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Post by Wavey75 on Jan 7, 2014 10:50:45 GMT
Thanks for that ;-)
I'm gonna go as it's definitely on.
Wavey75
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Post by Wavey75 on Jan 3, 2014 21:17:46 GMT
I'm considering making the journey up to Bristol for the next meeting on Friday 10th Jan 2014.
Does anyone know if it's happening for definite?
Wavey75
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Post by Wavey75 on Jan 3, 2014 19:53:32 GMT
The only thing I can think of for when I feel like everything's churning around in my head is when I write it down and then I can let go of it.
I write it down, save it to my hard drive and my cloud drive and move on to other things.
I don't think I'm going to get it, but there have been some really helpful comments for me personally and I feel that's enough.
I just went out a bought a guitar amp for our electric guitar for her to play on and I'm taking her for horse riding lessons, which a friend of mine recommended to lift her spirits and affect a positive change in her life.
Hopefully, with her therapy starting soon as well she should start to feel more positive about herself.
Wavey75
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Post by Wavey75 on Jan 3, 2014 19:46:48 GMT
So there's no confusion for me, dave, The forum site is free, hence the proboards.com added to the site address. The domain name site has an annual cost with it. When I 1st started looking around, I got it down to about £15 per year for your 1st year, then it went up to £50 - £60 a year. So, if it's possible to keep costs at £10 a year for the domain name site, it's worth mentioning Wavey75
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Post by Wavey75 on Jan 3, 2014 2:11:12 GMT
I see what you're saying, but I can't help but think it's pointless for you, as you have ADHD which is one great big distraction, so there's no need to distract yourself as your always distracted, i drives ma mad I can't keep my focus on things, the last thing I need is more distraction. I get the feeling that you'll say that's not it either.
Perhaps it would be a good idea to pm me the real explanation, as there's no way it will sound like a good thing to me, so no need to worry about promoting it to me, but it would be great for me to really get a sense of it from you as you have been so helpful with this subject and opening up about it.
Wavey75
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Post by Wavey75 on Jan 3, 2014 1:24:40 GMT
I can too now, but there's stuff on their that's not on here and worth chasing up.
There was someone asking for support in Dorset and I see from this site there's 2 support groups there, so may help someone ... who knows.
Wavey75
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Post by Wavey75 on Jan 3, 2014 1:21:46 GMT
I'm guessing that since this is a free forum ,that would be part of the paid side.
But it's possible to install your own fully functioning forum into a free web host and register a free sub-domain name, coz I've done it. It's really slow, but it's possible.
That's why I suggested the host, coz for a tenner a year that's unbeatable - for what you get.
Wavey75
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Post by Wavey75 on Jan 3, 2014 1:17:48 GMT
Kathymel,
Then can I ask, what would you compare the relief from self harm to, if not heroine?
I hit 17 and decided to try 'everything', but it was mostly lots of sex, drugs and rock and roll.
But I didn't touch anything I thought I may have got hooked on, etc.
It's fine with me if you'd rather not talk about it, i was just looking for some sort of equivalent.
Wavey75
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Post by Wavey75 on Jan 3, 2014 0:24:46 GMT
For anyone interested, I've found a group in my town, already setup.
I found this link via netmums site: www.addiss.co.uk/ukgroups.htm
Which led me to this site link: www.adders.org/englandmap.htm
So I clicked on my town and found it.
The first link are also looking for support groups up and down the UK to 'affiliate' themselves with, presumably so they can recommend to potential members.
Hope this can help someone else in time.
Wavey75
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Post by Wavey75 on Jan 2, 2014 23:55:27 GMT
Thank you and I love your name ooshiny, it's very apt too.
Wavey75
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Post by Wavey75 on Jan 2, 2014 22:34:31 GMT
On my searching travels I've found a web hosting company that will give you 2 sql databases, a domain, 10 sub-domains for £10 a year, every year.
I only mention it as i couldn't beat it and you can use wordpress, joomla, etc. along with hosting your own chat room and fully functioning forum - all without any adverts, etc.
The only downside with it is the amount of disk space is just 50MB, but I think you can point your msn skydrive or gdrive to it for additional storage (please correct me if I'm mistaken).
Just a thought - I get no commissions, or anything from this - just thought I'd mention it if anyone else like me enjoys a tinker around with CMS websites, etc but the free ones are slow and limited, which limits learning, etc.
www.arhoster.com/web_hosting.html
Wavey75
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Post by Wavey75 on Jan 2, 2014 21:53:28 GMT
Kathymel,
I would like to thank you for opening up your own circumstances to me - something you have kept to yourself and never shared here.
