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Post by blaze on Aug 5, 2014 15:22:22 GMT
Odd is another developmental disorder so yes can be a comorbid of adhd. i once worked w a kid who had this, we basicly avoided situations where he cd say no, like instead of saying do you want to wear this and getting no, we wd lay out two outfits and let him choose, like it was his own idea to get dressed. Youbger kid obviously but you get the jist. I think when dandas website was still up and running they had odd placed between adhd and asd on the diagram of nd conditions and how they link up. Try reading non violent communication , it might be a helpful approach.
Previous to being recognised as a developmental disordwr odd was considered a conduct disorder, which when dx in children is then rediagnosed as a personality disorder in adulthood, so thete maybe sm stratagies related to these that you might find apply still. Not sure though, pds are now thought to be an extension of ads so the general consenus on these may have changed anyways, jst a though, sorry if no use.
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Post by blaze on Aug 5, 2014 14:59:56 GMT
there was a diagnosis put forward to the last dsm called developmental truama disorder to cover those who present as adhd due to trauma. I dont think it was accepted (which doesnt mean much, compkex post truamatic stress disorder still hasnt been accepted but has long been used). I last read.about it on the truama pages, although you cd prob jst google. I personaly identify w dtd, and w adhd (and w being highly senstive, which again can present alot like adhd....) so you.cd both have adhd and sm form of truamtic innattentiveness. Both can be addressed in different ways, ofzen at the sametime.
Do you have support? Therapy, cpn etc? You might find the our childhood forums useful to deal w memories, napac forums are gd to and the wounded healer journal forums.
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emdr ptsd
Aug 5, 2014 14:48:42 GMT
via mobile
Post by blaze on Aug 5, 2014 14:48:42 GMT
I was dx w ptsd yrs ago, i went for private therapy w a child truama specialist as i worked in mh so knew first hand how poor the services were in nhs. Emdr has gd success rates, but most truama therapies are needed in multipul if that makes sence
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Post by blaze on Aug 5, 2014 14:42:10 GMT
Take your time, its ok to be angry and upset. My parents are sws and yet they neglected to notice my adhd, and hmjs, and abuse.... Being a parent myself now i realise how ill equiped many people are for doing this, for actualy seeing their kids rather than.expecting them to be a social norm and turning a blind eye when tgey arnt. Anything that requires realy emotional work, actualy being present w your kids is actualy realy realy tough and i jst think not everyone is up to that. Alice millers deana of being a child is a going read related to that if yiu want sm theraputic literatire.
Theres an awful lot i look back at thinking god if only id known what i know now, the hurt iv caused myself, the risk i put myself at, the mess iv made of certain things, but i think thats life for everyone im afraid, we jst have a reason that we can now identify that effected all this. I think its important to grieve these losses, lost chances, if only we had knows, but i also think for me what has become important is becoming a whole person in a v imperfect world, and i hope that my experience can become useful to othets going through the same thing, tgat to me becomes a useful thing and not anot all for nothin
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Post by blaze on Aug 5, 2014 14:27:24 GMT
Re benefits, i think im a bit bloody mindedly focused on the benefits.
I tried reading the link the otherday but had to cry after 'energy' (im almost allway cronicly tired from working so hard to manange my adhd & as adhd has high links to cfs i think energy is a stupidly hurtful one)
I like my nd brain, while my iq plain is v up and down (verbal off the chart and performance average) overall i have a guenus level iq and was a member of junior mensa as a kid. I find im a creative person, creative problem solver, out of the box thinker, i am highly intuative and a natural empath and have high emotional intelligence, i connect well to people, communicate alot of compassion, these strengths are generaly assosiated w adhd adults and all things that have been great benefit to work and help alot as a parent/partner/friend.
I think i stubornly cling to the positives because otherwise the negatives seem to big. Its often hard to explain the negatives in a way that other can understand, i can do everything 'normal' people can, its jst that it takes me 100 tines the effort and thats devastatingly exhausting and means every single thing is an uphill battle, even the supposed fun stuff if i ever time for it is still so much energy its work.
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Post by blaze on Aug 5, 2014 13:52:59 GMT
I meant to say things others kids take in their stride, but my fone wont let me edit
Also they dont cope well w singing time or story time at groups at all, the transion plus stimulation seems to set them off.
