|
Post by easilydistracted on Apr 3, 2016 23:34:38 GMT
Sailor - A glass of champagne
|
|
|
Post by easilydistracted on Mar 5, 2016 11:12:01 GMT
Hawkwind - Hurry On Sundown
|
|
|
Post by easilydistracted on Mar 5, 2016 10:19:24 GMT
Sorry to hear that it didn't go so well, with the cold it would always be difficult for the holiday to shine.
How did you get on with your goals, did you get any ticked off?
|
|
|
Post by easilydistracted on Mar 4, 2016 20:20:24 GMT
Wow easilydistracted That is such a good response from your employer and well done to you for using the strategies you used - it helped them and more importantly, it could well have helped yourself. There are so many people out there with all sorts of disabilities. It's very easy to feel others should understand our particular difficulties/disabilities (ADHD) and yet you have to believe that those "other significant people" are struggling to understand the condition(whatever disability) just as much as yourself. For you this seems to be a significant "win- win" situation but, I guess the challenge for you now is to think through what your employer might do to help you achieve your potential. That has to be your responsibility given that at this moment in time you know more about ADHD than your employer. Despite all that has gone before in terms of your employment history, it does sound as though your employer does believe you still have a future with them and they do want to find a way of keeping you on the books. Hope you find a good solution. Thank you I'm getting the impression, and it's one I'll pursue with them next week, that they are trying to encourage me to consider other roles in the company. My last role played to my strengths (firefighting), this role plays on my weaknesses (report writing). It could well be the best choice as the current role is not one I think I could ever be happy in. Food for thought!
|
|
|
Post by easilydistracted on Mar 4, 2016 19:29:34 GMT
OK! Update time... Decision made I marched into work and straight up to the HR department! No-one there. Wait, what about my plans??? Hmmph, it will have to be next week, hope I don't change my mind between now and then. Wander down to my desk, oh, I have a meeting with boss in a couple of mins to discuss my schedule for next week, she seems in a good mood so maybe... Rummage in rucksack for a copy of "Symptoms & FAQ’s" from the leaflets section of the website and head off to the meeting. It was amicable and effective. OK, go for it! "Is that anyone you recognise? I say as I pass the leaflet across the desk, folded so that only the symptoms are showing. She starts reading, looks up and smiles, "This is you, what is it?". "ADHD" "Ah, yes, we were wondering, you do share many traits with X" (another member of staff who has ADHD and some other stuff) The ice was broken, the subject broached, we started talking, properly talking Formalities, HR will need to be informed and provided with copies of any documentation I have. On the work front, tell us early if you are struggling, we will help. A lot of talking on a personal level. So, that was work today Get home, I have a letter, it's bulky. It's my referal, it's my referal and forms, lots of forms, forms for me to fill in, forms for others to fill in. Oh oh, time to go visit my parents, this will take awkward to a whole new level All in all a good day
|
|
|
Post by easilydistracted on Mar 3, 2016 22:24:39 GMT
Update
My referal went to the MHT who it seems took one look at my file and said I should be sent directly to ADHD-Adult Services. I've been given a date about 2 months out* (No letter of confirmation yet, this was over the phone). After reading some of the stories here I was over the moon to be getting seen so soon.
That was yesterday
Today I went into work and was handed a letter to say I had another review a couple of hours later this morning. Head spinning I went in and was ripped apart, I'm not good under this sort of pressure and went into meek mode and merely bleated that I was doing my best and needed more time. Managed one, possibly valid, reason for needing more time but I think that will be overwhelmed by the arguments against me.
I'll probably get one more review at which, I think and certainly feel, I'll be told that I haven't made the grade and that I'm being dismissed
I haven't told the work up till now about the possibility of ADHD, in part because I wanted to prove to myself that I could do it, in part because I wanted to prove to them I could do it, but more than anything, I've barely got my head around the idea myself without introducing the subject into a hostile environment, especially given my current "possibly" status.
I really wanted it to be a secret, shared only with this forum and a couple of people whom I trust not to change their view of me.
