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Post by Lesley on Sept 14, 2013 13:48:03 GMT
you might as well have mine Don't you dare give your book away, Jan! You WILL get round to it. (Though, come to think of it, didn't you say long ago that you have two or three copies of the book because you overordered? You can pass the extra copies on - or have you got rid of them already?) don't know why I can't seem to do stuff that's good for me What do you mean? - you do yoga, don't you - that's good for you - and mindful. And you go to the support group meetings and socialise on here - are those not good for you? I've fallen by the wayside again - not done any mindfulness for the last couple of days - but I have made a start on sorting out the clutter in my study.
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Post by jan on Sept 14, 2013 18:00:23 GMT
yes did have extra copies but gave them away your right - I do do things that are good for me - like yoga and not telling petra why I was kicked out of guides ha ha am having lot of fun doing that and your right - I will get round to doing the mindfulness EVEN IF IT BLOODY KILLS ME just not today
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Post by contrarymary on Sept 15, 2013 14:46:02 GMT
ok. i haven't started the new mindfulness chapter (step two) but wanted to try to explain step one/this last week as a whole, having got through it all all all all all...
2nd week/step one
i divided the reading/exercises into two chunks, and did the first chunk of reading and couple of exercises in about 40 mins, really slowly. and the second chunk also really slowly in perhaps 45 mins a couple of days later. if i hadn't procrastinated a lot and got distracted so much then the whole thing would have taken me about an hour, leaving me the rest of the week to practice it.
as it was, i didn't finish going through Step One until wednesday, and then i have done tiny bits of practice, for as maybe 2-15 mins at a time maybe 3 or 4 times since, i think most days and perhaps a couple of times some days. Mostly around doing the washing up or when trying to deal with really painful noises. (Strangely it does help to cope with both of those which may be why i remember.)
I get stressed doing chores, and more so if they go on for too long, but with washing up mindfully i have found i do it more slowly but don't worry about it so much; when i've paid attention i've been more aware of when i'm getting uncomfortable or tired, more aware of when i'm anxious and what that does to my breathing (unless it's the breathing that makes me anxious!); more aware of holding my body tensely - which i've now realised i do most of the time - and try to make a conscious effort to relax and let go.
that thing of taking a deep breath and scrunching yourself up ready to jump off a cliff into shark-infested waters? that. i seem to be like that most of the time in order to do most things. that might explain why i so often run out of breath when brushing my teeth. a few times this last few days i've noticed i'm doing that, and have been at least able to notice it if not able to do anything about it.
and then this morning, which was a bit astonishing... to try and explain i'll throw in a bit of background. i go out and do stuff each sunday morning, variations on a theme each week. if i do nothing else in the week i will try and do that, and it kind of acts as about the only really regular activity in my life. it's quite a good bellwether as to how i am doing. ...... last weekend i was exhausted and even tho i had rested most of the week and done the old gentle yoga thing on sunday morning i found that i swiftly ran out of capacity while out and really struggled. no doubt most people i encountered while i was out would at best have thought i was in a bad mood, at worst that i struggled to communicate with humans and in fact was from another planet where screaming and cringing at the simplest of things (like someone talking in your ear when you're in the middle of a thought) is de rigeur.
this week i had had less sleep and would have thought i was even more tired than last week, and would have had the same sort of day.. instead of doing gentle yoga i decided to do a bit of gentle breathing and see if i could find that same stillness that i'd found when doing the mindful "senses as radio stations" thing of a few days ago......
it didn't take very long before i was breathing gently and felt as tho i was sitting above my thoughts, almost watching them buzz around like ants on acid. only instead of being in the middle of them and pushed back and forth by each thought, it was as tho i was looking down at them from quite a way up. gave a really different perspective, almost literally. it felt weirdly as tho i was able to go "there, there" to my thoughts, acknowledging their buzziness but not worried about it because i wasn't feeling them. really weird, but in a really good way.
so then i went out, no time for yoga but really relaxed. cold because not dressed for the weather, but not worried, struggled because of triathlon traffic but not worried. and even tho the logistics were far harder and i'd only had about five hours sleep..... i had capacity for people, i was relaxed, i had some great conversations, i was enjoying spending time with people without feeling awkward or tired or as tho i wanted to go and wishing i hadn't gone (as last week), or socially struggling or getting to screaming point or any of the stuff that i might normally go through. it was just really cool. and i dealt with a few logistical issues and got home again with energy left over for doing stuff, and did some washing up and made some food.