If anyones toddlers have been the same turned out to have or not have adhd id like to hear. Also if there was anything people found particularly helpful.
Thanks if you got this far
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Post by blaze on Aug 5, 2014 13:49:20 GMT
Can you talk me through what they were like as toddlers pls?
My girls are starting nursery in sept, and im terrified of them turning round and asking why an earth i havnt i noticed there is smthing seriously wrong w them and got them dx
My girls (twins to boot) were fast developers as littles, rolled, crawled (relief!) and walked before their peers. They talked early, and have a huge vocab, but their speach is unusual. They dont realy talk to other people, their speach out of the house w me is limited, they use twin speak w each other, they cant speak through their feelings if upset, or after if calmed down, and they do a minimal amount of socialy normal speach (they normaly dont say bye to people leaving or if we leave smwhere for example) these differences seem currently more proniunced than previously.
Emotionaly my girls are v.senstive and v reactive. I have to be careful which directions we go out in.because certain ones they assosiate w certain.activities and are then devastated if we go past these w out going in, despite me expkaining before hand what we are doing. They have a limit to how much social time they can cope w, its like they have no filter and all of the outside stimulation jst overwhelms them.
I have highly senstive children, raising your spirited child and iv read sm of active alert children. They v obviously hit all the criteria for these, so maybe its jst a case they are much higher strung and things will balance out in time. Or maybe they are highly senstive and have adhd (like im both) or maybe they have further.developmental disorders also. While i dont mind if they have my adhd i realy dont want a dianosis pushed on them too young. While they are tough little whirlwinds of caos at hm i dont feel this is a problem, i dont feel like a dx at this stage wd be of benefit, plus i dont want them stuck w a label before getting a chance to jst develope normaly at.nursery and school. Plus my girls dont take well to new people and or situations/places and i dont want to drag them off to speach and language therapy etc when they will jst refuse to speak to.them anyways and be hysterical the whole time. They speak fine w their baby sitter when im not there, and w friends of mine if they have been left w them, and im hoping, once settled at.nursery, that the same will happen, but im jst worried that straight away they will try and push them to be refered to whoever deals w diagnosis. I intentionaly havnt told them i have adhd (i tell everyone, im quite proud of it and focus on the strengths it.brings) because i dont want them influenced by this.
I guess im posting.because my girls are suddenly much harder work than usual, they make exsorsist seem tame and smtimes i feel like 'what if theres smthing realy wrong w them and its all my fault', but i dont want our local judgemental hvs trying to 'fix' my girls or make them feel like theres smtjing wrong w them.
While friends notice my girls speach is unusal no one tjinks its anything to.worry over, a friend whose a montasory teacher says they are fine (she worried her eldest had adhd at the same age, he is now yr 1 and doing fine) we had a hmstart.volenteer (because of my joint problems) who never suggested anything was wrong. I think both my girls refusual to speak to others cms accross alittle flirty/babyish if that makes sence, as opposed to seeming like they actualy cant.
They have a tendancy to ignore other kids (they have each other after all) but they do love.playdates and ask for their little friends afterwards even if they dont interact that much w them. W each other they are v contained in their own little world, one minute fighting to the death and the next all hugs and kisses)
I jst allways feel like i am that mother everyone is tutting at as my kids decend into melt down frequently over every tiny thing others kids ta
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Post by blaze on Jul 1, 2014 15:20:47 GMT
Iv been off meds for the last few yrs(pregnancy and.breast feeding) but hope to go back onto my much loved strattera soon, i prefer top dose of strattera or off licence combo of this plus 20mg of ritilin. Im not.keen on the side effects of stimulants at.high doses. I also find on stimulants i feel like my brain is being.forced to focus and i.dont feel like myself, on strattera i feel like it helps w organisation of thoughts and practical things so i can get.things done w less.caos and exhaustion but i still feel like me. I have minor side effects that i get from the pain meds im on abyways.
