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Post by computermandan on Dec 30, 2013 12:45:20 GMT
Hi Everyone... hope you had good xmases all round. luckily avoided the bad weather, mostly (3 new fence panels added to to do list!), but struck down with some mad chest infection type thing... still barking up pink stuff now (ooh too much info). I do believe I hyperfocus - I've tried to explain this to the psych and he seems to have pushed it down the OCD route and made me explore the Aspergers side of having favourite interests etc which I've kind of ruled out. What I notice more than anything when I'm "in the zone" is how irritable and annoyed I get when people try to get my attention during that point in time. Trying to cook (note trying) I cannot hack people in the kitchen at the same time talking or anything, I get all "stop touching that! Don't make a mess! go out of the door I can't think properly" Mostly I've noticed it late in the evening when everyone else has gone to bed. I can't switch off, I research a random topic and go off on wild (generally internet based) tangents, I recreate 20 or thirty youtube playlists of songs I forgot I liked or new things I've discovered, I might decide I can develop a new website (utlimately doesnt get very far!), write a song (cue lots of notebooks half filled with odd ramblings) or even a book... and then it's 4am and you finally feel drained enough to switch off and sleep for the 2 hours you get before it's time to start again. I know I've just re-written the kinds of things I've read here a million times already - but this is what screws me up daily at work and nightly at home. It's what messed up my uni degree as I watched people, I regularly helped with things they didn't understand, pick up their 1st class degrees and I collected my 3rd which I'm still sure I only just got because the tutors marking my failure of a final project felt enough pity to scrape the thing for any marks possible. and it was such a good idea and I was so enthusiastic! online video rental/streaming before it's time... was I mad not to finish it or what? As it happens I'm a good way into taking the Citalopram now and whilst there's no side effects - I can't say I'm noticing any benefit either. I think I'll take them till they're gone and then go back in feb for my next appointment, tell the chap I feel my symptoms are being treated not the cause of the symptoms and explain why I feel that way and what I want to do about it - specialist referral. I'm sure I've read about Dr Chad here somewhere, but I can't recall what and where in the forum. Also anything private side is unlikely to happen as money would be a big fat brick wall in the way there too. and yes I 100% know what you mean about lecture mode. think I've mumbled on here again now too lol thanks for the continued support and advice
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Post by computermandan on Dec 16, 2013 15:25:24 GMT
Not going to lie - I love christmas... but not going to lie again, it's mostly because I get presents. hate cards = pointless like time off work like the look on my kids faces hate the effort and guilt trip from you know who "i have to think of everything, I have to do all the wrapping" etc etc I was meaning to do it eventually....
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Post by computermandan on Dec 16, 2013 15:21:44 GMT
Not sure about rev limiter and dump valve noises - I'd describe mine as more canal boat lol.
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Post by computermandan on Dec 13, 2013 0:32:36 GMT
definitely a barricade job for now then
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Post by computermandan on Dec 12, 2013 16:20:54 GMT
I do some strange things that I never would have noticed if my wife hadn't pointed them out "stop that weirdo" lol.
When I drive I do like a "raspberry blowing out of my mouth making my lips vibrate" noise that I sometimes think is me subconciously making engine noises, why I don't know!
I get told to pack it in and suddenly become aware I was doing it. Then have to be repeatedly told because I start again. Only seems to happen when driving though.
I chew my tongue without realising too.
and the good old annoy everyone in the office "knee bounce" that shakes the adjoining desks making everyone think there's a small miniscule earthquake starting...
not sure these could be tics or just random things I do when concentrating.
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Post by computermandan on Dec 12, 2013 16:10:18 GMT
we got a dog and whilst I'm forever getting into trouble for forgetting to walk him, he's a good excuse for well overdue excercise! we didnt have a problem with him and the tree... he took an interest in it and the baubles as a pup (ran off with one or two). but we just un-decorated the bottom part so he couldnt reach them, he soon lost interest (it wasnt a real tree though - don't know if that makes a difference) I guess this would work if your dog is fairly small but not if its a bigger breed
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Post by computermandan on Dec 11, 2013 18:16:23 GMT
@planetdave thanks
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Post by computermandan on Dec 11, 2013 18:15:44 GMT
wow. thats some detail. i need to try harder.