Firstly, My daughters have had the offer of treatment, my middle daughter was 18 when she refused it because they told her to dump boy wonder, she thought they were idiots and lost any respect for them, but she has been in the relationship long-distance) for 2 years by this point, in fact she moved out of our home at 15 because of the relationship - she 'met' this idiot on facebook and they chatted non stop for a period and she blew a fuse when her mother and I both said she wasn't going alone to meet this stranger from t'internet.
She moved in t=with her 'waste-of-space' biological father's spare room, which after a few months he moved house 5 mins round the corner with 1 less bedroom and she got the unconverted garage, complete with tumble dryer and metal door to the outside - no insulation, not allowed to turn on the single and only source of heat - she stuck it there for over a year before he said she HAD to move out, she came home here and we argued as well as her sisters arguing with her and her mum, but it's mostly me she seemed to have the problem with, which ironically she explains is because i have the problem with her, but that's a whole other nightmare.
What you have described concerning the feelings for self-harming, by comparison and IMHO are pretty much the same as heroin or high an addict gets, the clarity of it, the clearing of one's mind, etc.
I think there might be some asphyxia-relation to natural highs in there somewhere too, but I'm not a medical professional.
Your account of how you start and in particular you point out looking for how people stop self-harming, which hadn't even entered my head will definitely help a lot.
I accept your point on the comparison of alcohol and drugs, but disagree with you on the comparable dangers as anything to excess is damaging and will lead to serious consequences.
Finally, I must stress that my youngest daughter will get the help and support she needs form us both. As far as my older daughter is concerned, she will decide what she will and will not do, and all we can do is support her decisions and that's that. We can't drag her into therapy, she's 18 and she knows it.
Shapes,
I apologise if you don't like 'fad', but in the context I used it, I feel it still applies when discussing teenagers and their impressionable minds. I do accept that people who self harm do have a real problem and need help to stop, so please understand me when I say I'm not belittling self-harm, I am stating my opinion of what I think goes on with young teenage girls, just like their fashion trends, who looses their virginity in the bushes, who has who's bag, who's using needles to get high and who's pregnant with their boyfriends baby - I term these as fads, because fads are trends often set by stronger personalities in children's peer groups. Apologies if my opinion on this is offensive, but it's my opinion.
Wavey75
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Post by Wavey75 on Jan 2, 2014 19:29:34 GMT
I'm in my 7th (and final) part time year studying towards my BSc with the open university and I have ADHD (diagnosed 3 weeks ago), APD, visual problems, various physical difficulties and things have not gone well for me at all during exams.
I asked my GP for something to help calm me down, so I could concentrate and he prescribed me Propranolol 10mg, which really did help me focus on the 3 hour exams and I surprised myself.
The advice already given is great, but I thought this might help too.
Wavey75
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Post by Wavey75 on Jan 2, 2014 18:52:10 GMT
Legend has it that a long time ago in a far, far away Galaxy ... lol
Wavey75
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Post by Wavey75 on Jan 2, 2014 18:49:42 GMT
I'm really sorry you feel that way contrarymary, but I am now using a smaller font (12pt) instead of 14pt, and I'm not using a round font, I'm sticking with the standard Arial.
Wavey75
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Post by Wavey75 on Jan 2, 2014 18:47:33 GMT
Hi Dave,
Thanks for that, I'd prefer size 12, thought that was the one I was using - every forum's different, etc.
Hi Mike,
No scroll wheel, on a macbook air, sorry. I use Chrome, but for me to read it comfortably I'm scrolling left and right to read it doing it that way. It's better to copy and paste it into a text edit windows and cmd + it, but I as well as ADHD, APD and Visual problems, I also have carpel tunnel syndrome, ulner nerve syndrome, tennis elbow and general repetitive strain injuries in both, well arms to be honest.
If I was a horse, I'd have been Iceland's beef burgers a long time ago lol
Wavey75
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Post by Wavey75 on Jan 2, 2014 18:13:33 GMT
Mike,
Thanks again for your comments both wise words and very good advice!
contraymary,
Apologies for offending the eyes, I too have visual problems and I find it painful to concentrate on such a small font size, this feels like an assault on my eyes with it being so small and I find it very hard to find my place and end up reading the same line over and over again because I've lost my place for the nth time, so choosing a font was available, so I choose a size which doesn't strain my eyes.
I would prefer to keep it this size though, so as long as this isn't breaking any forum rules then I would like to stay with it and ask for your patience.
Does anyone have any suggestions for what I can do in this situation, where one is struggling with small size, and the other is struggling with large font size?
Wavey75
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Post by Wavey75 on Jan 2, 2014 18:05:37 GMT
Thanks jonboy!
Wavey75
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Post by Wavey75 on Jan 2, 2014 17:08:48 GMT
Ok then.
