|
Post by Kathymel on Feb 15, 2014 13:08:54 GMT
I know that a lot of the more beautifully mature ish ladies on here are single, less so the lovely younger ones... just wondering if you feel that we're in a worse situation because often, not always I know, men's ADHD problems are compensated for by the NT women in their lives and their ability to hold it all together with their multi skills, especially organisation... I was thinking about this again today in terms of wage inequality and how ADHD might affect women. Women on average earn nearly 20% less than men. People with disabilities also earn significantly less than non-disabled people. A woman with ADHD therefore has a dual disadvantage compared to the average earner. In couples where the man has ADHD, the average effect of a lower wage might be to equalise their income. In couples where the woman has ADHD, the average effect would be to increase the inequality. Wage inequality increases dependance of the lower earner on the higher. When the woman is the lower earner, it is more likely that she will be the one who will give up work to look after children, lowering her chances of future well-paid employment and increasing her financial dependance on her partner. Financial inequality reduces the ability of the dependent person to make choices and decisions, limits their social status, limits their life choices and makes it harder to exit the relationship.
|
|
|
Post by Kathymel on Feb 14, 2014 21:36:12 GMT
I am so glad it went well for you! Hope you get a better internet connection soon, so you can tell us more ...
Kx
|
|
|
Post by Kathymel on Feb 14, 2014 8:18:38 GMT
Good luck, CM!
|
|
|
Post by Kathymel on Feb 14, 2014 8:17:47 GMT
That's such lovely news, AWTF!
All the best to you and Superman for the future.
xXx
|
|
|
Post by Kathymel on Feb 13, 2014 12:37:33 GMT
Another thing. The 'are women at a disadvantage' thread. It is NOT a women's issue - it's an important issue for EVERYONEI am genuinely at a loss as to why you seem to be offended that women with ADHD wish to discuss whether or not they feel they are disadvantaged compared to men with ADHD on the women's forum which you set up so that women could discuss issues that they feel relate to being women. The thread was started to elicit a debate. Among women. In the women's area. The first reply is from you saying, "Oh, purleeese". What was the point of setting up that forum if you're going to take issue with what is discussed there? If you feel the topic should be discussed more widely, why not start a thread elsewhere where people discuss whether they are disadvantaged compared to NTs (which is where I think you are coming from) and allow us to debate un-mocked. I feel you will start to accuse me of trolling next because I am still trying to discuss this matter, but I sincerely do not understand your position and I want to.
|
|
|
Post by Kathymel on Feb 13, 2014 10:55:18 GMT
I'm approaching 50, and was more miffed about not being a gal and missing the ladies-only night last week down London than worrying about a bunch of young guns leaving me out. I think Atticus for one might not take kindly to being described as a lady. I take your point, though. I look forward to meeting you, one day.
|
|
|
Post by Kathymel on Feb 13, 2014 7:24:57 GMT
And finally (on a roll, now)! It is not my opinion that women have been oppressed for decades by the kind of language you are advocating is OK here. It is fact. It is used to demean. It is patronising. It's the kind of language The Sun thinks is fine to use. It makes women uncomfortable. That 'kind of language' makes some women uncomfortable. Me? Not so much. Words don't oppress me. The people who use them, do. I feel far more oppressed by political correctness fanatics who insist on Bowdlerising human discourse to the point where it has the character and value of processed cheese, than I do by people who have irreverent and occasionally inappropriate senses of humour, but who are essentially kind and open-minded towards their fellow man person, whoever they might be. And just to return one last time to the theme of 'offensiveness' - I found your patronising 'let me soothe you first about what a difficult job you do because I'm about to have a go at you for being a sexist pig' post pretty offensive. Next time, skip the soft-soap and just take your swipe - it's more honest. Shiny, I understand you are upset and I am genuinely sorry you feel that way. It was not my intent to patronise when I said being an admin on the forum is a difficult job. I said it because I meant it and because I think it needs to be acknowledged sometimes. I did not call anyone a sexist pig, though I admit that 'unreconstructed' was going too far. The word 'wimmin' does not offend me. What offends me is the dismissive attitude to women's concerns about inequality. What offends me is the refusal to consider that there might be an inequality and that it should be looked at. That some women are not offended by the occasional sexist stance of an admin does not mean that it is acceptable. Some women aren't offended by page 3 either. I am and I believe it has no place in our society. If I was the only person on the forum to be offended, I would accept that my view was out of step with the rest and try to accept it. I am not, though. There are several people who have expressed discomfort and, therefore, it is something that ought to be discussed and addressed. However, there is a feeling that anyone raising their heads above the parapet to complain will get ridiculed. This has stopped people from speaking out. Two people contacted me yesterday to say they agreed but couldn't face getting involved because of the unpleasantness they felt would ensue. I have touched on the topic before but I was dismissed, as others have been, and I let it drop. I'm not prepared to do that any longer, partly because it seems to be getting more frequent. Should we just ignore these concerns because others are offended at our offense? Members of the forum are being alienated by this and we need to talk about it. It is starting to feel like the forum is not a democratic arena where people can debate openly about any topic they feel might be related to ADHD, but one where any female-related topic that isn't approved will be mocked. By the admin. I said that it is a hard job because I think it is. I think it is unfair to expect one person to manage the whole forum. There will always be arguments and one person's perspective is not always enough to deal with things. People make mistakes and everyone has prejudices. The bottom line is there should be equality and, if people feel there is not, there should be a debate about it.
