
So, let's say they pick a day and time. It will be a week day and straight away one of the 2 'yes's' will be a no due to getting time off work or the other will have a social event she cannot miss. This will lead to the 3 of us attending maximum and with only 3 names on the list it's likely that the course will probably be run aorund about March 2016.
This might sound positive to you, but to me, it's the same as saying nothing is happening.
when I say this is kinda one-sided, I'm not specifically refering to only the willing participants, but to all of the above it.
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Post by Wavey75 on Jun 14, 2015 15:03:08 GMT
Hi Endeavour,
Thank you for your post, it's remarkable how similar to my own situation your description sounds.
It sounds like the suggestion of an already tried coping mechanism, I have told my daughters and my wife to point out when I am sounding this way and I will clarify if that particular tone is intentional or if I had no idea I sounded that particular way, etc.
As suggested in an earlier post, this is not good enough and I need to work to reduce and eliminate this behavour. I have no idea that I am sounding like any of these particular ways or tones and to me this is an impossible task, but I will try anything to improve things at home.
Could you elaborate on what has helped? If your partner has no idea of how he or she sounds, how have things improved in your situation?
In South Devon, the ADHD Clinic run a free course-type thing, where a psychologist will run a group for families of adult ADHD'ers to hear what's it's like and to hear form a medical proffesional why their loved ones do or say hurtful or frustrating things, etc. It's a very good idea, and a supportive one for families of ADHD'ers who don't know all about ADHD. When they get enough names to run the class, they will setup a day and time, all thrpough the NHS ADHD service.
When I told me wife and 3 daughters about this class, the response was the following:
Wife = Yes, I'd like to go. 1st Born (23) = If it fits in with my work & boyfriend life I'll go. middle girl (19) = No, we learnt all about ADHD in Health & Social class, I know all about it. youngest (16) = Only if it doesn't clash with my social schedule.
So, it's kinda one-sided, but in their defense, we've been a blended family for 13 years, and I stumbled into an ADHD assessment just over a year ago (was looking for a weight loss solution) and I had no idea what ADHD was, none of us did. When I was diagnosed, I was shocked and my families reaction was, well mixed. My wife told me not to expect any sympathy, and the girls said very little to me about it. About 5 months later, youngest started asking me questions about ADHD, but that's about it. Over time my wife has changed her view on my ADHD and although she has Fibromyalgia herself, she has been more supportive of me, which I suspect is due to me starting on Concerta and having some major breakthroughs, such as a better understanding of her condition, to name only one.
My communications with my kids are non-existent. No one calls, texts or emails me directly at all, except when they can't get hold of their Mother. I turned 40 last month and I was having my new shed built and I was out there while it was being built, looking forward to having a nice work area for building & repairing things, etc.
They came round and sat in the house for the afternoon before leaving and they haven't visited me since. Prior to that visit, I have only seen them when they pop in for a flying visit or to see their Mother, which isn't very often at all, but eldest works full time and middle daughter has her own 6 month old to take care of.
If I have anything to say to the girls, I say it through my wife and if they have anthing to say to me (which is never positive, always about something I've done or said wrong) they contact their Mother to sit me down and tell me, rather than behaving like an adult and communicating with me myself.
I enjoy a good debate. I grew up in a loud, irish catholic/prodestant household where we all shouted when we spoke to each other. My wife is very quiet and the girls are used to it, but they have also grown up with me for the last 13 years of their lives and they've seen me enjoy an arguement in a shop or with someone outside of our family.
I was going somewhere with this, but I've lost my train of thought lol.
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Post by Wavey75 on Jun 12, 2015 11:30:10 GMT
Hi ConfinedChaos,
We're a blended family, so no hereditary ADHD, etc. it's everyone in my family who complains about my condesending, patronising or most often my lecturing, when I am only aware of expressing my opinion or having a good conversation, much like what I described previously.
