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Post by computermandan on Mar 20, 2014 14:26:44 GMT
wow this is a good one lol
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Post by computermandan on Feb 24, 2014 15:39:08 GMT
ok so another psych appointment done... talked a bit more about things (briefly) came up short of inisisting on a referral however pysch said that we should tackle the anxiety and then look at the long term issues and perhaps do some psychometric tests not sure exactly what that meant or what for exactly but he said to look at he impulsivity & procrastination... (i took that as positive??) he said it's odd because the way I describe it, it's like I know I should be doing something else at the time but I actively choose not to do it and am aware of it the whole time. in the mean time I am up to 30mg of Citalopram from 20mg and I can feel the difference after a week I think (placebo?). seem to have gone back to my laid back self, same issues just not stressing about the pile of things growing outside my headspace right now.
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Post by computermandan on Feb 24, 2014 13:03:22 GMT
after having a go at my entire family for moving the blackcurrant squash bottle when I was using it and not putting it back in the cupboard... only to find it in the back of the fridge this morning! oops
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Post by computermandan on Feb 12, 2014 9:27:45 GMT
haha lol I think it's easier to change it every time than try to remember it lol. Took me another hour to leave last night. determined to have a "better" day today.
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Post by computermandan on Feb 11, 2014 17:59:38 GMT
when you know you should have left the office 30 minutes agao but you're still here messign around looking at forums and facebook for no real reason. you still have to go shopping so you can eat this evening, and get dog food so the dog doesn't have to have weetabix again. poor dog. i think I better go...
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Post by computermandan on Feb 11, 2014 14:26:24 GMT
I know the depression gets overwhelming too but try to stay angry rather than hopeless if you can? The additude magazine has some pretty good suggestions for helping with procrastination although I've found that the psych's / counsellors and GP's I've spoken to have no idea just how painful it is. They seem to think that we're sitting there going "Lalala, I don't care that I'm not doing this thing" and one of my daughter's psych's was a bit surprised when I told her that the mental self-flagellation that you put yourself through in order to force yourself to achieve the tiniest thing is infinitely tougher than just doing the thing itself - but it's still not enough to get your head round doing it! This is so true! And so funny what you said about "moaning at the council" furiousfrog , may I ask how you plan to move forwards now you've had your IFR refused? Are you thinking of appealing the decision, or seeking an out of area referral? And, how long did it take for them to answer you re IFR? Driving myself insane with this right now arrggghhh... why can't i just do it?
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Post by computermandan on Feb 7, 2014 15:13:17 GMT
Well... thankfully I still exist - I think??? dreaming my way through my days at the moment and not sure what I'm saying or agreeing to most of the time. weather doing no favours and I think I missed my next psych appt. oops. just remembered to call them "err hello I think I had an appt in feb but I dont know when and I lost my letter"... thankfully unlike my GP's surgery I didn't get Grandma know-it-all telling me about the three strikes system setup to banish the helpless to eternal doom... My boss has pointed out that I keep talking about quite random things out loud - slightly odd inappropriate things at the best of times. in summary stumbling a little - the meds stopped about a week ago - am I supposed to seek a repeat prescription in between psych visits or just finish then head back to review the latest medicine with the psych - at no point has anyone told me. if I still have an appointment to go to I will push for a 'proper' assessment as I'm fed up with yoyo effect as meds arent making a difference to the problems - they mask the symptoms created by the problems a little but thats all. my worry is i get fobbed off again and wander aimlessly for another couple of months. doing little work, getting deeper into debt. it's not even January any more I've got no excuse for miserableness...
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Post by computermandan on Feb 7, 2014 14:34:52 GMT
I wrote something... then I deleted it... "I feel for you and keep going" is all I can type that seems normal at the minute! Chin up
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Post by computermandan on Feb 3, 2014 17:47:24 GMT
I'm an "IT support consultant" who pretty does anything with anything like change light bulbs, move furniture etc etc - partly because I never seem to say no and partly because half the workforce are nearly retired ladies who don't fancy a trip up a ladder.
It's a small firm with a large global client base... the 2 man IT team gets stretched far.
I don't mind the project work - targets and something to show for your work etc etc But the support (aka bread and butter) that shows up when it feels like (or when people don't link power cuts with computer shutdown) I get lost in the land of the daydream and the WWW without the general presence of some kind of authority to hunt me down when customers are getting frustrated with lack of response...
all in all the flexibility here is both good for me (I get away with a lot), but also bad for me (think - enough rope to hang yourself).
