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Post by Kathymel on Feb 8, 2016 22:47:20 GMT
That's great, Easily D. (if I might take the liberty of calling you that).
One of the bonuses (and challenges) of ADHD is that once you get that bit between the teeth, NOTHING can distract you. Good luck. Let us know how you get on, won't you?
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Post by Kathymel on Feb 8, 2016 18:42:58 GMT
Hey, Manson. I've been catching up on threads I've missed.
Sorry to hear you've had such a rough time of it, lately.
I can't possibly go back and catch up on everything I've missed, so it would be lovely to have a chat/pm sometime.
Kx
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Post by Kathymel on Feb 8, 2016 18:24:44 GMT
I have just looked round the house and come up with this:
1. The compost bucket made it about a quarter of the way to the outside compost bin. (This may have been last week, actually.)
2. The laundry only got partially hung up and the rest will have to go back in the machine, now.
3. My neighbour's trousers are still stuck in the sewing machine half way along a seam.
4. The bucket containing ashes from my woodburner is blocking the front door.
5. A form needed by my new employer (P46?) is buried half-completed under more recent pieces of paper.
I'm sure there's more.
What haven't you completed?
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Post by Kathymel on Feb 8, 2016 17:40:36 GMT
Nice to see all the senior members coming in to say hello! petra Hello! Long time, no type.
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Post by Kathymel on Feb 8, 2016 0:00:29 GMT
Your words, "A narcissist focuses on one person and attempts to assimilate them" made me think of another person I met recently who made me uncomfortable. She was constantly trying to impress me with the severity of her problems, whilst making out they were also a joke. But she also used to tag me in FB memes that she'd made for me about how great a friend I was. I wasn't, really, I was just listening and trying to be supportive, but I actually found it all a bit creepy and manipulative.
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Post by Kathymel on Feb 7, 2016 22:49:29 GMT
Thanks for your response, Clubby.
I've always said I think I would have been a very damaged individual had my father not left when I was young. Impossible to know, of course, but my childhood was very simple and quiet without him and I'm glad my mother found the strength to kick him out.
Sorry to hear you have been put through the mill and I hope the counselling has helped. Did you manage to piece anything together to begin to explain it? Interesting that she perceives the negative personality as male.
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Post by Kathymel on Feb 7, 2016 22:38:44 GMT
Hi there.
Your GP is wrong, plain and simple. There is help for adults and s/he is not in a position to deny it to you. Gather as much evidence together as you can and go back and insist on a referral. If s/he says no, complain.
In addition to this, if you are worried about losing your job, I would strongly recommend telling your work that you are seeking a diagnosis. Tell them in writing. It may be (and I hope someone will correct me if I'm wrong) that, even without a diagnosis, they have to make reasonable adjustments for you if a disability is suspected. (That's how it works in schools, so I could be talking out of my arse, tbh.)
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Post by Kathymel on Feb 7, 2016 21:25:02 GMT
I've always considered myself 100% female (though very much a tomboy in my youth) and 100% hetero.
It wasn't until my son started talking to me about his and his friendship group's sexuality that I questioned whether this wasn't necessarily a completely genetic thing. He says very few of his friends identify as completely one or the other. It makes me wonder, if I was his age now, with his open-to-anything peer group, whether I would feel the same way?
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Post by Kathymel on Feb 7, 2016 21:15:52 GMT
It's great to be back!
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Post by Kathymel on Feb 7, 2016 20:22:33 GMT
Sunday list (thanks for the idea random ) write listyoga x 10 mins meditation x 10-20 mins watch rugby & sew in gazillion ends of knitting wrap up stuff x2 ready to post put up flipchart ready to write on bath early night EDIT: not the best day, so far And what happened to taking it easy?
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Post by Kathymel on Feb 7, 2016 19:30:13 GMT
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Post by Kathymel on Feb 7, 2016 19:15:15 GMT
Apparantly people with NPD (narcissistic personality disorder) will sabotage other peoples lives to get what they want and if they dont get what they want all hell breaks loose, Does that sound like your father? I know so little about the details of his life that it's hard to know if he was deliberately sabotaging the people he left broken behind him. My mother stayed solitary from the day he left until she died, 40 years later. All she would ever say was, 'I had enough with your father.' The only deliberate act I know details of concerns the woman he was having an affair with whilst married to his sixth wife. He wanted to leave her and marry the mistress. The mistress wouldn't leave her boyfriend. He placed a small, home-made pipe bomb under the boyfriend's car. (It wasn't meant to wound, apparently, just to frighten.) Other than that, he is a peacock of the first order and thinks everything about himself is fascinating. To my lasting horror, he thought I would be interested in his sex life, so his letter described details from several of his relationships, including that with my mother. So not normal.