Family therapy would point out when I am soundingh a particular way, but then what? the convesation will then be how do I sound this way or that way, and it would then fall to a therapist to explain how I sound and how I can tell the difference, etc.
Or there's the other side, which may be that during one of these therapy sessions, my family say that I'm doing it again, but the therapist says that this is normal and it's just his passion coming through or his feelings about this topic coming though, etc.
so where would that leave us? it's either down to me to identify the tones I have no clue about or it's down to my family accepting that this is who I am, which would not go down well at all.
I think I will go see my therapist and mention this to him/her and I will bring it up at my next ADHD support meeting, which is tonight lol.
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Post by Wavey75 on Jun 11, 2015 21:56:49 GMT
JJ has hit the nail right on the head for me! all the typos, mis-speeled words mean I spend my time focusing on what it should be, rather than all of the words, when I try I keep going back to the short hand, mispelt words, etc. - it's exhausting to read posts in the format which blaze writes in (sorry Blaze) Tati, Of my 3 step-daughers ( I thought the 'blended' family reference would give it away) only one of them is willing to attend family therapy, provied it fits into her work.scoail/boyfriend schedules, in other words there will be a time slot somewhere in her week that we'd need to coordinate a therapy session, and with only her there, it's not familt therapy, and she will feel singled out. My wife has also complained of this flaw in my communications for as long as everyone else in our blended family has. I don't see how a skype coach would be of any benefit to me because I learn nothing from conversations, so much as I learn with face to face sessions, etc. If I recorded it, I'd be hesitant to say things because it's being recorded - vicious circle, etc. The point is, they would not benefit me, so it's not that I am dimissing them because they're annoying, I am explaining why they will not work for me. I had a 3 hour thorough Dyslexia assessment paid for by the Open University in March 2013 and that's when someone said "Have you been tested for ADHD?" " I replied "What, the naughty kid thing with the great drugs?" (laughing, but honnestly.) Tangent alert is most likely pointing out that the thread has moved from discussing possible solutions for how to identify when I'm sounding condesending, patronising and lecturing, etc. to talking about various dys's lol. I did an online Aspergers assessment and scored 34 here. Maybe I'll ask my GP to refer me for an Aspergers assessment, see what happens.
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Post by Wavey75 on Jun 11, 2015 11:18:03 GMT
Hi Tessaract,
Thank for that - i was hoping to find a UK specific one for adults that didn't need an assessor to read them, but I did find some on my own at psyhc central.
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Post by Wavey75 on Jun 11, 2015 11:15:56 GMT
Hi Blaze, I am confused by your post - makes no sense to me, sorry.
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Post by Wavey75 on Jun 10, 2015 20:23:50 GMT
Can anyone recommend a good, free ADHD self assessment website test for adults?
I want to ask my family to take it, pretending to see if it's acurate, but really I suspect my middle daughter has ADHD and if I said that and askde her to take the test, she wouldn't.
Sneaky I know, but it's the only way to get this done.
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Post by Wavey75 on Jun 10, 2015 20:21:30 GMT
Hi Blaze,
Rather than me going through your posts and correcting them to ask you if that is what you meant, I;m just going to thank you for your contributions and let you know that I am not able to follow your communications clearly enough for them to have any meaning to me,
I will say that I have felt that your responses have seemed to have a certain tone that I am being rude and I must do something about it, because I am upsetting others.
I know that you have said that it is as much my responsibility to fix this as much as it is my family’s, but up until that point, it really hasn’t sounded like that to me.
I take your previous points and I have responded to them with reasons as to why they will / won’t / aren’t working for me, but like you say there will be other posts with other suggestions for me to follow.
Hi Tati,
Thank you for your reply. These problems have gone on for many years, while my 3 daughters grew up in our blended household. youngest is now 16 and will be independent and out with friends most of the time, middle daughter has her own child and partner she lives with and her attitude towards ADHD is “I know all about that, we did it at school in my BTEC Health & Social…” (which really pisses me off) and eldest works full time and lives with her boyfriend who is a complete idiot, but she loves him and she would agree to family therapy, but it would have to fit around her schedule.