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Post by computermandan on Dec 11, 2013 17:44:25 GMT
In bedfordshire - dunstable to be more precise. comes under a group called SEPT (south essex something)
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Post by computermandan on Dec 11, 2013 16:23:43 GMT
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Post by computermandan on Dec 11, 2013 14:47:32 GMT
am i missing the point entirely? when I go back do i literally just say I want to see a specialist for assessment?
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Post by computermandan on Dec 11, 2013 11:56:21 GMT
Well. I think now having read what you guys have said and reading through the whole topic again it's really reiterated that I need to effectively stand up to the chap a little. come to think of it i do tend to adopt the hands between knees, head down talking to the important doc pose when I'm in there. Worst thing is - I had the NICE booklet with me all printed out ready - despite mentioning the things i'd listed they all got attributed to anxiety as I had no "physical" issues like drug addiction and trouble etc. I've read and agreed with people being told that's not the case here time and time again - how did I miss this in my own appointment? little bit angry with myself for not making a proper effort here, I've let it slip by like i tend to do with lots of things. I do tend to get walked over by people
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Post by computermandan on Dec 11, 2013 11:43:47 GMT
I think you guys are right... in at least a "proper" assessment would be fair. not sure I have the fight in me at the moment. Certain people don't see I'm fighting to find answers to some of the issues they themselves identified as being problems. I think exploring them HAS made it worse if nothing else because I keep going on about them and bringing them to everyone's attention all the time. Where I used to plaster over the cracks with workarounds and pretending I was listening etc there's now a chisel wiggling around exposing them fully. Arguing (and that's all it will be) with my other half isn't really what I want to be doing right now (not great for the kids either)... it's a little complicated and I know I'm shouldering a lot of the stress caused by others, choosing to let things go has been hard but I don't really have another option - I don't need the baggage I guess it's a point where I don't really know where to take it in terms of the Docs etc so I'm just going with it in the blind hope that they will get there. Got past being annoyed by it, maybe I'm already steamrollered! oddly enough the psych recommended using internet forums (after I mentioned using one) to get ideas for coping methods and workarounds etc to help me with things. Glad I can be one of the gang, because posting on here and seeing understanding viewpoints really does help get your head around some things.
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Post by computermandan on Dec 11, 2013 0:03:49 GMT
so last minute prep.. I know I said what i needed - he still talked me round... odd thing is I'm kind of agreeing with him.
my "symptoms" have become prominent because of the stresses in my life recently.
I am anxious about the issues I've been having but remain adamant any depression is a side effect not the main issue.
Whilst he agreed that there are signs of ADHD he doesn't think the negative impact is enough to warrant meds and so referral (he didnt outright say that but it was kind of inferred)
so onto less drowsy anxiety tackling meds... Citalopram for 28 days. I have no idea what this will have in store. he mentioned trying beta blockers as a next step - I'm in the dark as to what they do - cue hyperfocus for the rest of the week.
maybe i need to accept i do not have ADHD ? maybe I am just a bit lazy, forgetful and distracted... I discussed the appt with my wife and she unfortunately is of that thinking already and whilst apologetic realises she is unsupportive in my "hunt for an excuse".
ho hum...
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Post by computermandan on Dec 10, 2013 11:12:23 GMT
oh I'm SO not ready... 3 hours sleep. at work with a pile of blah to do - 8 weeks behind on timesheet, finance director smiling over my shoulder.
I got the application half done... seems midnight on the 10th is tonight not this morning unless their website is messed up.
Thanks for the support peeps. think bullet points before appt might be necessary now lol
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Post by computermandan on Dec 10, 2013 10:05:34 GMT
haha... I can't think of anything to write so.... SQUIRRELS. Are considering a wig made of squirrel hair?
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Post by computermandan on Dec 10, 2013 9:42:15 GMT
haha... I can't think of anything to write so.... SQUIRRELS.
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Post by computermandan on Dec 9, 2013 16:35:20 GMT
hello! I regularly feel like this, the extra jobs don't go away and more keep piling up and you can't focus on the one you need to do because you're thinking of the 50 others and the newer ones that appear seemingly more and more frequently.. Lists and lists and lists of lists kept me going for a while until I started losing them, then someone on here or another ADHD related site pointed me in the direction of www.rememberthemilk.com to use as a task list (mobile app etc all available). it's helped me not to forget some things that kept getting me into bother. although rembering to put things in was tricky at first - Im getting on much better at work and at home. (there's only so many times you can forget to do things that happen the same time every week and get away with it! ) I feel for you - it's a real effort to keep doing it - but pick something, get it done and enjoy it.