I'm not going to be allowed that, not if I want to keep my job. I need to work, I need the framework, the stability, the self-worth that comes from being able to stand on my own two feet. I need this job too, it's a good wage for someone without qualifications** and I've been slowly climbing out of the hole I got myself into a few years back. All that suddenly looks very uncertain and I'm scared of sinking again.
I need to be brave and face this head on and tell the work, accept that my pride will take a hit but that it's better in the long run.
<...a while later...> Sorry folks, This update ended up longer and far more emo than I intended, but I think I've convinced myself I need to do this. My head's*** still buzzing but I'm back up off the floor.
<...a while later...> Dear diary Do I hit send or not? It's far more honest than I'm comfortable with, but forming it has cleared things up and, maybe, someone else will read this and realise they are not the only one. For that reason, I think I will.
Time to go eat, food, real food
*I booked a day's holiday rather than tell the work what I needed the time off for... ** multiple college and uni droppouts, I have a problem finishing things, especially things that require writing... *** Only redbull and chocolate today, not the most stable of diets!
|
|
|
Post by easilydistracted on Feb 29, 2016 21:43:04 GMT
Control impulse purchases by not carrying cash - vending machine at work I'm looking at you here! Also helps with diet.
Don't use the cash back facility at the supermarket self service tills, it will spit your cash out while you are wondering how to get too much shopping into too small a rucksack, thank you Asda lady for reminding me. Use a normal cashmachine where focus is solely on using the machine.
|
|
|
Post by easilydistracted on Feb 29, 2016 0:03:52 GMT
5: Use the alarm function on your smart phone to help you with going to bed (as well as too many things to mention). Decide early on what time you need to be thinking of bed. Set an alarm for every 5 minutes for half an hour after that time. It can't make you go to bed, but it will be an irritant until you go. If you decide to turn off the alarms... well that's on you. Related to this: Two more alarms, 10 minute warning to leave the house, another to leave the house. Routines! Even if the head forgets, muscle memory sometimes fills the blanks Rucksack! Carry everything with you all the time...
|
|
|
Post by easilydistracted on Feb 23, 2016 20:11:51 GMT
Ballsy? Not really! I have a lot of confidence in my own abilities, I've dropped myself in the mire so often, spent so much time skating at the edge, my Houdini skills are quite well developed! It's the only time I feel properly awake... Also, maybe in part that's borne of necessity, as an outsider, if I don't tackle these things alone then I'll never do them. Is it stupidity? I don't do consequences... Is the buzz of throwing myself into the unknown? Possibly Ballsy for me would be going to a social event and staying the whole evening, I've been out once in the six years since I stopped drinking and even then spent most of the evening outside with a cigarette in my hand as my excuse for not going inside! Andrew
|
|
|
Post by easilydistracted on Feb 21, 2016 21:58:21 GMT
My holiday last year took the activity and lack of small talk almost to extremes. 2 weeks, just me, a bicycle and my tent. Wild camping so nothing to book, with the exceptions of ferries towards the beginning and the end, there was nothing to impose a schedule. Decided each morning which route I would take, packed tent and cycled till I got hungry, ate, then back on the bike until tired then pitch tent in a field, eat and bed. If I saw something interesting, roadside follies, fish swimming in a canal or a view from a clifftop I could stop and enjoy it as often and for as long as I liked. Maybe stop and talk to a local if I felt like it, otherwise just a wave and on I went. 2 weeks of life boiled down to its simplest, eat, sleep and cycle. No plan, no schedule, no deadlines. Bliss marionk There's no-one to rush you or delay you, do it at *your* pace, enjoy, you'll be fine
|
|
|
Post by easilydistracted on Feb 15, 2016 22:59:46 GMT
I was having a deep conversation with the other half and in the midst of having all the thoughts, I wondered.. Does our impulsivity mean we can trust our thoughts? I mean, sometimes I've asked for help of people and I haven't wanted the help by the time the words have left my mouth. All the thoughts. All the thoughts. (This is deliberate, btw, don't panic, it isn't word salad). The thoughts, they land so often and so briefly, including the bad ones. Which ones do I really mean? Do I have to wait and see which ones hang around? Sometimes the bad thoughts hang around. Like, I think I'm not the only one, I walk into a bank and I think, it'd be cool to rob a bank. I might even start planning one. I'd never do it, but I'm at fault for thinking about it? At what point is it bad? Thinking about it, mock planning, buying a balaclava. And the good ones, are they really me or are they just me having 'all the thoughts'? Sometimes I wish I was a lot more stupid, or had less thoughts, which is much the same thing. The WhereTF did that one come from thoughts? I put it down to random links, sometimes it's something from a film or a book or something I've overheard. Re the bank I hope that's not madness, I play that game all the time, now, how would I rob this bank? As long as we never actually try we are ok. Until the thought police come along that is!