I need somewhere with more structure to succeed I think otherwise I don't manage myself.
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Post by computermandan on Feb 3, 2014 13:11:15 GMT
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Post by computermandan on Jan 29, 2014 15:21:29 GMT
Well I'll be damned if i do or if i don't or something like that.... I dont want to fill out my timesheet as its a pointless excercise with nothing to be gained from it it's ridiculous! I dont want to give a new starter a pointless induction just to give the right impression of the department its stupid "internal marketing" everyone knows in good time they dont get anything unless theyre on good terms with the IT dept FFS... I ordered the mobile phone with unlimited texts because YOU TOLD ME TO! I know we can't afford it But I did what you wanted. I didnt nag them about a deal because they didnt want to know. And I will get home when I've finished at work plus travel time.. not the make believe time that you would prefer me to be home. All of the above are due to me being to busy to breathe so PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEASE stop hassling me about things that have no importance in my head now. GRRRRRrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. .....and REEEEELAXXXXX.
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Post by computermandan on Jan 24, 2014 12:03:53 GMT
"If a phone call or a request from your spouse distracts you from a task you’re working on, hold on to a physical artifact to remind you what you were doing, An unopened envelope, for instance, will remind you that you were opening mail before the interruption, and will focus your attention more quickly". This made me chuckle. I do this involuntarily, and often find myself roaming the house with random artifacts/food/bewildered cats clenched in my hands. It is only when I realise that I can no longer pick further items up or operate door handles that I realise what I'm doing and retrace my steps. It is something I do find quite entertaining (if I'm not on a deadline). +1 for body doubles too. Not sure how it works, but having someone there really does help with forms etc. Or if somebody does start my task, the control freak takes over and I have to take over task in case it is done wrong (go figure). I do this too... It's when you're questioned by the washing machine police as to why you have random things in random pockets - that you knew you hung on to for something... somewhere...
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Post by computermandan on Jan 21, 2014 12:24:50 GMT
lol we're doomed... this is all a little new to me.
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Post by computermandan on Jan 21, 2014 12:09:01 GMT
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/OrganophosphateI randomly ended up looking on the WHO site this morning after a friend posted an interesting perspective on depression made by them onto Facebook. Anyway I searched for ADHD on their site and found some mega complicated whitepaper on research into "Endocrine Disrupting Chemicals". I can't claim to understand much of it but the general bits I can seem to err on the side of stating that "organophosphates" (pesticides i think?) can cause issues with development of unborn babies somehow. Development issues such as ADHD being a named example. the wikipedia article also mentions the ADHD link. I am a little shocked as this is new to me. I always rubbished the organic produce supporters as being scaremongers but I feel a bit silly now and will look to push on with my veggie garden asap, too late or not I feel I want to teach my kids to look after themselves and their future offspring somehow. was anyone else aware of these subtle links and the mention that even low levels of the chemicals can have such an effect? or am I just glamourizing (spelling sorry?) an otherwise speculative article? here's the link to the initial search for ADHD on the W.H.O website... search.who.int/search?q=Adult+ADHD&ie=utf8&site=who&client=_en_r&proxystylesheet=_en_r&output=xml_no_dtd&oe=utf8&getfields=doctype
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Post by computermandan on Jan 20, 2014 10:56:16 GMT
I have to say though - the wing nuts are really adding credibility all round - I heard another of their people babbling on about cold weather being to do with homosexual marriage the other day... WTF ? ? ? lol
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Post by computermandan on Jan 17, 2014 14:31:27 GMT
having only wandered into the awareness of ADHD in the last 12 months I have to admit I used to think it was "something american kids on TV had".
Perhaps kids should start learning a little more about mental health in biology lessons - even if it's only the basics. I've learned so much about so many different disabilities, disorders etc since stumbling on this site that it's literally been eye opening.
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Post by computermandan on Jan 10, 2014 17:00:27 GMT
by the way... the baby is 3 weeks old and didnt (for obvious reasons) attempt to run off with the wife 6 months ago. LOL (it was brother-in-law and not so much running off than "falling for each other" and 1800 txts a month because he "listened" )
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Post by computermandan on Jan 10, 2014 16:59:26 GMT
thankfully - bridges are intact. I can't pinpoint anything except frustration at endless (seemingly growing) list of silly little things that i don't seem to be getting quite right all of the time still. well that coupled with my sister having a baby with her hubby (who tried to run off with the wife), having to pretend I've forgiven and forgotten for the sake of "everyone" - now they're moving back from up north to stay with my folks whilst scrimping for a deposit and mortgage for their own place Also whilst trying (and doing fairly well) to rebuild my own relationship. and in the process discovering the potential ADHD issues/traits may have been what led to Wife's unhappiness at situation to begin with. Think we're past the worst (honestly my life didnt read like a soap opera 14months ago!) Forward Ho!
