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Post by computermandan on Nov 12, 2013 11:21:39 GMT
Excuse the OT tangent... lol yes... subjected myself to the movember thing I look a bit odd right now haha not quite like the avatar would suggest though!
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Post by computermandan on Nov 11, 2013 13:49:24 GMT
I have another appointment on the 28th but looks like I need to rearrange it because I can't get out of work. I even remembered to call the clinic to change it but was told they would call back to sort it out... (yup still waiting).
I used to love Christmas... when everyone else did all the sorting out.
and is it just me or do Christmas cards serve no real purpose whatsoever? I hate card shopping so much I pick the first one that's got the right relative name (i.e mum & dad) and isn't too expensive then I'm off.
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Post by computermandan on Nov 8, 2013 11:40:03 GMT
I guess from my perspective its "concentrating" uncontrollably in terms of the "when" and "how long for" side of thing?
kind of concentrating when you're aware you shouldn't be, or for periods of time that are detrimental (Dan on YouTube at 4am when has to leave for work at 7am for example lol)
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Post by computermandan on Nov 8, 2013 11:39:25 GMT
You know that's a funny thing - I haven't had a watch that I wear regularly for years. I do still have one - I wear it if we're going to someone's wedding or something smart like that - it doesn't work though, needed the battery changing 5 or 6 years ago and I never tell the time with it so I've never bothered!
most amusing it's not just me.
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Post by computermandan on Nov 8, 2013 11:07:19 GMT
In between re-reading the report, noticing I have another appointment and forgetting to take medicine and then feeling better NOT taking it so giving up anyway...
I am up and down and all over the place all over again...
Not been looking on here much recently due to work pressure and OH seemingly having some kind of breakdown herself so lots to deal with and try to keep the titanic afloat a bit longer. Have decided to keep mouth shut at home about ADHD as it's not helping at the moment.
So I've gone from discussing the whole thing with anybody who will listen to not saying a word.
Finding it hard day to day at the minute but determined not to fall into depressive state... too deep at least. to be honest I might be there already.
so yeah stopped the meds because
a. I forgot to take them and b. they made me feel disconnected like I was awake but my head wasn't.
and here comes Christmas... the time I run out of cash and get nagged for not helping choose presents and not talking about them and general forgetfulness all round. I must try to keep on top of things.....
please excuse mumbling. perhaps this should've gone in the vent section lol
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Post by computermandan on Oct 24, 2013 10:46:51 GMT
Well... got home to a written report from psychiatrist to GP - made interesting reading.
Think the psychiatrist has memory trouble too because he thinks I've been married 12 years not 10. in any case reading back what he "thought" was interesting - very much pushing me down the STRESS / ANXIETY route by the looks of things.
and either I didn't remember or i wasn't told that I'm going back in 6 weeks. (but med precription finishes in 4?)
the NHS is great.
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Post by computermandan on Oct 23, 2013 9:20:39 GMT
hmmm... I think the intentions are good - not sure my immediate boss gets the idea of support and managing workload... I can understand why, but seems I'm just getting more grief now for silly things... I will have to document my entire working existence in order to show I'm doing what I say I'm doing, not what words get put in my mouth to suit the other persons need to have a go.
Yes I told you this... No you didn't... yes i did I 100% know I told you and I can't normally say that.... Well I didn't know so you didn't tell me. Ok whatever!
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Post by computermandan on Oct 21, 2013 13:00:03 GMT
Jan your responses amuse me muchly sometimes... I go through that sentence so many times in a day Michael... keys= yes alarm= yes (but I kept forgetting the code so they got me a proxy fob thing) server room access = yes domain admin privelege = yes I could understand any concerns to be fair. In any case my boss arrived and we discussed it - he assured me enough that it wasn't for negative reasons and I requested a chat with the chairman(woman?) about it and having just come out of that it was a positive one! We spoke about the background to the problems and into why i was seeing the psych - I trust her not to misuse the info. she went on to basically say that if anything happened to me at work it might be important. I semi-agreed. But she went further to say if there's anything she can do personally to help or if managing workload for me could be of assistance and so on they will do what they can. I'm actually impressed to be honest... (hopes hasnt sold himself up the river!) So I sent the info just now. She has said thankyou and re-iterated her offer of support. onwards we go
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Post by computermandan on Oct 21, 2013 8:55:09 GMT
Ok so some people will know my background...
but in a nutshell - not DX as yet, but general psychiatrist has put me on anti-dep/sleeping meds to rule out sleep issues as a cause of my symptoms.