HUH??...... i usually need transition time when i come home and am exhausted and lie down or chill on the laptop for a few hours to recover from all that input that makes me go hyper and need to deaden myself down again. here i am thinking, i wonder if i could make something with the windfall apples this afternoon?
so i just had a quick peek at step two, and i see it's about breathing and it's only ten pages long and has got two exercises. so i'm going to try not to procrastinate this one cos what's the big deal, right?
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Post by jan on Sept 16, 2013 7:13:03 GMT
it didn't take very long before i was breathing gently and felt as tho i was sitting above my thoughts, almost watching them buzz around like ants on acid. only instead of being in the middle of them and pushed back and forth by each thought, it was as tho i was looking down at them from quite a way up. gave a really different perspective, almost literally. it felt weirdly as tho i was able to go "there, there" to my thoughts, acknowledging their buzziness but not worried about it because i wasn't feeling them. really weird, but in a really good way. your really selling this mindfulness to me mary - sounds amazing i really want to get into this - it sounds like a lifelong skill that will be so worthwhile to learn.i want to see my thoughts 'buzzin around like their on acid ' - (love that sooooo funny - but describes us so well )
you've got a way with words mary - you write beautifully
today not a good day for me to get into it as have friend staying and my daughters boyfriend (he seems to have been here for more than 2 weeks now - thinkin about it - think she's sneakily moved him in ) and i've got work and then meeting a mate - need to have time on my own and plan it in my head the day before - but my mates training to be yoga teacher and so will be doing an hour or so's yoga this morn before i go out and will bring the mindfulness into the poses and breathing so all is not lost yet (need a yoga smiley ). so i just had a quick peek at step two, and i see it's about breathing and it's only ten pages long and has got two exercises. so i'm going to try not to procrastinate this one cos what's the big deal, right?
sorry i have beeen so shit in gettin involved in this thank you, so much, for your posts and your perseverance - its all very encouraging , and i know is going to help me to eventually do this stuff xxxxxx good luck with not procrastinating - i'm eagerly looking forward to your next post
happy mindful monday to you (all) xx
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Post by Deleted on Sept 16, 2013 17:51:16 GMT
Can't read or think about anything to do with mindfulness atm....have hit a block...mindfulness is a bad word - have written that word in lots of places to remind me but its just haunting me now.
Just had to post quickly because credit where credits due - haven't read your post Jan but it looks mighty professional - have you been learning how to do that instead of practicing being mindful?
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Post by Deleted on Sept 16, 2013 18:57:02 GMT
Right! Spurred on by Contrarymary's post, am going to stop procrastinating and press on. Have realised the problem is not the mindfulness stuffbut procrastination - what a surprise!
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Post by Deleted on Sept 16, 2013 20:47:35 GMT
Have read through most of second step and am feeling much better about myself These are some of the things I've 'mindfully' noticed: 1. I was doing well with mindfulness and seeing benefits until I got distracted a few days ago. 2. My usual response at this point would be to think 'another thing I've failed at' and to give up, and so another step further into destruction. 3. This time however, I realised going off track was part of the journey and to gently bring myself back whilst noticing mindfully my negative, critical, judgemental thoughts towards myself, watching them brew up, and blow past. Had a 25 minute salt bath to aid this process and slow myself down. 4. Have realised I was doing well because I was being mindful, and in a being mood instead of a doing mood. What happened - where I went wrong - was my successes, albeit little ones, went to my head, and I went into my old doing / striving / perfectionist mindset and without realising have begun to put unrealistic and complex demands back on myself. This always leads me to being very stressed, then exhausted, and then everything falls apart and I give up yet again. 5. My simple goal now is to slow down and make mindfulness practice top priority, rather than trying to achieve what for me are impossible goals. This is new to me, but if I don't change something I'm going to keep getting the same results, I have seen a light and potential in mindfulness that is 100% worth me pursuing.