|
|
|
Post by Kathymel on Feb 13, 2014 2:03:40 GMT
Ditto Kathymel, I feel that there is a definite detrimental bias against females here. But look at the recent research, we are not alone now I don't. Agreed. I don't feel that there is a detrimental bias. I think there is a good balance, on the whole. However, there is sexism and there is a mocking, borderline bullying reaction to anyone who challenges it.
|
|
|
Post by Kathymel on Feb 12, 2014 23:56:08 GMT
It would be interesting, before this topic gets deleted, to hear what opinions the other admins have.
|
|
|
Post by Kathymel on Feb 12, 2014 23:27:04 GMT
I like the women's section - there are particular issues at play which are deserving - like there is no reciprocal for the maternity unit of a hospital. Using that example I'm going to delete this section - there is no reciprocal need and, as I thought it would, it has brought only divisiveness. Consider it a failed experiment. It bought divisiveness not because it's a failed experiment, but because there is a level of sexism here that you are not willing to admit to.
|
|
|
Post by Kathymel on Feb 12, 2014 20:43:01 GMT
Nah - it is about opinions. I can see yours, and I respect it for its logic. Mine is different and works to a different logic which I'm willing to defend. Pandering to stereotype can be perceived as abuse, but when it patently isn't then it isn't,it's paranoia. You should see a psychiatrist! Look, a smilie. That indicates humour but now I'm being patronising...you know....talking down to you It is not my opinion that women have been oppressed for decades by the kind of language you are advocating is OK here. It is fact. It is used to demean. It is patronising. It's the kind of language The Sun thinks is fine to use. It makes women uncomfortable. That you use patronising language as a joke to indicate how 'paranoid' I am is the icing on the cake and just goes to show how insensitive, out-of-touch and unreconstructed you are. It is one of the tried and tested methods of putting women down when they complain about any sexist treatment they get - tell them they just don't have a sense of humour! Oh, how we laughed! That you actually stooped to this tactic leaves me gobsmacked. I can enjoy a joke like the next person, but your attitude to this matter makes me want to turn my back on this forum for the first time since I joined.
|
|
|
Post by Kathymel on Feb 12, 2014 13:04:16 GMT
It's not about opinions. People have a right to their opinions that other people must accept. For example, I would uphold anyone's right to hold religious beliefs and to express those beliefs, regardless of my very strong negative view of religion.
What I feel is out of place is the gender cliches used within the headings of the forums. It panders to stereotypical ideas that have been used to oppress men and women for decades. I don't think it should be present in the structure of a support forum.
You and anyone else can say whatever they like within the forums and I have no problem so long as it doesn't cross the line into abuse, but I think the bones of the forum shouldn't contain language that is linked to negative stereotyping.
|
|
|
Post by Kathymel on Feb 12, 2014 11:25:36 GMT
You have to change the Verified by Visa password every single time you use your card. I've started choosing a word from each password page and changing some of the letters to numbers for my passwords. It's not infallible, but it helps. Another thing I do is to choose a word that goes naturally with the site or is a play on words, for example, I might have the password wagefriend for Paypal (or w4g3fr13nd). I still end up forgetting some, but it's gradually becoming easier as I refine it (and I have a hidden, coded (occasionally, too coded!) list for the ones I've got round to remembering to do).
|
|
|
Post by Kathymel on Feb 12, 2014 11:13:42 GMT
I agree it would be refreshing to be able to discuss gender differences and have male/female specific forum areas without resorting to gender stereotyping like 'The Man Cave', 'No gurls' and 'Women, know your place'.
@planetdave, you do a fantastic job on here. I know you find it stressful and time-consuming and other people probably definitely don't understand how much effort goes in to doing this because much of what you do is behind the scenes. However, even though the intent is to amuse, the gender cliches can be offensive when they are in the context of forum policy.