Work have become aware I am on medication, the basics of what and why without specifics and then this morning I opened my email to this...
"Hi Dan, Had a thought over the weekend. The company will need to know what the doctors have prescribed and for what reason.
Your job entails various important responsibilities and if what you have been prescribed is likely to effect your abilities to perform those tasks the company need to be aware.
Please therefore reply to this email advising what (names please) you have been prescribed. Please also give any further information as to what condition or why the doctor have prescribed these?"
I am not sure I want to divulge the name of the medication and all the reasons for prescription etc.
Do I have to disclose this information? Is there any real reason to at this stage?
am a bit confused about the whole thing.
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Post by computermandan on Oct 18, 2013 13:43:09 GMT
Feeling good today too - getting lots done... this is the me I'm used to though - not the tired stressed out one of the last year or so... still scatty and all over the shop, but get more things finished in a haphazard kind of way. @ Petra re: looking back over the year... I don't have time to look anywhere most times. up, to work, back, kids bedtimes, eat/chillout, sleep... when I do I can't decide what then end up doing more "nothing". will look up that clock thingy sounds cool. thanks
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Post by computermandan on Oct 17, 2013 14:41:48 GMT
Well - today has been good so far... felt much better. I did take the meds last night but either I had something else going on or I've got used to them... stopping my massive office coffee intake probably didn't help.
Doc called today Jan - at lunchtime in the end - but because I feel better I've held off cancelling it all to give it a bit longer. To be honest it will keep my OH on side as I think I've come across as someone on a mission to prove doctors wrong lately. He said try taking earlier but I'd already been doing that.
Had a look at the article Mary - I think I might invest in a white noise machine for bed and setup a full on routine. I may go back into taking lunch to see the sun once in a while and get better at walking the dog first thing in the morning.. (hang on I've been here before! lol)
I always read things like this then think yay great ideas to get ontrack... then I look back a year later and wonder why I didn't do it lol.
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Post by computermandan on Oct 16, 2013 15:25:18 GMT
Thanks Mary just read your last post. I'm smiling now if that answers those questions that weren't looking for an answer. thanks again
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Post by computermandan on Oct 16, 2013 15:23:52 GMT
ok so from last post went on to read Mary's link from earlier about asperger's - as i didnt read it properly before... I DO now think and see where the Doc was getting Aspergers links/symptoms from the DX list in the link but nothing that's impaired me as such. embarassed slightly but not impaired. (mostly social, conversation impulsiveness, emotional expressiveness or lack of etc) The ADHD symptoms are clearer and there are more of them and they have always been there and they are causing work and home issues. I really need to list it all out properly. thanks for listening to my nonsense.
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Post by computermandan on Oct 16, 2013 15:00:19 GMT
Thanks Mary and Jan... making a list now... good at lists. just talked it through with a colleague and he's of the same thinking. if you're not benefiting and there's that many downsides right now and you still think it won't help anyway... stop now rather than wait and have to spend some time coming off the meds. It's only been 5 days so hopefully can just stop. its a low dosage so I'm hoping. I've been reading the good and bad stories on it too - seems a real mixed bag but I know I am not depressed. I have been previously - if anything the meds are bringing those feelings on. I am frustrated at not succeeding, and at forgetting, and at not being able to beat the things i know and have identified as my stumbling blocks. to me that's not really depression or stress... maybe it brings a little anxiety and stress but as a bi-product. I can see the way out of money and life issues - I can see that light if you like, but not getting any of the million milestones done because you put them off because you forget they exist as you flit from uneventful task to another is the issue. The other symptoms were always there (distracted when talking and listening to people for example) but I always thought they were just silly old me. sorry rant-y sidetrack. I'm going to TELL the doc. (if he calls ?) and I'm going to say theyre making me feel worse. and I would like to discuss things again as I don't feel I have said any of the above because I thought i'd remember things but I didnt and I always do that. hopefully I get another appt in the not too distant future and I WILL prepare - i didnt partly last time because i feel slightly embarrased by myself and this is partly due to family opinion that I'm trying too hard to be DX when maybe ADHD isn't the problem and oh dear tears better stop looks silly in the office.