Re meds, the point is to aim for 'optimal dose' which is the most benefit w the least side effects, which for sm might mean a tiny dose for tiny benefit but no side effects which makes enough difference to a persons life
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Post by blaze on Jul 1, 2014 15:11:38 GMT
hi op
I went through stages of infatuation when younger despite my current 12 yr v stabel and compleately faithful loving relationship
I found the voice dialogue literature on relationships and why we feel attractions to others v useful. If you can get past the hippyish feeling of its origins the ideas of how we become attracted to dominant characterists in others that are dormant in ourselves and how that signifies a need to address these more submissive parts of ourselves helped alot. It also helped me understand alot of other relationship stuff like how the things we find adorable in oh to begin w drive us crazy in the long run etc etc and ofcourse gave me ideas to cope w this stuff also. Id recommend the uk based sites/articles over the us ones. Hope it can help sm. Gd luck w it all
quote author="not logged in" source="/post/81436/thread" timestamp="1403487870"]hi all
im a registered user but im to shy to log in because of the nature of the question id like to ask.
does anyone else get infatuated with people? ive got a significant other whom i truly love v much. but i find i get kind of obssessed with other people.
someone at work at the mo, i cant stop thinking about him. hardly even know him. but hes sweet and funny and theres chemistry. i dont want to like him. i dont want to think about him. i dont want to hurt my S.O.
but i feel like i want to be close to this guy at work. i feel like i want to kiss him and hold him. ive never cheated, ever. and im not going to now. but it feels like electric when hes near me.
is it just the excitement? the newy newness of someoene.... new? all mixed with my add. or am i a really crappy person....?[/quote]
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Post by blaze on Jun 30, 2014 7:11:51 GMT
contrarymary - looks like you and me both started even younger than I'd thought! Very interesting though. No one could accuse an unborn baby of not 'trying hard enough' to turn the right way round in time! theres a school of thought that belueves that contray to the generaly accepted conclusion that birth truama can be linked to sm problems that these underlying problems cause birth truama. I can imagine thats a possiblity but for the most part i cant.imagine its logical. It was intetesting reading though
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Post by blaze on Jun 30, 2014 7:09:22 GMT
I was told that I never crawled as a baby, but got around on my bottom. Didn't realise it was an indicator of a developmental delay. Its smthing to do w the brain not coordinating properly and the area pf the brain that deals w abstract imagibation not developing correct (absrtact as in no baby sees an adult crawling so they have to figure it out w no guide)
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Post by blaze on Jun 29, 2014 14:40:42 GMT
Ofcourse asd and adhd are related, as they are w all developmental disorders, dandas website had a great diagram of many developmental disorders interlink, but sadly its mostly been down since mary colleys death. From what i remember ed pyschs, psychiatrists, etc.say that most of us who qualify for one developmental disorder have two or three atleast. Asd isnt on an adhd spectrum or adhd on the asd spectrum but rather both are interlinked in more of a prisam of all developmental disorders
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Post by blaze on Jun 29, 2014 14:31:32 GMT
i'm told that my mother was in labour with me for 3 days .......... i was breech and face down and then was apparently an extremely "difficult" baby interesting thread... When i was pregnant i came accross articles (radical midwifery perhaps or aims etc) that talked about how sm professionals consider breach birth as the first missed developmental milestone (the way not crawling is considered the first indicator of developmental disorders) I posted before on this thread but forgot half my post.... My own birth, i was prem, emergancy c section, born w no heart beat, obvioulsy v oxygen deprived, lived in an inucubator for a while (that strangely i had dreams about my whole childhood long before i knew my birth.story) and drs said id be severely brain damaged if i lived. I have adhd, disgraphia, and a bunch of physical disabilities that can in no way be caused by my birth
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Post by blaze on Jun 22, 2014 14:39:25 GMT
V prem births or oxygen deprivation has long been known to be an envirmental factor that can activate a genetic suceptability to all developmental disorders.
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Post by blaze on Jun 18, 2014 15:25:44 GMT
I took strattera and it cms w a slight miscarrige risk so it was a no brainer. I was v ill during pregnany (twins) so was off work sick so have no way of knowing if i cd have coped w out meds. I bf for 2.5 yrs, again w out strattera, i did take ritilin for a while as its considered.safe according to the research but i dont like it. Wd have dearly loved to have my strattera back but bf the girls was most important to me. Oh deals w running the.house, and we paid a cleaner.