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Post by Kathymel on Feb 6, 2016 22:48:58 GMT
My cousin and I were trying to piece together his childhood to work out if that could have had an effect on his current personality. Apparently, his mother thought he could do no wrong and he was never controlled or criticised. He was the absolute center of her universe. He stole from her a lot, apparently, and she never complained. She ended up dying in poverty.
We wondered if it was possible for someone to start out with something like ADHD and, through circumstances like this, for it to evolve into NPD or something similar. To be honest, I'm not even sure if NPD is a neurobiological disorder or psychological.
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Post by Kathymel on Feb 6, 2016 22:08:59 GMT
I'm not blaming my father for my ADHD and I'm perfectly aware that it will go back through many generations. He is just the immediate link. The genetic link.
I am here to ask if other people know more than I do about this, not to make an unequivocal statement. It's an exploration of a situation that interests me and I'm confused as to why you find it offensive.
Edited to say: I'm also very happy with who I am and don't feel the need to blame anyone. Rather, I'm thankful for whatever combination of genes it was that made me this way. I'm not saying I have always felt this way, of course, but who I am now is exactly who I want to be. I'm very grateful for that.
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Post by Kathymel on Feb 6, 2016 21:13:24 GMT
It became obvious to me pretty soon after I started looking into ADHD that my father was the genetic root of the problem. Countless short-term jobs, constant house moving, 3 nationalities and 7 wives seemed to sum it up quite nicely. However, I couldn’t get the rest of him to fit into the picture. It wasn’t until a recent conversation with a cousin that I realised I might be looking at the wrong picture altogether.
I have a letter from him, received after many years estrangement, where he manages to talk about himself non-stop for 14 sides of A4. Having not seen me for 20 years, he had only one question.
‘You mention your son, but not his father. Was he a charming son-of-a-bitch like me who put a bun in your oven and then ran away?’
Actually, even that managed to be about him, now I think of it.
My cousin said she had a similar letter. She has also met him recently. Apparently his company is eccentric, though not in a good way. He turned up dressed as Doc Holliday – the full regalia. The costume was so hot in the Californian summer heat that he sweated all day, but didn’t remove it. He’s a very fit and agile 80, but he was also so crippled by the boots that he couldn’t walk without assistance after a while.
He talked about himself for two days. If a conversation wasn’t about him, he would turn it round so it was. If a topic didn’t directly relate to him, he found a way to crowbar an experience of his into it. He just couldn’t bear to be on the sidelines of anything.
I suggested it sounded like Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Apparently, after half an hour of meeting him, another friend of my cousin had said the same thing.
I haven’t done much research on this and I’m writing a dissertation at the moment so I’m not going to. I just wondered if anyone knew more about it. And don’t worry about being sensitive because he is my father. He is actually the biggest arse that ever walked the planet, so please, do be frank.
Oh, and I haven’t even got around to mentioning the fraud, the illegal weapon possession, the pipe bomb and the two prison sentences, yet.
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Post by Kathymel on Jan 21, 2016 10:46:20 GMT
You refuse to buy a satnav for 10+ years because you're not stupid and other people can get from A to B without them so you should be able to as well and they're expensive (even though the amount of petrol you use trying to get un-lost every single time you go out in the car would probably pay for one in a few weeks) and next time you'll definitely remember to consult the map (which you WILL remember to put back in the car) before you get lost, not after and then you'll be just fine, thank you very much ...
And then when, after a particularly frustrating summer getting lost nearly every single sodding weekend for bloody hours at a time in various labyrinthine lanes around the country and getting so frustrated that you're in tears on several occasions and hate yourself for being a stubborn idiot, you buy one and, for the first time in your life you drive somewhere without making a mistake and arrive un-flustered and calm and now you're like ... why didn't I do this before?
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Post by Kathymel on Jan 21, 2016 10:25:35 GMT
Brilliant JJ - be fab to see Kathymel again petra ? i know it's a long way for most people (and about 4 miles from me, so no doubt i'll be the last to arrive) but a rare opportunity Will be fab to see you, too.
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Post by Kathymel on Aug 27, 2015 20:14:38 GMT
Hi CM. Lovely to see you, too. Hoping to get on here more often for a while whilst I'm finishing my degree (at last!). I don't have internet at home, but I'll have it at uni. Must catch up with everyone!
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Post by Kathymel on Aug 27, 2015 19:40:34 GMT
Thanks Manson. I will have to try and catch up with everyone's news.
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Post by Kathymel on Aug 27, 2015 17:15:49 GMT
You return to AADDUK after a long absence to find some info for someone and 2 hours later you are still here and they are still waiting ...
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Post by Kathymel on Aug 27, 2015 17:03:14 GMT
I'd totally love to be part of a group called "how fucking dare they" Excellent excellent idea Could we dust down the ninja costumes for this?
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Post by Kathymel on Feb 16, 2014 21:49:38 GMT
Oh, thank you so much too, AWTF! That's actually made my evening.
I'm glad you managed to get something done house-wise. It's so much easier to think when you're not surrounded by mess.