So, youngest might, but as long as it didn’t clash with her social life, middle daughter thinks it’s a waste of time and eldest would, but unlikely we’d be able to find therapy appointments when she’s not working or sounds regular time with her boyfriend as they both work.
Training / coaching - I had an appointment with an ADHD coach and it was cancelled due to illness and then when I contacted her to rearrange, she said she was stopping her therapy due to health issues, and she’s the closest ADHD coach for miles to me. I don’t like the idea of video calling someone, as I struggle to absorb things unless they are written down and read aloud, etc.
The non-violent communication thing sounds interesting, but I’m thinking it’s going to be a long process to learn it. It took me 9 years to learn ho to use mindfulness.
Hi JJ,
You are just brilliant. Everything I am feeling and thinking about this frustrating flaw you are saying. I have wondered for sometime if I do meet the criteria for Aspergers, but I’ve never really pushed it. I did have an ASD assessment, but give that the assessor got much of my details wrong I am thinking that it might be worth asking for a specific Aspergers assessment.
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Post by Wavey75 on Jun 9, 2015 18:07:34 GMT
Hi Bee,
I'm the same, except I stopped apologising a long time ago, instead with new people I will explain that I suffer with ADHD and that means I will say the wrong thing the wrong way most of the time, so they know well in advance, rather than no explanation and I only speak to this person once and never see or hear from them again.
Hi JJ,
Thank yo so, so much for your post to this thread. It was like you read my unconscious or ‘yet-to-be-verbalised’ mind! :-) What you’ve said here are thoughts I have been having but I have not been able to form them into constructive sentences. The only change I would make is that when I am told I am being loud, ok I can reduce the volume, but when I’m told I am patronising, lecturing or condescending I have no clue what to do and when I ask for examples, details or just something to help me distinguish between how each of these things sound, I get shoulder shrugs or vague “you just do” type things which are no help at all, I need specifics. I’m really confused what the opposite way for this post is? what’s the opposite of reading this post? (or am I being daft? lol)
Hi Blaze,
Your white right. If you told someone to F off, they’d be insulted because you know what f off means. Now, suppose you were learning a new language and on holiday you try it out and instead of asking for the time you inadvertently told some local to go shag a donkey. This is where you are stood there totally confused as to why this person is angry and annoyed at you. If you managed to calm this local down long enough to find out what you’ve done, you’d be able to repair the damage once an explanation of your error has been explained and you would naturally apologise. Now what if this local never actually explained your error, the next person you ask for the time could get just as upset or worse ,you could repeat your request to the local again, only this time he or she is really mad at al and you have no idea why.
Hi Tati,
My query is bout my tone in any conversation with my family who will point out that I sound like I am lecturing, condescending or patronising, etc. This is technically offensive and upsetting ,but I have no idea I am even doing it. I went for an ASD assessment and I was told I was clear, no ASD at all as I demonstrated small things like good eye-contact, etc. A friend of our has a 12 year old boy with Aspergers and his eye contact’s fine, but if Aspergers is also on the spectrum then I was assessed for it too.
Blaze, Really not getting your last post, perhaps this is what you meant (corrections in blue):
You are correct that it depends on how it's interpreted, but it's rare (imo) for people to use the terms patronising without feeling offended, especially if you explain there's no intention to be patronising and it hasn't smoothed it over. I wd would imagine that because family members bring it up and aren't placated by the explaination of no intent that they are very hurt by this behaviour. I think when it's family members it's only reasonable to try and make the effort to adapt how we come accross to them as well as them making the effort to understand why that's hard.
If this is what you are saying then I would resond by saying that I am here ,asking for help as I am fed up with feeling like I should keep my mouth shut when I want to contribute to any conversation in my home, I'm fed up with wanting to say something but feeling like I can't because it might upset them or her, none of which I have any control over.