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Post by computermandan on Jan 10, 2014 14:48:14 GMT
headphones on, off we go
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Post by computermandan on Jan 10, 2014 13:45:06 GMT
oh dear... having an odd day... flew off the handle at my boss after he was picking about a silly little thing where I didn't respond to a client about something that they have since emailed about and said they'd sorted it themselves. I don't do that very often - I've never done that at work. I was physically angry - stormed off banging and crashing and went and "chilled" in a toilet cubicle upstairs outside some other firms offices.... Grrrrrr. I don't really know what hit me or why i was cross. usually there's something but all I can think of is frustration at trying so hard to get all the little things right and then being picked at for some little thing that I didn't even know I wasn't doing and being told that I'd chosen not to do it... then the whole "whats up how can we sort this for you" conversation ensued when I got back. I feel a little silly as I'm sure colleagues will ask him - what was up with Dan? and he'll prob just say "I dunno he just lost it". hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
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Post by computermandan on Jan 7, 2014 13:29:31 GMT
I'm so off topic today I've just setup a facebook account for my dog! and sent messages to all my "friends" saying WOOFWOOF.
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Post by computermandan on Jan 7, 2014 10:54:28 GMT
Sorry if you know this... If you go into Windows Explorer (assuming you are using Windows - press the Windows key and E), and change the setting to view picture instead of view file details, it'll be much faster to move the files into folders. Also pressing F2 on a file allows you to rename it quickly. I did know but no need to be sorry Fortunately according to some I'm good with this kind of thing, but its accessing and relocating files on a slow disk using a slow pc thats the most painful part It's a bit like a plumber with the never quite finished bathroom
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Post by computermandan on Jan 7, 2014 0:35:53 GMT
about 5 years ago we thought we'd lost 7 years worth of ALL our digital photos after a failed USB disk incident. yes i'd never got round to backing it up. Well I managed to recover the files (all 7000 of them) with a recovery tool. only thing is they're now named file0001, file0002, file0003 etc etc for 5 years I've intended to sort them out somehow as it would make my wife majorly happy and allow us to see the kids pics properly from time to time. I never get round to it as it seems such a big job - and the kids all look the same as babies so I struggle anyway That the paperwork (shredding!), every cupboard in the house, clothes, diy, money are all VIP todo items too.. i don't think I'll ever get there
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Post by computermandan on Jan 6, 2014 23:19:22 GMT
Lazy? I don't think so! just think about the amount of effort it requires to procrastinate!? That's an impressive perspective... I love it!
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Post by computermandan on Jan 6, 2014 15:10:01 GMT
OH MY GOSH.... this is the EXACT thing that defines my current mental struggle.. am I lazy or is it really ADHD !?!?!?!
Always looking for the easy option or a way out of doing things - love playing football, miss playing football, the half hour drive to play every week with my old schoolmates is "too far" "too much hassle" "too much petrol" "its raining" "its cold" "next week!"... they've given up texting me now!
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Post by computermandan on Jan 6, 2014 10:41:35 GMT
Love the Pacman analogy. It could be as easily applied to practical things as well as emotional. Like getting stuck on the laptop for hours, unable to move, until something puts a bomb under your arse and suddenly your off and running. I also get stuck in practical things Pac-man mode- indeed almost anything where there is a need to problem-solve or decide or take any sort of action, and it stretches beyond the simple task-switching to just about everything. i think something where Pac-man meets maze would sum up most of my life issues. where i have tried something and it hasn't worked it feels like a dead end. thus there is nowhere to go and i spent all my energy getting there because i had to hyperfocus on the one thing in order to make myself make any progress. thus everything is terrible and i cannot imagine it being any different. until i happen to switch to focus on something else, or have a chance to say how terrible something feels, when it immediately becomes bearable or unimportant. or until someone else suggests a different way forward. and as a result of any of those i will be quite happily off again. All these things ring SO true... Weekends and their lack of HAVING to do something generally ends up meaning nothing gets done. I can work quite happily on the laptop getting things done - and we're talking into the next day territory, unless something gets in the way. If that something is a distraction I'll happily wander off down that route for a bit too.. But if that 'block' is a problem I can't solve - I get agitated and slightly aggressive to anyone seeking my attention or anything like that, which in an IT support role can be quite challenging to contain. Sometimes it doesn't get contained at all and my boss has the whole close the door and step back "well that's a bit out of character, what's up?" reaction - which is good. unfortunately quite often he's the source of much frustration too but that's life I guess. It literally feels as you guys have described - overwhelming, head popping, bang head, pull hair out (if I had any!) kind of moment. I've found at home usually ends up in a random domestic row of some kind where I can't see that I've done anything wrong and stomp off like a teenager and either go out or go to bed for half an hour and I can come back happy as larry - down and up so quickly. Comment from my wife about such incidents is like "you always act as if nothings happened and everything is alright again" - I guess that's because thats how I feel in my head - quick cuppa to make up for it and lets start again...