|
|
|
Post by easilydistracted on Feb 15, 2016 22:19:19 GMT
I find that understanding how things work makes them easier to remember. The first time I consciously realised I do this was at school doing A level maths. Differentiation. I could never remember the forumula, but I could work it out from "first principles". Still difficult, and slow, but at least I could then answer the questions that needed the formula. With day to day things it's more useful, and often leads to solving problems or making useful connections, after all, if you don't understand a problem, how can you find a solution? Hmm, I wonder if 'the real Sherlock Holmes' was an ADHDer ... Yes! Absolutely! If you know how all the pieces fit together it's easy to fill in the gaps. Have had to take the same approach in exams as well, knowing the general direction you need to be going in but unsure of how to get there so start with the basics. Watched "The Martian" last night, properly good film, same idea too, break it down and work the problem. Excellent film, thoroughly recommend it to anyone. There is one wee problemo with this, Kathymel touches on it too, understanding the reasons makes it easy to remember. The flip side of that coin being when something, say for example a workplace rule, has no basis in common sense and instead seems just whimsical and to come straight from the "Because I say so" department, it makes it damn hard to obey
|
|
|
Post by easilydistracted on Feb 15, 2016 21:51:35 GMT
So good to have a GP who is prepared to listen when they realise they are mistaken. I hope your MHT are as good. It may take some time from here on in. Some Health Authorities have very long waiting lists. Fingers crossed. Did you tell your work about the possible ADHD, yet? Re doctor, she honestly seemed happy to be now able to help and it's nice to think I've maybe helped the next person she encounters. Re work, hmms, I've asked for a copy of the referal letter, hopefully that will drop through the door soon. I'll feel a bit more confident then about speaking to the work. The question will then be, do I take it directly to the HR department or do I take it to the boss? The latter brings her into the circle and may soften things a little. She's not all bad and under a lot of pressure with new projects, so I completely understand if also being made to manage a 46 year child may sometimes feel like a straw too many! Half tempted to wait till she's in a good mood and hand her just a copy of the symptoms and ask her if it's anyone she recognises
|
|
|
Post by easilydistracted on Feb 14, 2016 12:45:42 GMT
That went well Doctor didn't know there was anything for adults without prior diagnosis and was pleasantly surprised when I gave her the NICE guidelines with the appropriate parts highlighted. She wrote the referal straight away and asked if she could keep the copies of the letters from work to send with the referal. We then had a bit of a giggle about my school reports They too will be passed to the MHT. Talked a bit, some related, some not, a nice chat. Timescales unknown but the ball is now rolling
|
|
|
Post by easilydistracted on Feb 13, 2016 13:28:15 GMT
Yes it did, thank you Yesterday was another tough day at work, it seems the worse I do at the things I find difficult, the more the things I can do are taken off me. The boss has even started telling me I don't need to know how things work, loudly, in an open office. I'm curious by nature and this is like a kick in the face. I quietly said that was both hurtful and demeaning. Later I got a text with a partial sorry and that due to pressures at work we had to remain focused on the immediate tasks. So last night was tv, chocolate, cheesecake and ice-cream.... Today is a better day, heading off to the library to see what they have. Edit: nothing on adhd, but several books on autism/asd, one a biography ( I don't normally do these ), the other a self help book for students (it has chapters on social skills and time management). Given the apparent overlap I'm hoping it has some useful stuff in it.
