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Post by petra on Sept 17, 2014 21:57:29 GMT
That's exactly it - the space and clarity to respond and not react. I had no idea how much I reacted to things and opened the door to all kinds of unnecessary problems. Especially atm I'm realising how many times I say I'll do something for someone because it's what I think they want to hear and what I should do. This then sets me up to have expectation placed on me - which I don't fare well under - and the usual subsequent guilt of not doing what I said I'd do and having to get out of it...which then makes me feel like rubbish, a failure and a let down. And ALL this can be stopped if I have more awareness, THINK before I speak and handle the conversation differently!!
As to why we build things up to be so complex I have no idea at the moment. It's not like I'm crash hot with the simple stuff! But I know I've always thought like this from as far back as my earliest memories. Maybe because you're born with adhd you don't have good filters from the off, so you grow up feeling totally overwhelmed by everything, and so it's 'in' you to see things that way - you're wired like that? And then, because thinking like that is so self defeating, this increases your sense of failure and overwhelm which further confirms to your sub-conscious just how complex and impossible everything is? I seem to have superb skill at over complicating even the most inane task which only serves to make me switch off mentally and think "I'm not doing it."!! I'm really hoping mindfulness can help me with this.
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Post by contrarymary on Sept 18, 2014 7:25:20 GMT
well said petra and greyblanket - that is it indeed i am finding that meditation is the beginning... and then comes some space and a little self-awareness, and a new understanding of how we feel - body and mind - and with it the desire to go more gently... so a slightly more helpful bedtime, lighter load, a tiny bit of pacing... and because these things Feel Better, there is a desire to keep them, so when we slip - and hidden somewhere beyond all the "i have failed and i am a disaster and i never get anything right and it's all ruined now" - there is a desire to return to this more comfortable way of being, which snuck in almost unnoticed, but brought that new sense of feeling ... well, simply feeling well. there is always a taking it for granted and slipping back (later bedtimes, heavier workloads, longer breaks, unhealthy food - sugar!, more internet time...) that it is quite easy to knock the wheels off, and i So miss it when i have whacked myself out of balance again - not that i have found a fulcrum, but i'm beginning to feel - and be - gently different, to feel that it's not all always so hard... i am becoming quite expert in getting it wrong, but (uncharacteristically) also in knowing what i need and in finding a tiny bit of discipline to pull myself back... these things are slips, not disasters (however much they feel like armageddon!) and now i must meditate xx
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Post by petra on Oct 9, 2014 10:02:22 GMT
I'm finding if I do some stretches and stick to a routine before I go to bed, take melatonin and then listen to a guided mindfulness practice, that it really helps get me to sleep.
I'm also noticing the effect of mindfulness is growing in my daily activities. It is becoming part of my life in a very natural way.
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