I'm here now asking for tips, pointers and help to try and eliminate this flawed characteristic, but without more information about it ther is simply nothing I can do about it. I don't like your phrase "why that's hard." it's not hard, it's impossible without a map. If I had this map, it would have been gone long ago.
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Post by Wavey75 on Jun 8, 2015 20:30:03 GMT
Hi Blaze,
I don't understand - if someone says I sound patronising or condesending, isn't it enough to confirm or correct their interpretation and continue?
I mean to say that if someone says "you sound ... etc." it's not an absolute, it's their own interpretation of how you sound. It doesn't mean I actually am; nor does it mean that it is my intention to sound this way.
If it is not my intention and I am told that I sound a particular way, then my response will confirm that they are mis-interpreting me as I have confirmed it is not my intention to do so.
I've explained to all my family and friends that I have no idea what they are talking about and I don't see or hear any differences at all.
I'm not being rude, I have no clue that is what I am doing / sound-like, etc. I don't know what I can do - how do I fixed something I cannot identify?
Also, I am confused by the rest of your post, so I'm reposting it with possible orrections so I can confirm what you meant to say:
These problems can be an aspect of ADHD, but more often connected to other DDS. I appreciate it can be difficult to developed develop an awareness of how you present yourself. Perhaps look for therapy to help, or try reading non violent communications. It must be equapy equally tough for your family feeling hurt by this. Maybe joint relationship or family therapy might help?
I'm also lost as to what DDS means? another acronym or another shorthand for Diagnosis?
I have no awareness as I siad previously, but it's an impossible feat to develop an awareness of something you can't find.
I'm dissapponted this isn't a common trait of ADHD, as I have no idea of how to work on it. Reading through some self help books on non-violent communication would only help someone with an awareness of it, however mind or subtle.
Therapy hasn't helped because apparently I am different aorund different people - again no clue this is happening and so I am very much stuck.
I regularly have the idea to record myself, but remembering to do something and seeing it though is a nightmare with ADHD, as I'm sure many will know and have experience with.
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Post by Wavey75 on Jun 8, 2015 12:39:11 GMT
When I try to talk to members of my family I am constantly accused of sound like I'm lecturing, Condescending or Patronising.
I have in the past told them to politely point this out or pose this query to me, so that I can assure them that I am actually doing this, that or the other.
So if I was patronising and I was asked, I would say yes, I am. or if asked am I condescending, I would perhaps say, no I'm not I’m having a conversation here, etc, etc.
I have little or no idea how to sound like any of these, but I know I can. particularly if I’m getting annoyed or frustrated or angry with the situation, depending on who it is and the circumstances.
Surely for my family to ask me what my intention are and for me to clarify them is enough? then I may continue to speak freely knowing that we have just cleared up that I am not sounding like ‘X’ but sounding like ‘Y’.
I am told the differences in the way I speak are a matter of tone, mannerisms and ‘other” but i really on’t see much of a difference.
I know that when I am frustrated my speech gets faster, which is almost hypocritical as I struggle when someone else is speaking fast.
I should point out that I love a great debate, I would spend evenings at a friends house sitting in the back garden discussing world issues, politics, great dilemmas, etc and we’d come at it from various sides and really have a good debate around various issues, etc.
I am also the type of person who has no control over the volume I speak at, or any awareness of it. I know I have inherited my Dad’s booming voice, where the room shakes if I actually shout, but I really do really shout. I am told I am shouting most of the time and I’m really not.
I am so fed up with this, is this a common ADHD flaw/characteristic and whats a good way to deal with it.
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Post by Wavey75 on May 8, 2015 23:06:47 GMT
I couldn't start the trial, but good luck to everyone else with it.
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Post by Wavey75 on Apr 26, 2015 15:41:59 GMT
I have and I will start on May 8th 2015.