|
|
|
Post by easilydistracted on Feb 10, 2016 22:40:45 GMT
well done easilydistracted there is a peculiar phenomenon with adhers where we perform much better under stress - it gets our brains into gear, with the combo of adrenaline and pure fear knocking us into peak performance mode. it's not sustainable, and rather exhausting, but it does get us out of a lot of messes. how else have we survived? there's quite a lot written about this around the forum - have a browse when you've got nothing better to do - inc a school of thought that says we were evolved to be outside the group as the advance party/emergency responders/quick thinkers in a crisis . and some stuff about burning out the adrenal glands by always living on the edge of stress. it's interesting how many untreated / undiagnosed adhders end up very successfully in good careers that use the quick thinking/creative/emergency brain. meanwhile, well done in all you have achieved today. it's not been easy, but you have done the best you could, and that's all we can ever really (realistically!) ask of ourselves. now might be the time to start thinking about how you can make future you have an easier time at work tomorrow by what you do with the rest of this evening. go gently ... outside the group Yep, I'm certainly that emergency responders/quick thinkers in a crisis This! You pretty much describe my last role, the company existed in a state of happy chaos and my role was basically playing whack-a-mole with problems, 80% of a solution now was better than 100% of a solution later. I was good at my job Then, as was probably inevitable, happy chaos company collapsed and was bought over by procedure company, my role was changed from reactive to proactive/preventative and my shortcomings/difficulties have become glaringly obvious. I don't think I wake up until the proverbial is well and truly hitting the fan and starting to fly everywhere. Yes, thank you. That, is my problem. Tonight is try and switch off, I'm on my 3rd bowl of ice cream and now have an avatar You take care too ta
|
|
|
Post by easilydistracted on Feb 10, 2016 21:18:00 GMT
... 'The Future Today' (extreme tech news) and 'Fifty shades of Hey, we're all going to die', (planetary extinction possibilities and near misses). We are repeated on Sats 10am... Sounds spot on, reminder set!
|
|
|
Post by easilydistracted on Feb 10, 2016 19:56:57 GMT
Minor and possibly o/t update.
Mentally exhausted from trying to fix my performance at work and feeling like I'm slipping further behind, painfully aware of every error I make and wondering when the bosses will decide enough is enough and that I'm a liability best got rid of, today was a far cry from the positivity of the last few days.
From being a high yesterday, thinking for the first time in my life, I can look critically at myself but without critisism, an honest chance to fix something that's been holding me back I'm now downright confused and dejected.
Today was also my nightschool exam, with no studying done - my head's just not there at the moment, and drained from the effort at work I arrived late at the exam, necking a can of redbull on my way in the door. I'm one of the minority that passed.
How in hecks name does that work? Adrenalin/caffeine/sugar rush? The quiet of the exam room? The short duration? How? Why can't I repeat that at work?
Thoroughly confused
|
|
|
Post by easilydistracted on Feb 8, 2016 23:26:31 GMT
vagueandrandom I will. This is, I think, just the start of a new stage in life. Honestly feeling an optimism I've not felt in years Kathymel Of course you may It is a bit long! That unstoppable drive is very curious, it's so at odds with everything else! Oh, I got no studying done... despite going to MacDonalds and sitting in a corner facing the wall, head just wasn't there and the CV is still blank....
|
|
|
Post by easilydistracted on Feb 8, 2016 21:18:21 GMT
Update,
Booked another appointment at GP, was told 1 week, asked if that would be a locum again, yep. OK how long to see a resident GP, 2 weeks.
Being aware that I have limited time on the is before the next performance review and a tad impatient I said 1 week, hope I don't get the same locum again. Have now got the NICE guidlines and am going through that marking up the relevant parts and making notes to go with it to explain how they apply to me along with anything I can use as documentary evidence.