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Post by contrarymary on Sept 16, 2013 21:21:26 GMT
4. Have realised I was doing well because I was being mindful, and in a being mood instead of a doing mood. What happened - where I went wrong - was my successes, albeit little ones, went to my head, and I went into my old doing / striving / perfectionist mindset and without realising have begun to put unrealistic and complex demands back on myself. This always leads me to being very stressed, then exhausted, and then everything falls apart and I give up yet again. 5. My simple goal now is to slow down and make mindfulness practice top priority, rather than trying to achieve what for me are impossible goals. This is new to me, but if I don't change something I'm going to keep getting the same results, I have seen a light and potential in mindfulness that is 100% worth me pursuing. brilliant. i can identify with all your post but number 4 & 5 particularly helpful. success - perfectionist - demands - stressed - exhausted - chaos - give up - miserable - procrastinate. is a sadly familiar cycle. only i haven't seen it as clearly as you set it out, because all i feel is how i feel Now, and by the next Now don't remember how i felt before. i thought i'd combine reading step two with jan's tip about making the most of daylight, so sat in the sun for half an hour to read through this week's pages and practice the exercises. kept getting distracted by watching a family of grasshoppers, then in the five minute breathing exercise found myself unable to switch off being mindful of senses so distracted by feeling the sun on my face and the sound of trees rustling in the wind instead of just noticing breathing. and then realised that i'd sat on my water bottle and it had leaked and drowned my mobile phone.... on the bright side i was really calm and pragmatic about it, and took it apart quite carefully instead of my usual panic about how i will survive and the numbers i'll lose and breaking the cover in my haste to open it. so, halfway through reading step two ... bit like last week
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Post by Deleted on Sept 17, 2013 0:48:56 GMT
Lol about your phone!! Hope it's recovered! We are all making little steps (overall) forwards though hey?
Regarding deep breathing exercises, have discovered I do it best when inhaling nicotine!
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Post by Deleted on Sept 19, 2013 9:02:53 GMT
Anyone managed to put cd in CD player and press play yet?
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Post by jan on Sept 19, 2013 11:54:09 GMT
no - but if that too much for you just click on link (on here somewhere )
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Post by JJ on Sept 19, 2013 13:44:00 GMT
Regarding deep breathing exercises, have discovered I do it best when inhaling nicotine!
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Post by Deleted on Sept 19, 2013 15:18:45 GMT
no - but if that too much for you just click on link (on here somewhere ) Apparently it is too much trouble for me - just can't bring myself to do it how hard can it be?
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Post by contrarymary on Sept 19, 2013 17:38:39 GMT
no - but if that too much for you just click on link (on here somewhere ) Apparently it is too much trouble for me - just can't bring myself to do it how hard can it be? me too - weird, huh?!
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Post by Deleted on Sept 19, 2013 17:55:10 GMT
Update: have just done track 1 of CD. think I had such a big block partly because have owned a mindfulness book before and only got as far as putting CD in player, despite lots of good intentions to listen and practice.
Anyway, it's just not that hard. The woman's voice is irritating, and I felt really angry and impatient and wanting instant miraculous results throughout it, but I think today's anger and frustration might have lessened a bit. And I do feel a bit refreshed despite having got myself really wound up.
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Post by jan on Sept 19, 2013 18:09:12 GMT
excellent news it was probably the bollocks that did it though - not the cd I still havn't managed it
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Post by Deleted on Sept 19, 2013 19:36:03 GMT
Was calmer. Then, for some inexplicable reason I've recently got into emerdale, only know one story line in it with Cameron in - was watching it with husband who was laughing at it (it was a serious bit - he thought it was overacted) and because of this I've just gone upstairs in a huff. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME???
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Post by jan on Sept 19, 2013 19:53:15 GMT
dis'in emmerdale - that's grounds for divorce that is
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Post by Deleted on Sept 19, 2013 20:01:00 GMT
Thank you. Am having a shit for brains Thursday.
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Post by Lesley on Sept 20, 2013 12:48:51 GMT
Hi all
I'm ashamed to say I ground to a complete halt after my three days of progress at the beginning of last week. Have done nothing since then. Will be busy over the weekend, but hope on Monday to download the CD and start on Step 2 (in spite of having barely scraped the surface of Step 1, but I feel that doing something with the guidance of the CD will probably work better for me).