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Post by computermandan on Oct 16, 2013 14:17:20 GMT
Waiting on a call back from Dr Gopi now... eventually got through to the place I had appointment. couldn't remember doctors name almost dozed off on hold. I've already been picked up on today at work for muttering nonsense to myself about what I'm thinking. Feel a bit day-dreamy now. I hope he calls back soon. have decided I want to stop this as it's making me feel worse with no gain at all. If I have to rule out sleep pattern as a cause I will force myself in and out of bed if i have to be dragged so be it. stopped drinking coffee at work and home (granted replaced by good old tea - but it's not as bad is it??). So I'm sure I can do something. Saying that - cant' remember who, but someone mentioned if I didn't sleep as a child then what good will it do? TO be honest I'm tired because I stay up at night because that's when I get clarity and I can do paperwork or fix that backup problem that's hassled me all day and made no progress with. That's why I'm tired. Late evening it's QUIET because there's no interruptions and things in the way. it's if I gotobed EARLY that I lay staring at ceiling thinking gazillions of thoughts. because if I'm in bed EVERYONE else is too and it's quiet still. then I can't getup because it's late. i think im muttering again.. boss in meeting so quiet here... anyway do i TELL the doc I'm stopping or ask what he thinks about it? don't like decisions, getting grrr about it inside again now
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Post by computermandan on Oct 16, 2013 9:54:56 GMT
Mogli... that's very strange... I'd not made the link between the topic and what you said about living in caves... I've always said that we'd be better off living in caves without these massive wars and people talking nonsense and keeping secrets that I can't remember... office politics type stuff. whenever I've mentioned it people just laugh at me and say "errr yeah whatever dan!" maybe that's why i like fishing lol - out on my own chasing invisible beasts with no noisy interruptions
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Post by computermandan on Oct 16, 2013 9:46:43 GMT
yup sorry i didnt repeat that it is the mirtazapiine but a low 15mg dose. I do feel like whats the point.
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Post by computermandan on Oct 16, 2013 9:45:19 GMT
I've got 28 days (23 left) on these for an attempt to iron out the sleep pattern issues. just a little concerned about getting to work. I'm barely awake when I walk out the door... I'm moody as hell and it's not helping at home. I want to give them a chance to work but I don't want to carry on with an acid test to treat sleep deprivation when I'm not sure sleep is the problem??? am i wrong for thinking of it that way round? feel like I just want to close my eyes and shut off from everything until it goes away and it's quiet again.
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Post by computermandan on Oct 16, 2013 8:18:57 GMT
ok I think I've had enough of this already sluggish simply isn't the word! took medicine as early as 7:45pm last night and I'm now practically asleep still. I came across a little dozy beforehand I must look and sound Zombie-like now! I can't function, don't think driving to work has been a good idea. at work I'm more distracted than I was before and I feel almost drunk all day. think a call to the doc's is in order this can't be right.
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Post by computermandan on Oct 15, 2013 22:52:15 GMT
Tall and not-so-slim-anymore
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Post by computermandan on Oct 14, 2013 10:43:27 GMT
Well 4 days in - I forgot to take the medicine on Friday night. Saturday morning was the only morning I haven't caused upset by actually waking up?? Feels like the meds are making me MORE sluggish, not less Certainly my early morning moods have been rubbish to say the least! Will see how it goes for 14 days before calling anyone. Then if still bad will ask for repeat visit/consult if that's how it works. Thanks for the advice everyone... trying to take it in and work out what to do.
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Post by computermandan on Oct 10, 2013 16:44:54 GMT
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Post by computermandan on Oct 10, 2013 16:43:31 GMT
digging around the autism/aspergers info (i literally know nothing about) I stumbled on a little bit on ADHD diagnosis... DSM-IV stipulates that a diagnosis of ADHD can only be made if the child has shown signs of the condition before the age of seven... We've read that bit a million times here, but it then goes on to say this... ...The condition cannot be diagnosed if it occurs solely within the context of a pervasive developmental disorder such as autism.Does this mean they have to rule out autism first in diagnosis now? more followed... That is not to say that a child cannot have both conditions. For the reasons mentioned above it is possible that the child with autism will display signs of ADHD but that this should not be considered as an additional diagnosis until their needs relating to their autism are addressed first.This struck me as the route the chap this morning was following... my social ineptitude was of great concern to him... especially wanted to know about my facebook oddness that often upsets my wife (I can be very odd!) and not keeping in touch with friends and impulsively blurting out comments or inappropriate jokes at silly points. I'm not particularly bad - I know plenty of folk who are particularly good at lowering the tone of a conversation, that I am not. But wrong comment, wrong time when everyone looks at you and you can see the "WTF???" expression on their faces... I get the body language, it's the timing that's wrong... oooh I must remember this comment for next time!