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Post by Wavey75 on Apr 8, 2015 13:00:47 GMT
Hi Guys, This is not a political thread and I would like political views kept seperate to this thread. I've been following the election, and as I predicted in 2010, we are heading for another hung parliment result on May 8th. I have a theory I would like to know the possible outcomes for, and I'm fairly certain someone here will be in the know. yougov.co.uk/#/centre this is like a nice, graphical view of the polictial lie of the land now and the forcast for 7th May 2015. It's great for me, as I like things to be both factual and easy on the eye. My question is, if things for the way they did last year, i.e. the Conservatives get more seats than Labour, and the liberal democracts decide form a government with the Conservatives, then what would happen if Labour and the SNP also decided to form a coalition government at the same time, as they would have more seats in the house than the other proposed coalition government? As shown in the picture form the link above, the forcast shows if the Conservatives & the liberal democrats combine they will have 297+30=227, 2 over a majority in the house. However, if Labour, SNP and the liberal democrats combine, they will have 262+35+30=227. It's my understanding that the SNP and Labour are essentially both Labour, so it would be fairly easy for them to work together, so it would boil down the the liberal democrats deciding on who to get into bed with. I had initially thought that Labour, SNO & another party could form more seats than the Conservatives and the liberal democrats, but that's not the case. I've answered my original question, just by typing this up, but I spent ages on it and I'm posting it ayway lol.
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Post by Wavey75 on Nov 15, 2014 13:40:59 GMT
I've struggled for years to remember peoples names when my friends and family talk about other friends and family. I can't remember there names until I've met them at least once.
I have a lot of family I've never met and until I've met them I can't seem to "save" their name along with their face in my mind.
The same goes with friends of friends - is this an ADHD or autism or just human nature thing?
I think it's ADHD as the Attention Deficit is linked to memory, but I can't be sure.
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Post by Wavey75 on Oct 27, 2014 19:00:12 GMT
After having to explain to my parents a year ago what ADHD was, my 73 year old Dad said "I think I have ADHD too!" after reading the article.
WOW.
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Post by Wavey75 on Oct 24, 2014 0:03:54 GMT
Hi Pgirl,
I'm sorry for your loss.
It was my first experience with loss and grieve in March this year, and I broke down when I heard the news and then at the funeral (I was a coffin bearer).
Unlike your situation my experience was sudden, from hospital admission to hearing the news was only 5 days.
I can only suggest that perhaps the medication has equipped you with the ability to better handle your emotions, compared to your previous experience with grieve when you didn't have Strattera?
It's also worth mentioning that you are not the same age you were and this may be a factor.
I asked for help here when I was struggling and I got it.
I hope this helps you somehow, somewhere.
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Post by Wavey75 on Oct 23, 2014 23:52:47 GMT
Now that you bring it up, I don't think I've had a dream (that I remember having) since I started my Concerta XL in January.
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Post by Wavey75 on Oct 23, 2014 23:48:38 GMT
I just read this and cried all the way through reading it.
Thanks for sharing this, it's a very good article.
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Post by Wavey75 on Oct 23, 2014 13:31:13 GMT
I've been studying with the open university for the last 7 years, part time.
They paid for a dyslexia assessment, which was very thorough (2 1/2 hours) but in the end they would only grant me learning support once I had a diagnosis, self diagnosis is not supported at all by the DSA part of higher education, that's mainly funded by government, hence the insistence on formal proof of any medical conditions, etc.
I'm assuming this is the case for every UK university, but the support will differ between what I got and what a student living on site would get. I got lucky with a friend who works at a local-ish university who gave me access to empty classrooms to work in, no distractions, etc. I got more done in this days than I did over a week at home.
An iPad or any tablet for me was essential, as much of my subject material is electronic as a off or recent Nelly now in ePub format, which is useful if you struggle reading like me, you can change the font size, background colours, font colours, etc.
Some of my materials were printed books, which the university provided me with spiral bound versions, so I could fold the book in half flat, which also allowed for the printed font to be larger for me as well.
I have lots of reading materials on ADHD, Ebola and PDFs, they're mostly about coping with ADHD, but they always have a large section on diagnosis, email me and I'll reply with what I've got.