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Post by Wavey75 on Jan 2, 2014 17:01:58 GMT
Oh I see now.
So, why is there a .uk in the site address at the top here, cos it's only aadduk.org?
Wavey75
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Post by Wavey75 on Jan 2, 2014 16:58:36 GMT
Right, OK.
Gonna start with the easiest to remember first! lol
Mike,
Thanks for your post - I'm lost at STFU, unless it should be STFO? anyway, not at all gonna happen (if I've got the jist of the acronym!) your posts have been great.
JJ,
Your posts has also been great, I doubt there's anything you could say to offend me, but there's lots that will get me lost even without acronyms! My point is, you do not have to worry about offending me, I'm pretty thick skinned for a dragon ;-)
There's lots you've written and I'm trying to go through it, but it's difficult to remember it all, so here goes:
I know what you meant, but I didn't make it clear that the "why" I'm looking for is a specific "why", one that's applicable specifically to my youngest daughter. There's always n explanation - I stand by this, there is always a reason or a cause, it's nature in balance.
I am rigid, (scrolling up and down is making me dizzy! lol)'always right' and authoritarian, or as my wife puts it, very dominant. I don't mean to be and I certainly don't want to be in any spotlight (s this leads to an examination under a microscope) but if in place with several people, I'm always heard, weather I choose to be or not. I don't mean to sound so loud, it just happens - sometimes because I am so passionate about what I'm talking about or sometimes it's my anger welling up and I don't realise it - yes, the meds will help this and the other things you have mentioned concerning keeping a lid on the atmosphere in the home.
I'm focused on my youngest daughter, who still lives with us, but my relationship with my middle daughter is pretty much non-existent. For example, she's visiting for 10 days from tomorrow and I plan on disappearing simply because my wife has told me plenty of times that one of these days I'm going to argue with her or say the wrong thing that pushes her to decide on cutting us both out of her life, because she feels her Mother choose me kind of, no ultimatum was delivered, but my wife is always in the middle as a mediator and is often blamed as well.
Simply put I'm running away until she's gone for this reason and the fact that I don't feel like I can control my mouth, especially while I'm switching out meds, etc.
I know that for her, we have to sit back and watch until she realises her own situation and continue to show her that we are here for her, but this doesn't remove the urge to 'hurt' him - HARD.
I've said earlier here that I'm looking for a specific "why" concerning my youngest daughter, but what I really want to know is why harm yourself?
If you go back 30 years for example, I never heard of self harming - I heard lots of fighting, bullying and acting out from kids, etc. I'm trying to understand this because it doesn't make any sense, and I think I will just have to accept it - perhaps it's a case of laying the blame of added pressure for kids these days squarely on technology (which sticks in my throat).
I get this niggly uncomfortable feel that you see these people and your daughter as 'less' in some way - I can't find a nice way of writing it...contemptuous, frustrating, silly.... The people who write the text books conversely as not.....
I think you are right here, but I've only just realised it. I have been thinking all along that my middle daughter simply started because she had a friend at school who used to do it, so she started to. I then think my youngest started because she found out about her older sister doing it, etc. It's a horrible thought process, but it makes sense and it explains the 'fad' of it as there's no other reason for it IMHO.
I know we've covered some others who have self-harmed and why the may have done it, etc. but in this case of my children I see it as a 'fad', a trend if you will.
She will be seeing someone to talk about it and she will get the help she needs, but it doesn't change my opinion of it - and this is why I'm revealing it here, so it's off the tip of my tongue and nowhere near her ears.
It might sound old fashioned, but things like this I leave to her mother and just do what I'm told. None of them have ever really come to me for things like this, they all came to me for games, or a quick airplane ride, or to fix something, etc. all this icky feelings stuff was their mother's department ;-)
Wavey75
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Post by Wavey75 on Jan 2, 2014 16:23:29 GMT
Ooh, I just got a chill.
Wavey75
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Post by Wavey75 on Jan 2, 2014 15:29:01 GMT
I know it's stupid, but I need to know!
Why is the name of the board aadd and not adhd?
I know some people don't have the 'h' bit, but some do and either way, aadd is nothing like either.
Any thoughts or word from the creator of the board?
Wavey75
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Post by Wavey75 on Jan 2, 2014 14:20:03 GMT
Ah,
Thanks JJ, being from an IT background acronyms are important, plus I was confused as to why everyone was referring to Windows NT :-)
Mike,
what's a PITA? If you mean the bread it's PITTA, if you mean something else it's totally lost on me, the OP ;-)
Wavey75
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Post by Wavey75 on Jan 2, 2014 14:04:28 GMT
JJ,
There's always an explanation - for everything.