Though in fact on Monday I'll probably be exhausted after the highs of the weekend (plus I have some Spanish homework to do for Monday evening), so Tuesday is probably more realistic ...
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Post by Deleted on Sept 20, 2013 22:26:53 GMT
Have been reading about benefits of mindfulness in 'You mean I'm not lazy, stupid or crazy'. There are many. In this book, which I like, the authors say learning to meditate one way or another is crucial for adhd minds. Clearly none of us are finding this a walk in the park, but I really think we need to cut ourselves some slack and pat ourselves profusely on the back for the little bits we have managed to do, And NOT give up, but keep trying whilst looking for creative and liberating ways we can practice mindfulness. It is a journey and we need to keep an open and enquiring mind. Even if at the end of this 9 weeks we have just taken on board and learnt to apply a bit we will have made some hard won progress which I believe will help us. I thought I'd gained nothing from my previous attempts at mindfulness but I was wrong - I am finding it that little bit easier to read about and practice this time round. COME ON TEAM TORNADO!!!
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Post by jan on Sept 21, 2013 12:05:23 GMT
just little one to say you all doing so well - keep up the good work girls (and Michael ) and Lesley thank you for your lovely comment on other meditation thread xx - but have to say doing mindfulness in Spanish is just showing off petra I think my tornado hasn't even left the ground when it comes to mindfulness i'm last in this event
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Post by Deleted on Sept 22, 2013 1:01:21 GMT
I want to say something encouraging and motivating - don't want you to feel the 'last in this event'. I've only done the guided meditation on the CD once. It literally takes less than 10 minutes. How about if we all do the first guided meditation today (Sunday) - and spend 5 minutes flicking through the pages of the book up to where we are now. If something grabs your attention (in book!) you are free to read more, but if it doesn't, after 5 mins you can put it down. Then we will all be at about the same point, and make Monday a fresh start for the next step? If we all do this I think we will have done really well. What do you and everybody think? And Jan - you have left the ground - you came up with the idea and put loads of effort in to help everybody else - so you helped lots of people to get started - that is worth a 100 brownie points - cant give you girl guide points for obvious (sort of?) reasons How are you doing Contrarymary? I know Lesley is joining us again in a few days. I am determined we all get to the end of this one way or another...so there is no way out but through!!! Sending lots of positive energy and love to everyone xxxxxxx
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Post by Kathymel on Sept 22, 2013 1:07:59 GMT
What Petra said, jan.
I didn't even have the gumption to start this!
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Post by Deleted on Sept 22, 2013 1:27:38 GMT
I've tried walking up and down the stairs slowly a few times since posting before and it doesn't seem to be working anymore? I think unless I get several A3 signs printed up that say DISENGAGE AUTOPILOT then I am just gonna keep forgetting auto pilot exists.
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Post by jan on Sept 22, 2013 5:19:25 GMT
morn thanks for encouragement think I received the love and positive energy you sent petra as before even came on here this morn I woke up at 10 past 5 and went downstairs to make tea but suddenly decided to do TM meditation and did it for nearly 20 mins hurray first time since may will get on with book and cd when get off here - for def. Michael - I will make you some posters for your stairs - and bring them with me to the conference (may be a4 paper if that's acceptable ) wishing you all a mindful sunday xx (never say never kath )
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Post by Deleted on Sept 22, 2013 14:15:16 GMT
I've tried walking up and down the stairs slowly a few times since posting before and it doesn't seem to be working anymore? I think unless I get several A3 signs printed up that say DISENGAGE AUTOPILOT then I am just gonna keep forgetting auto pilot exists. I don't think it's about doing something slowly necessarily. I think it's about having a focus eg your breathing - inevitably your mind will wonder off - this isn't the goal (to stop your mind from wondering) - it's about being aware that your mind has wondered, being aware of what it's thinking/feeling but not getting caught up and 'feeding' the thinking, but gently, with a gentle and none judgmental attitude towards yourself (this is key) bringing your attention back to your breath. If your mind wonders a 100 times during a 5 minute meditation - then being your attention back gently 100 times. As I see it atm, the power is in retraining your mind to not be harsh on yourself, exercising the attention muscle, giving your mind a break from the continuous chatter and self talk, and increased awareness. If you are doing this meditation, then you will find it spilling out into your real life in sometimes surprising ways. You will notice and become aware of things you do/ think habitually. For example - you might catch yourself in negative self talk - but because you've noticed it you can reject those thoughts and disagree with them. It buys you invaluable time to think and change your responses at key times, which in turn can make huge changes for the better.