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Post by computermandan on Oct 10, 2013 13:50:36 GMT
Totally agree with Michael. the bit after "I guess" not the bit about Dan lol hang on why didnt I just use quote. oh Im here now. just. this topic has made me smile this afternoon. Here's another one... when you've missed a turn driving... making the decision on where is best to turn around whilst driving past lots of suitable turning spots. or IS that just me lol
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Post by computermandan on Oct 10, 2013 13:42:38 GMT
oh one more thing... I mentioned it to my dad (straight away before I forgot), he caught onto the Aspergers/Autistic part and proceeded to tell me that when he was younger the Doctors tried to "label" him as autistic but it didn't quite fit (this would have been early 1960's definition) found this interesting today.
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Post by computermandan on Oct 10, 2013 13:35:52 GMT
thanks guys and gals feedback more than welcome. helps me clear up things and "lay them out" a little. having had time to clear my thoughts (somewhat brisk drive to work) I think he was really focused on the sleep side of things. I don't think that he's sure what is going on in my head. He wasn't a specialist for sure - and having mentioned apsergers etc he talked about speaking with GP for referral to specialist so I think that double proves this as a stepping stone/interim spot. I've read 3 books about me... sorry about Adult ADHD-PI now (ok some were really short) I haven't been able to read books since before the kids arrived - it's just got my attention at the moment. (back when it was silent) The marriage one was scary - even my wife admitted it was. I really think it's too close to be something else other than ADHD. I will tow the company line and rule out sleep and diet for now... goodbye coffee for now. 28 days is not forever. If he proves me wrong fair play to him and the profession. If we're still in the same boat forgetting to keep hold of the oars I will go armed with lists and something about ADHD PI I think he would be reasonable enough to take the NICE guidelines into account without getting upset about it too. He's asked me to look things up after all. Thanks again peoples
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Post by computermandan on Oct 10, 2013 11:34:17 GMT
I think I thought I could almost talk him round. In fairness to him when discussing the medicine he kind of said lets work out what this is 100% before we go down a specific route. He did throw me a little with the - lookup aspergers and we can discuss next time side of things - even mentioned referring me for that if I identify with it. I know what I'm going to be distracted with now then! I thought I had it sussed.. but he's impartial to it and professional too so I should give him credit really. nervous about my Wife's response to it now.. silly as that sounds I really don't want to hear any kind of told you so, can you stop going on about it now type feedback from her. hoping she can be more sensitive to it - she was very edgy this morning I could tell she didnt know what to expect before I left either... WE SHALL SEE
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Post by computermandan on Oct 10, 2013 10:29:14 GMT
ok... so 50 minute chat with the doc... he was a psychiatrist, he seemed reasonable. we went through everything, marriage, family, school, social through school etc... i even opened up about my nutty driving and for me speed=focus etc etc (i dont own up to that much) "while you display a lot of the symptoms of ADHD there is not really any hyperactivity and not enough impulsivity"wow... really? "I can see all these symptoms point to it but they might just be symptoms not indicative of underlying problem"oh... erm ok "I think you might be on autistic spectrum and maybe a little bit Aspergers you should look it up on the internet and see what you thinkhang on a minute... you're the doc, I'm the IT guy... you're confusing me "I'm prescribing you an anti-depressant that will help you sleep lets see how that goes for 28 days"ok... i guess theres some logic somewhere.... I feel a little bit lost now. He basically kept repeating no hyperactivity, no police trouble, you went through school you're not ADHD. let the motion of the wheels begin...I have been given Mirtazapine in the aim of getting my sleep pattern back? (but doc I've NEVER slept properly!) never heard of it before but I guess I have to go through the motions.
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Post by computermandan on Oct 9, 2013 16:40:58 GMT
Tomorrow is the "initial assessment"... Leaving out the {jaw dropping / stumbling on Adult ADHD on the WWW / Do these people know me} - moment Leaving out the GP appointments I forgot and got the times wrong and didn't arrive in time for Leaving out the relief when the GP said "I can see how frustrated you are let me refer you" I guess this is the start of MY personal account... (well I should definitely note it down SOMEWHERE ) Roll on 10am tomorrow (bit nervous/anxious/weird feeling).
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Post by computermandan on Oct 7, 2013 10:41:53 GMT
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