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Post by computermandan on Dec 9, 2013 13:24:50 GMT
Right... after appointment got cancelled instead of being changed I got a new one... Round two with General psych tomorrow at 2pm or something like that. (must write it down).
so this evening is going to be prep time to nail down what I'm trying to say rather than say what i think im saying but actually saying something different...
I also need to apply for a job that I'd really like to go for that I've known about for weeks and haven't revisited yet. closing date for apps is tomorrow...
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Post by computermandan on Dec 9, 2013 13:12:13 GMT
It would appear I'm a blurty boring bleeding bossy wotsisface. I dislike trying all the time. looks like I'm going to have to try harder not to.
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Post by computermandan on Dec 5, 2013 17:05:18 GMT
Ive been thinking about this a lot recently - I have now convinced myself I was scared of not doing things the "right" way. Now I'm older and moved away from my Mother's family's catholic background the fear (of God and Authority etc) has gradually subsided.
I was never thinking if i do this, then this will be the consequence. It was more I was scared to do anything at all in case it was wrong.
Think this is the only reason I never got into any bother.
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Post by computermandan on Dec 4, 2013 10:04:36 GMT
I'm Reassured that I wasn't the only one who watched people who'd been asking "how do you do that?" and asking for help for 4 years at uni, succeed at getting much better results when it came down to the end. I was lucky to pass at all when it came down to it. Hate coursework.
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Post by computermandan on Dec 4, 2013 9:45:49 GMT
yes the late for work didn't fill up the night before and coasting to the office scenario... know it well.
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Post by computermandan on Dec 3, 2013 12:08:38 GMT
I'm just grateful that the keys stay in the cap on my car so I can't go anywhere without putting it back... always go for the pay at pump option too.
Regular panic merchant about petrol, convince myself I'm budgeting or something then sit in traffic with the light on, wondering if I'll make it off the m1.
right now my gear stick cable thingy is held together with an oversized paper clip and some cable ties, money and organisation have so far prevented me fixing it... but I put sorting it off "one more day" at a time... (2 RAC callouts in the last week now [luck the number is on the tax disc holder] {oh crap i forgot my car tax!!!!})
oh pooh.
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Post by computermandan on Dec 3, 2013 11:37:02 GMT
I mean, admitting to my wife again that I left my credit card in a cashier's reader AGAIN and to see her face bravely portray an acceptance of this inevitability but seeing the exasperation underneath is a bit soul destroying. And when you combine it with the comorbidities of depression and anxiety, the novelty factor soon goes. guessing my children's birthday's, guessing what days my wife works and explaining away the random "are you there?" messages on our answering machine, forgetting to sort out directions to events until everyone else is in the car... lol. Yes i think 5 years or so of it, masked by children's arrivals in between has got my wife and I this far! We've stumbled and picked ourselves up - and I learned a lot about myself (ADHD-like if not ADHD symptoms) in the last year. But it definitely gets me down knowing that, whether it's diagnosed ADHD or not, I will seemingly always be letting people down somehow or another. yes there's a creative streak... some of the amazing ideas I've had (wow)... if only they went further than ideas before it was too late! that's my tuppence worth anyway.
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Post by computermandan on Nov 25, 2013 13:48:25 GMT
reflective depressive state... oh yes, wandering around in that place frequently, with the aid of "the dark side of the moon" to speed the process.
Variation in skills, expertise and "quirks" are surely how this species has come so far so quickly... Someone had to sail off the edge of the world after all!
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Post by computermandan on Nov 22, 2013 17:31:03 GMT
This is a cool sci-fi like topic. when do we get zombies?
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Post by computermandan on Nov 15, 2013 10:18:24 GMT
Group hug anyone?
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Post by computermandan on Nov 13, 2013 17:00:32 GMT
lol - I made the presumption you had to be a member to post - so signed up before I tried I hadn't even noticed it until you mentioned it (i wonder why?)
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Post by computermandan on Nov 12, 2013 12:01:44 GMT
Oh yes I despise interviews... can't force myself to make eye contact and thinking about it makes it worse. can't remember what I've been asked so go off on tangents and there's only so many times "sorry can you repeat the question" can get used... never really considered the ADHD side of things getting in the way but they clearly do... just found this on additude mag's site that looks useful...
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