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Post by Wavey75 on Oct 23, 2014 13:19:01 GMT
Cool?
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Post by Wavey75 on Oct 22, 2014 16:40:16 GMT
Better?
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Post by Wavey75 on Oct 22, 2014 14:54:49 GMT
Wavey75, I started out problem solving on helpdesks too, so I know where you are coming from. I also have no real friends (apart from my wife).
Since being on this board, I have come to realise that us ADHD'ers truly are different from the herd at a fundamental level, not just because we face different challenges every day.
I can guarantee that every one of us with ADHD on this board will accept that we are sometimes arseholes, but we are *aware* of it and try to compensate. We tend not be arrogant, we try and listen (with varying degrees of success) and generally try our best to help other people out.
[...]
It is because of this that I have decided to set up a support group for adult adhd suffers. I had a conversation with petra recently about ADHD and selfishness, and this is one of those occasions. For me, selfishness is double-sided.
For example, setting up a support group sounds like I want to do it to help people like us (which is true) - but I also want to actually meet the kind of people that I see on this board every day - because I think I am only ever going to make friends with other ADHD sufferers.
Does that make sense?------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Supine, it's like your reading my mind !!! - I tried to setup a support group in my area (Devon) but I only got 2 replies of interest that span the entire county, and I ran into problems with a venue, nothing to do with finding one, more to do with deciding on one - (still pending by the way.) I stumbled into an ADHD diagnosis, it never occured to me at any point in my past that I wasn't an NT, and that I may have ADHD. I was convinced for years, that my problems were Dyslexia and being lazy minded - hated reading at school. Now I spend my days reading forum posts, news articles of interest (IFL.com) and educational materials, so I'm just a late bloomer lol. I'd love to socialise again. I'd need to learn how to, as when I gave up smoking I also gave up socialising too somehow. It's been 8 years since then and the idea of meeting a regular group of people is a little scary, but less so when I know I'm going to meet other ADDers. I need to do this more often - I'm willing to travel for it too, as long as it's close to a train station - hate driving. My closest ADHD support is Bristol, and in order to attend, I have to get a hotel as the last train home leaves 30 minutes after the meeting ends and I'm more than that away from the train station in Bristol. I couldn't drive 2 hours there and 2 hours back again in one evening, I'd crash the car ;-)
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Post by Wavey75 on Oct 21, 2014 18:35:10 GMT
Forgot to say,I already think this guys only returning my calls as he needs me, but I need him too for now! I just wanted to understand why he pulls this crap - I'm pro confrontation any day of the wek and twice on Sunday ! ?
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Post by Wavey75 on Oct 21, 2014 18:33:48 GMT
Thanks for these comments, they're great!
Now I'm thinking that I need a copy of the book stu the cockatoo was new at the zoo, to learn how to make friends!
Seriously, though I have none.
When I gave up smoking, I had to also give up drinking and coffee as they go hand in hand for me. I was an 80 (Rollins) a day smoker, so it wasn't so much a habit as an addiction, but I did it and 8 years on I'm glad.
But I no longer have friends at all, as I worked until I was told to go home (loved my work - problem solving on a help desk!) so my friends were at work, though I doubt any of them would have given me help, so they were more acquaintances than friends.
So, how does a married, late 30's male make friends to socialise with, that does not involve pubs, bars, sports or coffee? and adult friend finder and the like of doesn't count!
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Post by Wavey75 on Oct 21, 2014 13:58:26 GMT
Thanks for the comments guys, a real eye opener.
It's taken all of this year, since I was diagnosed to identify it and remember to recall it to others to understand his behaviour.
I'm 39 from South London, he's 52 and from Manchester, a real grafter and genuine guy.
There's usually a subject change on his part when ever we've gotten close to discussing his behaviour, but he usually runs away from it with a quick subject change to distract me (which has worked every time!) or the conversation ends.
He has really only ever made time for me when he needs me, not the other way round.
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