Cleaning up and then inviting people over is the sensible way to do things. I sometimes invite people over and then think, OMG! I'd better clean!
Good luck with your manager.
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Post by Kathymel on Feb 16, 2014 17:01:53 GMT
Adhd’ers have higher rates of divorce / separation and children tend to end up living with their mothers. Are there stats on this, do you know, JJ? Edit - the first bit of the sentence, not the second.
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Post by Kathymel on Feb 16, 2014 16:36:32 GMT
I do feel for you! It's completely unfair when people take advantage of someone who wants to work hard.
You have every right to feel like you do and you mustn't perceive that you have any less right to feel stressed about your life than anyone else. ADHDers tend to cope with stress poorly and get more emotional than other people. It's not wrong and there's little you can do to change it except just try to accept that it's harder for you to do things and not to give yourself such a hard time.
And then a wedding on top of everything else. Albeit a happy occasion, they are one of the most stressful events of a person's life.
I hope you get to talk to your boss and are able to explain how you feel. I hope s/he is understanding, too.
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Post by Kathymel on Feb 16, 2014 2:28:51 GMT
Of course it would be racist for black members to reject a white mod!! It would only be reasonable for black members - or any other members - to reject a racist mod! We cannot have matching mods and boards for every minority or special interest group. That just entrenches ghetto mentality. We need objective, balanced mods who treat everyone with respect and dispassionate even-handedness. I'm sorry, Shiny, but you've completely misunderstood me. Perhaps I wasn't clear. I wasn't suggesting that black members of this forum should reject a white mod, of course that would be wrong. I was saying that members of a black forum, an all black forum, would never accept a white mod to have control over what posts were acceptable. It was just an example to illustrate my point.
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Post by Kathymel on Feb 16, 2014 0:06:32 GMT
I saw this posted a wee while ago on the ADHD Europe FB page. I haven't looked into it myself but someone on there responded with this: I have to point out this study has been widely misreported. It did not tell us about drivers with ADHD or even road accidents as reported in this news item. They searched the records for anyone with an ICD-10 f90 diagnosis of hyperkinetic disorder who had been treated in Emergency for a 'transport accident' as defined by ICD-10 ( V01-V099) en.wikisource.org/wiki/ICD-10-CM_(2010)/CHAPTER_20.... This includes passengers injured in car accidents, bike, bus & train accidents, pedestrians injured by moving vehicles, horse riding accidents, water skiing, parachuting & many more. I talked to a traffic psychologist & he was mystified by the conclusions!This version seems to have spread far and wide, now.
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Post by Kathymel on Feb 15, 2014 23:46:11 GMT
I would definitely try for both. Which one is first?
If questioned afterwards (very unlikely, I think) I would adopt my most ADHD manner and tell them I just got confused about whose appointment was when and for what reason and then the phone rang and the kettle boiled and what day is it and oh, look, a badger!
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Post by Kathymel on Feb 15, 2014 23:11:54 GMT
Gender specific moderators? Entrenched sexism. No, this is not sexism. This is giving over control to the people for whom the board is for. Would it be racism if members of a black forum did not wish for a white man to be in control of what they could or could not post? Would it be wrong for gay people to not want a straight person to be in control of their own forum? What is surprising to me is that you cannot see how patriarchal this attitude is. Is it really so hard to understand?
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Post by Kathymel on Feb 15, 2014 13:34:23 GMT
One more thing.
The women's forum should be moderated by a woman.
Previously, you complained that the thread 'Are women at a disadvantage?', died a death because of where it was. That wasn't the case. It petered out because it became apparent that any woman expressing a view would be mocked. It stopped being a safe area to post almost as soon as it was conceived.
Unless you have had the experience of being treated as second class by a patriarchal society, you cannot dismiss the voices of those that have. One man should not have the power to control the freedom of expression of every woman on this site. Your threat to close the woman's forum when it didn't do what YOU wanted illustrates this very well indeed.
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Post by Kathymel on Feb 15, 2014 13:16:23 GMT
I added a comment to that thread before I saw this comment: The moment I saw the thread title my heart sank - all I saw was that it was going to be sexist crap, lets get together and moan about men etc. And while it remains in the women's section that's what it will be. But I resolutely came round, pretty quickly, to realising that the subject is of major importance. It's not a women's issue. It's everyone's issue. Women need to discuss it. But if you think it's a female issue - what's the point if the male population doesn't get to participate and read about how things are perceived. Men need to discuss it too. If they don't then how will you stop them being 'unreconstructed'? The thread was not conceived as a man-bashing exercise. That you saw it as that is down to your own perceptions. What is the point of setting up an area for women to discuss things that they think affect them, if you, a man, immediately start trying to dictate what can be discussed? And why, just because it is in the women's section, does it preclude men from joining in? This is, after all, not a private forum and anyone can present their views.
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