If we could just have forums titled 'Men's area' and 'Women's area', that would be great.
|
|
|
Post by Kathymel on Feb 12, 2014 9:03:15 GMT
Hi Josh.
I think one of the reasons this post has not found favour is that you haven't signed up or introduced yourself. If you look at it from our point of view, an unknown person appeared and suggested an exclusive few have a get together. It was bound to wrankle.
Here's how it could have gone ...
Josh signs up, introduces himself and finds out what sort of support and common ground is available within the forum.
He explains that he is very shy and not comfortable around women or older people. He'd like to meet people but is worried that he will be tongue tied and unable to express himself around people.
He is deluged with suggestions on how to overcome this shyness. Perhaps a couple of people that he feels comfortable with could meet up for a chat before the main London meet so he doesn't have to walk in alone and knowing no one? Perhaps he could meet up with a couple of sympathetic people at another time?
Can you understand why we might have been offended? We are a support group and we want to support you, however, without knowing the reasons, we might not want to support your exclusive meeting terms.
Why not start over?
|
|
|
Post by Kathymel on Feb 11, 2014 18:28:00 GMT
Ha ha. My dog has quite a varied diet, too. It's not uncommon for me to have to cook up pasta for him for a couple of days after the dog food runs out. His face whilst we're waiting for it to cool ... bless.
Thank God for huge 15Kg bags that last for months.
|
|
|
Post by Kathymel on Feb 9, 2014 2:07:44 GMT
Fingers crossed the new meds do something positive, mrsh. How is work going now?
|
|
|
Post by Kathymel on Feb 9, 2014 1:53:58 GMT
Glad you managed to climb out of the pit mostly, petra. I feel for you with the procrastination, though. I think I hate my procrastination more than anything else. My IFR was sent in November, too. Still heard nothing about it, though I got my next appointment letter a couple of days ago and it's not until April! So frustrating! Hope yours turns up soon. x
|
|
|
Post by Kathymel on Feb 7, 2014 12:51:02 GMT
I think the question 'Are women at a disadvantage?' is a perfectly valid topic for debate. It is opening up an idea and asking people to contribute, not presupposing that the answer is yes.
It is a fact that women with a disability are at an added disadvantage when compared to men with a disability, purely because of the intersectionality of their disability with the societal disadvantage they already experience by being women in the first place.
|
|
|
Post by Kathymel on Feb 7, 2014 12:36:28 GMT
It was back in my arms by midday today! Awesome efficiency (ignoring the first trip - anyone could do that!). So happy to have my laptop working again. Thanks, Jan!
|
|
|
Post by Kathymel on Feb 3, 2014 23:31:17 GMT
You've worked so hard Petra and achieved so much. You should be very proud of yourself. I hope it gets better soon. Feb now, perhaps there'll be a bit of sun to help things along, soon. xXx
|
|
|
Post by Kathymel on Feb 2, 2014 0:40:53 GMT
We-hey! Well done! And look at you with your orange stars!
|
|
|
Post by Kathymel on Feb 2, 2014 0:21:19 GMT
I think you're saying your GP has changed your meds, is that right?
I wonder if he thinks you have to start titration from scratch with every different type?
|
|
|
Post by Kathymel on Feb 2, 2014 0:17:44 GMT
Glad your psych took it seriously and called you back. I hope you can get to the bottom of it.
How was work when you went back?
|
|
|
Post by Kathymel on Feb 1, 2014 21:32:33 GMT
No! Not even to look at this thread!!!
|
|
|
Post by Kathymel on Feb 1, 2014 21:32:04 GMT
And don't come back until that photocopying is done!!!
|
|
|
Post by Kathymel on Feb 1, 2014 9:41:16 GMT
Thank, JJ. Got there in the end. Call it a joint effort. I copied and pasted your post above and just edited it until it fit. You wouldn't know that I'd not actually seen it, would you?
|
|
|
Post by Kathymel on Jan 31, 2014 23:52:37 GMT
Congratulations!!!! Bloody hell, though ... cutting it fine! I hope that second figure is nearer the final figure than the first. And I hope you have something extremely nice to celebrate with.
|
|
|
Post by Kathymel on Jan 31, 2014 23:42:31 GMT
You could run this as a service, ADDman. People would tell you dates that they need to remember and, for a small consideration, you could provide online reminders with increasing urgency as the day approaches. Nag-a-grammes, if you will.
|
|
|
Post by Kathymel on Jan 31, 2014 22:14:12 GMT
mlewis77, why don't you introduce yourself?
|
|