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Post by blaze on Jun 17, 2014 15:23:37 GMT
Ok, well actually, it is headed 'Dads' in time for Fathers' Day.... .......but ADHD mums are awesome too! linkIm surprised how well that described me as a parent (even though meant for dads) id add one though, being that i had to get comfortable w mess due to my inability to tidy i dont nit pick when they spill stuff, break things, or jst generaly cause caos, plus i spend time e them rather than cleaning a show home
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Post by blaze on Jun 11, 2014 15:31:35 GMT
blaze - sent you a PM with some links Thanks, will have a look when i get the time
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Post by blaze on Jun 7, 2014 8:01:56 GMT
Yes pls pm me the links, although not soup as i make alot of that already. Pudding wise i was meaning things like healthy cjoc brownies w beatroot in or avacado cream etc, i allways read about this stuff and it sounds like such a great way of sneaking in veg to fuss toddlers, so jst if anyone knew which recieps work out easy to do... carrot cake scones sound a bit like that so id try, thanks quote author=" contrarymary" source="/post/80960/thread" timestamp="1402080976"]Hi blazei can't follow the "different things at different times" recipes either - well, i can, but it takes ENORMOUS amounts of effort and concentration and a really long time to get it done. i wonder how far that's because i usually only do these things once and then move on, so it's always got that learning curve and then association with stress. or i wonder if it might simply be a symptom of something adhd? for me carrot cake scones should have thus been a no-no - admittedly i hadn't made scones for more than 12 years - but i found it took me over an hour before i had them in the oven (!!!!!) and then almost an hour to clean up the mess but i can PM you a link to a recipe if you like i'm definitely more of a savoury person and majored in soups, pasta bakes, bean chillis etc. love things that can go into one pot, or that need some prep and then go in the oven so that you have time to clear up while it's finishing off and there's only a bit of washing up left for after the meal! in terms of puddings i've always kept them really, really simple. when my daughter was small it was always either fruit or yoghurt for pudding and that was our normal. sometimes for a treat i would make fruit salad - a treat because of all the effort to chop everything up. as a result fruit salad has always been her favourite pudding and i found that dressing a pudidng up a wee bit, arrange slices of fruit nicely on a plate so it felt special, or making a fruit face of banana slices with apple eyebrows and mouth and a few raisins for hair etc always went down well the only puddingy things i cook have also tended to be largely fruit-based (am i really healthy? or just stumped by puddings?!) and these have never been more often than a weekly treat, and cos more time available at weekends. ..... like stewed apples, baked apples (stuffed with raisins, or mincemeat, or breadcrumbs and honey), apple crumble, apple pie (bought pastry), baked bananas, banana fritters, plum crumble etc. served with yoghurt, or occasionally custard (if someone else stirred it! or chatted to me while i did). i read a thing years ago about combine a dried fruit with a fresh fruit (eg apples and raisins, bananas and dates, orange and cranberry) and a particular spice - ginger or cinnamon or clove (just a little!) or nutmeg etc and it will always taste good. seems to work is this the sort of stuff you mean? ( or am i simply rambling cos i'm tired and it's friday .. ) do let me know - i'm happy to help if i can. [/quote]
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Post by blaze on Jun 6, 2014 15:50:49 GMT
carrot cake scones sounds amazing actualy, and scones are the only thing i can successfuly (smtimes) bake. do you have any slow cooker vegany reciepes? Iv never been able to focus on the booklet it came w. Any v easy deserts that invole veg wd be great for the kids, if raw even better. Im better if its one linear reciep, not different parts at different times. Thanks uote author=" contrarymary" source="/post/80925/thread" timestamp="1402006566"]hello blaze - welcome my brain is stuffed with vegetarian/vegan wholefood recipes. if you could give me an idea of the sort of recipe or food prep that you find doable i would be happy to try to dredge up some that fit with the pattern (eg number of steps, time to concentrate) that works for you. i know what you mean about the number of steps in cooking, and in baking particularly - my carrot cake scones the other week were supposed to be 15 mins prep and 10 mins baking: somehow the whole took 2 hours including cleaning up the kitchen (no idea how i got flour and grated carrot everywhere but hey) i have a particular fondness for recipes where everything gets put into one pot to either be cooked or whizzed up - hence my enormous expertise with soup [/quote]
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Post by blaze on Jun 1, 2014 20:50:41 GMT