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Post by computermandan on Jan 5, 2014 22:00:52 GMT
Well... I accidentally stumbled on my school reports this evening.... dossier building time!
I don't think they go far back enough (age16) but they're consistent???
"Demonstrates ability, lacks effort and consistency"
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Post by computermandan on Jan 3, 2014 16:59:16 GMT
I also become calmer the more adrenaline pumps round my body. supine - this is me at high speed in anything that goes fast. matrix style moments! total focus when got going playing football too - not that I have played for years really. used to be every free minute until I left for uni (late, with no where to live!). lol
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Post by computermandan on Jan 2, 2014 23:54:52 GMT
Michael - it may have been presumptive lol... but somewhat mega correct also! I want to know if you have me bugged or something... yes I have STFU about ADHD recently for that exact reason. Seems apparently I haven't always been like this? I think she knows I have really... Oddly enough reading the recent links about RSD struck a mega chord with how I tick at home. she pushes the buttons, I overreact. Now my eldest (all 10 years of her) seems to have learned this too! arrrrggggghhhhh! then I remember flipping out at school on occasion - rare but when I blew I really blew for seemingly little. I realise the depression/anxiety comes from me not being able to do anything about the uselessness I feel when I cant get out of the numerous holes I have got good at digging. All the usual additional stresses seem to just tip the "coping" balance that I usually hide very well. Anhedonia is my new interest - psych keeps writing it down. Must be something to do with non-understanding of how people get emotional about all sorts - the part where I never got the "most amazing feeling in the world" when my kids were born made me think I wasn't right in the head to be honest. The meds have chilled me out somewhat, haven't "fixed" anything as such but I'm more aware of my shortcomings. Side tracked eternally. Finally kicked into action after a lecture from the chair of the board on the importance of timesheets and timekeeping - I'm only 3 weeks behind now. moaned at for lateness all of 3 days after being told timekeeping was getting better. I know I'm not lazy JJ - I do think you're right - the psych has at the very least led me to consider alternatives - mostly is this a "NOW" thing or has it always been there - I think the current meds aren't doing much but I do currently feel less agitated about it all so maybe they're allowing me to put all the facts together to come back again. The Barkley lectures really caught me and I recall snippets that I really identified with, but I never get through them properly and end up repeating over and over as I miss things and so never have time for any of it I'll get there - I guess I'm still coming to terms with it all in my head when I remember to, and am not pre-occupied with the million other things I "should" be doing. I really appreciate all the input - it helps to explore other options with peoples thoughts rather than my own ramblings up against my local friends who try to be supportive yet somehow irritatingly dismissive at the same time. Maybe talking to long term friends who I rarely see these days will reveal more ? ? ? ? anyway onwards and upwards - back to the work I should have got done already
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Post by computermandan on Dec 31, 2013 12:45:35 GMT
oddly enough - I've just read the link and it's led me to the Melancholic Depression description. which actually does sound a lot like me over the atypical variant? maybe this is where the psych is headed with his thinking.
I've read on from there though and ended up reading about schizophrenia, blunted affect, social anhedonia (comes up a lot in psych's mini reports) and an array of other stuff too. (i should be filling out my 5week late timesheet!!)
I don't know what I "am" anymore but continually reconfirm I'm somewhere outside of typical. ADHD still rings true with lots of my behaviours with the flat/anhedonia a possible comorbid symptom of some kind but I'm starting to think I'm not "negatively" impulsive enough to ever get near a diagnosis.
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