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Post by contrarymary on Sept 22, 2013 17:55:05 GMT
I want to say something encouraging and motivating - don't want you to feel the 'last in this event'. I've only done the guided meditation on the CD once. It literally takes less than 10 minutes. How about if we all do the first guided meditation today (Sunday) - and spend 5 minutes flicking through the pages of the book up to where we are now. If something grabs your attention (in book!) you are free to read more, but if it doesn't, after 5 mins you can put it down. Then we will all be at about the same point, and make Monday a fresh start for the next step? If we all do this I think we will have done really well. What do you and everybody think? And Jan - you have left the ground - you came up with the idea and put loads of effort in to help everybody else - so you helped lots of people to get started - that is worth a 100 brownie points - cant give you girl guide points for obvious (sort of?) reasons How are you doing Contrarymary? I know Lesley is joining us again in a few days. I am determined we all get to the end of this one way or another...so there is no way out but through!!! Sending lots of positive energy and love to everyone xxxxxxx thank you petra for the encouragement - much appreciated. i listened to the bloody track. i don't know why i didn't want to, cos i had the reading done by tuesday this week. bloodymindedness? procrastination? strange how one thing (this book/course/mindfulness & adhd) can engender so very many feelings and emotions, even in the course of a few days - i've gone through a whole gamut of loving it, hating it, (im)patience, fascination, boredom, being amazed at how it puts me in touch with my body/being pissed off at beginning to know how my body feels and not liking it... and so on, for nearly a whole bloody week. i am more than ready for the next chapter (or to throw the book in the recycling). i'm not sure how much is the mindfulness thing itself, and how much is the fact that i'm really new here, and alongside mindfulness i'm learning about adhd and how it affects me - that is, i think it's adhd, and everything i read and realise seems to fit so far, bearing in mind i've only known about it for a few months and i haven't even begun to prep for talking to gp yet, except in the way that i always do by trying to process everyting before i start writing it down................... .....i have so many questions just now and not quite sure how to go about asking them, which somehow leaves me frustrated and furious (at myself, i think, and at the whole sense of a wasted life and looking at the whole difficult thing of the journey ahead). all of which probably has nothing to do with mindfulness.... anyway, i came home this afternoon feeling really exhausted and down (long day, not much sleep, loads of crap stuff through the post yesterday, picked up on all the negative vibes in the air from friends while i was out, one friend who i really thought understood me had a massive go at me for poor communication, begin to wonder if i am just crap and that's why i have so few friends etc etc). eventually put the cd in the laptop and listened and breathed and focused meant to do the six minutes, got a bit carried away and did almost half an hour. am now a lot more centred and chilled, got a bit of perspective on the day and beginning to see it as just a bit of a day with a few difficult things. a bit distanced from the feelings, i guess - as tho i've had a couple of drinks or taken a chill pill, but all i did was breathe.. still a bit sad about today's friend, and friends in general now that i've thought about it a bit, but definitely feel different - like, thinking about going to make some food and maybe load up the washing machine, whereas an hour ago i couldn't imagine getting off my bed even if the house was on fire cos i'm just so tired.... now i'm thinking eat, maybe shower, get some good sleep (or watch downton if i can stay awake)... ok that's me done. (may not even bother to edit this one!)
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Post by Deleted on Sept 22, 2013 22:52:11 GMT
I can so relate and empathise!! And I don't know why I felt such resistance to the track - and more than ready to do next chapter and start fresh. Like you I read last chapter early on - well because you said you had and that it was only 10 pages! Flipping track was hanging heavily over me all week! It's brilliant and really encouraging you got such good results with it today. Here's to an easier week this week!!
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Post by Deleted on Sept 23, 2013 12:05:14 GMT
Haven't read it yet, but just to let you all know - there are only 9 pages in next chapter! We can do this!!
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