I'm over-weight and I have a problem controlling my eating (junk, binging, comfort eating, etc) and I know all the nutrition information, what to eat what not to eat, how to read food labels, etc. I know the causes and effects and I know what needs to be done - except that I don't do it and I don't know and can't explain why.
There's a 'why' to this also, I just haven't discovered it yet.
Same goes for the self-harm - there is a 'why', just haven't found it yet or the individual hasn't realised it.
DKL,
A book may well help, I often look for the epub/mobi version rather than reading online or a physical book, which i I can borrow from the internet.
Mike,
I don't wish to nor want to submerge myself in self-harming community, no amount of reading what people do and why will help with my process.
All that would do me me is frustrate me more with why I don;t know why she does it, but thanks for the thought.
I should point out that she is about to start therapy for this, as her sister did, except she refused to accept it as help when the first thing she was told to do was end her abusive relationship - she choose boy wonder instead.
There's no boy trouble with youngest along those lines thank christ.
Wavey75
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Post by Wavey75 on Jan 2, 2014 1:32:59 GMT
Could we have a legend of abbreviations for noobs?
So far I've encountered:
OP NT ADHDers - which I think is just a plural group? ADDers - see above
Wavey75
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Post by Wavey75 on Jan 2, 2014 1:26:59 GMT
I've been a father to my 3 daughters since they were 9, 6 and 2 years old when I first met them.
They are now 21, 18 and 15 and all size 6 to 8, 5 feet tall and think they're fat and ugly.
They could not be more wrong.
My problem is when I hear they are self-harming because they're unhappy, or upset or being shouted at, etc.
For whatever reason, when I ask them why they do it, they don't know.
This is illogical to me as it's quite simple - they don;y jump off a cliff because they know it will kill them, they don;t drink poison because they know it will kill them, they don't step in front of a moving car because they know it will hurt or kill them, so why do they hurt themselves???
I know that in certain situations it's a good thing to hurt in another place to take your mind of another place if your stuck half way up a mountain or something like that, the release of immune system cells helps, etc( I forget the science).
But sitting up in their rooms cutting their sides above the hips (they're not trying to remove mass due to delusions of obesity either) initially my middle daughter did this, and my youngest found out and 'copied' her technique, but now I've found out she's moved on to her lady razor (Venus or whatever) to cut herself.
This is really bugging me - not having an explanation for your own action when you have no excuse e.g. under the influence, like the high of it, etc.
Does anything else have this about them - the inability to let go of something?
I mean I can barely speak to her without some form of direct questioning falling out of my mouth because I'm completely confused and must understand 'why'
My wife tells me I shouldn't focus on it, just comfort her and let her know I'm there for her and care, but I can't help myself, it's there at the front of my mind repeating, pressing, waiting to push itself out of my mouth and into the air, which leads to an argument or my upsetting her, etc.
I have another situation with each of the other 2, one of them is in a violent abusive relationship, living with her boyfriend who abuses her and she still refuses to see he's completely wrong for her and she needs to get out, the eldest is living with her boyfriend who's about as thick as they come, nice lad and all, but he lies about everything (fairly harmless) but all she does is bitch about him, but when I say "So throw him out then!" I've upset her and she's telling her mother she won't visit while I'm here, etc.
It's all calmed down a little now (I think my ADHD Diagnosis helped with that a bit, but I don;t think they know what ADHD actually is) but my middle daughter is coming for a visit and I wanna run for the hills until she's gone as we're on our last threads with her as far as a relationship is concerned, after I pretty much drove her (metaphorically speaking) into his arms 6 hours away, as she moved out.
anyway, does anyone have any advice (that's not too wordy please!)
Wavey1975
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Post by Wavey75 on Jan 1, 2014 20:46:33 GMT
Hi,
The general consensus does seem to be for you to thank your lucky stars, forget him and move on.
You're out of it clean so now you can find someone without the hassle.
May I suggest march.com for when you really have moved on?
For me personally, the best way to get over someone, is to get under someone, but it doesn't work for everyone.
Good luck!
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Post by Wavey75 on Jan 1, 2014 18:40:18 GMT
Thanks, JJ.
Wavey1975
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Post by Wavey75 on Dec 31, 2013 11:34:49 GMT
Mike,
Thanks for the account of your experiences, it pretty much paints a picture of what I had imagined would happen at support meetings.
Dave,
You've made some interesting points there, some of it was stating how I feel about it and some of it made an impact on me. I grew up in South London, before moving around with work and ending up in Torquay.
I think it would be a good idea to advertise for a support room and see if there is any demand for it first, then I will think about a location and possible running it until someone else would prefer to or wants to.
Wavey75
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