I really have got the bit between my teeth on this!
Now, what I really should be doing at this very moment is studying for my nightschool exam in two nights time or preparing my CV which still remains a blank piece of paper.
If only I could bend my head to my will instead of it leading me.
Hmmms, that makes no sense at all but I can't think of any other way to put it!
|
|
|
Post by easilydistracted on Feb 8, 2016 0:11:37 GMT
Hi Bonji,
You are me a few years ago.
I didn't manage to stop in time and my world went crash, lost my job, destroyed my marriage and my kid is now a virtual stranger to me.
Desperate times call for desperate actions, you've come here for help, somewhere else maybe to look is in the phone book for AA. They are a very open bunch and if nothing else, going to the meetings is two hours that you won't be drinking and maybe you'll feel a bit stronger for a couple of hours after as well. They won't judge you and you don't need to talk if you don't feel like it.
Baby steps, lots of them, gets us there eventually
|
|
|
Post by easilydistracted on Feb 7, 2016 23:37:27 GMT
Thanks all for the kind words.
I'll make a fresh appointment tomorrow, this time for a working hours appointment and hope to see a resident doctor rather than a locum.
With the letters from work and the school reports I can demonstrate the continuing negative impact and ask for a referall. If I get the referall I'll be able to tell the work and it won't feel like I'm handing them a loaded gun. I can't tell if they are honestly trying to get me up to speed with the workload or trying to fasttrack me out the door on the cheap, I can't read people either.
I'll head off to that other thread now
Ta!
|
|
|
Post by easilydistracted on Feb 7, 2016 22:05:19 GMT
Hi, Things at work came to a head recently at work and I've been put on performance improvement plan at work, currently at stage 1 with stage 3 being dismissal. Failure to complete jobs, failure to meet deadlines and poor communication with collegues were put down as the initial reasons, all things I am chronically bad at. I've never shirked a challenge and I need my job so headlong off I went looking for how to fix these. Looking round the web amongst the various sites that would tell me to make lists and prioritise, I can't - plain and simple can't, were mentions of ADHD, lots of them. Yeah, but that's what kids have, right? Somehow I ended up with this www.nhs.uk/Conditions/Attention-deficit-hyperactivity-disorder/Pages/Symptoms.aspx I read the bit on adults and can only describe my reaction as "WOW!" then "OH SHIT!", talk about hitting the head on the nail? A couple a bit hand wavey but the rest bang on. OK, might be something in this, do a bit more reading... Letter pops through the door, it's the latest thing from work re my performance - he's trying hard but stiil failing on completing jobs in a timely manner, failing to prioritise and meet deadlines, lack of focus, too easily distracted and poor communication with collegues. Same issues again I have an appointment with the GP for something else, being serious about fixing me I take along this latest letter, could it really be this? I'm reluctant to self diagnose as I might just be seeing the things that match but not sensing the degree. It didn't go well. Well, I don't know what I was expecting. Either way the outcome was this - Tell the work you have real difficulties with what they are asking you to do and start writing your CV. Looking at the letter from your work it does look like you have ADHD but as it wasn't recognised when you were a child ( I'm 46 ) you are out of luck, no help is available. Please close the door on your way out. From being on a high, thinking I may be able to target the reason I'm a serial eff-up and live the same sort of life as other people do, crash the door was slammed in my face and bolted shut, damning me forever. Last night wasn't a good night. Today was a little better, I came out fighting. I'm looking for ways to fix this without their help if need be. I've found my school reports from ages 4-11 (*) all with the same comment "easily distracted" and various comments along the lines of "lacks the ability to concentrate and still seems incapable of finishing a days work", "behaviour still tends to be immature". This is not a new problem. Self medication is not an option, let's just say, been there, tried that and still trying to rebuild my life... I need to re-learn how to think, I have an uphill struggle, no, an upcliff struggle and I don't have the equipment, yet, to do it, but I finally recognise I have something that a) needs fixing and b) I can't do alone. So, I'm here Hi * I've been told I have a serious hoarding problem!!!
|
|