Very true. But as an atypical female breadwinner, I can also guess that for many married men who have ADHD and kids, the pressures of keeping a job when the financial consequences of failure fall not only on you but on those you love - that's tough, too, and the stress doesn't do the ADHD any good. I've sat in both camps - I've been breadwinner to a stay-at-home husband and I'm now a single mum and I can't say, particularly, than either of those aspects of my life were worse than the other to deal with with my ADHD. They both sucked. ADHD sucks all round. I really don't see any point in trying to identify ways in which women have it worse than men. We could meander around the way that society appears to accept violence among boys more readily than it does girls and that as a result, impulsive boys don't ever face social drivers to restrain their fists until they've grown up by which time it's too late. It does affect males and females differently and it manifests differently, but is it 'worse'? Are women more 'disadvantaged'? I really can't say, and in fact, I really don't want to say. I don't think it would be helpful - I'd much rather we spent our time getting the difficulties that everyone faces with ADHD focussed on more and properly recognised and supported. I think that would be a more useful conversation to have. i wdnt say adhd sucks all round. i wont bore you with the way in which it has effected my life negatively, but, when i was re dx as an adult, along with other developemnetal disorders i spent sm time lurking on forums, taking part in sm, reading articles/books etc that point to several smtimes shared strengths of adhd and other dds- thinking out side the box, more determined, more creative, more intuative and empathetic amoung others. i definately identify with these. i dont know how much this cd relate to other females, but i find being a woman these traits are more acceptable as female strengths over more commonly thought of male strengths like being goal orientated, getting results etc. when i worked i allways worked in roles with children or adults with chalenging behaviours- i cd click with them, empathise, build relationships with difficult to work with people that colleges failed to make head way with- women tend to be socialised to communicate more than men, to build support networks (and therefore resources and skills) in a way males arnt, i think perhaps for me these females skills meant that my hyper senstivity, innate inutaiveness and empathy had a constructive and valued career role. i also think that for women dropping in and out of work or studies or changing roles or combining jobs is more socialy acceptable than it is for men (mothers take mat leave, and most sahps are women, most flexy hrs/shared jobs are held by women, it is more common for women to become carers to a elderly or disabled relative than a man, most small at hm start ups are wahms) and so a man faces a more linear road to achievement and success than is expect of women, to struggle with how adhd effects that, or chop and change career choices, jst isnt as socialy acceptable for men as it is for women (although i think its a fairly negative social stereotype that women get stuck with- being flaky or indecisive). i certainly dont think women have it easy by any stretch, but i think there are different ways in which it becomes harder for sm men and vice versa.
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Post by blaze on Jun 1, 2014 20:29:02 GMT
I know that a lot of the more beautifully mature ish ladies on here are single, less so the lovely younger ones... just wondering if you feel that we're in a worse situation because often, not always I know, men's ADHD problems are compensated for by the NT women in their lives and their ability to hold it all together with their multi skills, especially organisation... I was thinking about this again today in terms of wage inequality and how ADHD might affect women. Women on average earn nearly 20% less than men. People with disabilities also earn significantly less than non-disabled people. A woman with ADHD therefore has a dual disadvantage compared to the average earner. In couples where the man has ADHD, the average effect of a lower wage might be to equalise their income. In couples where the woman has ADHD, the average effect would be to increase the inequality. Wage inequality increases dependance of the lower earner on the higher. When the woman is the lower earner, it is more likely that she will be the one who will give up work to look after children, lowering her chances of future well-paid employment and increasing her financial dependance on her partner. Financial inequality reduces the ability of the dependent person to make choices and decisions, limits their social status, limits their life choices and makes it harder to exit the relationship. jst in addition to this point under our current pm the wage gap between men and women has increased for the first time in around 5 decades, the majority of money that has been scrapped back from benefit cuts has came from women 911 out of 16 billion i think i read) and as its much more common for the mother to give up work in the event their child has a disability along with higher rates of divorse/seperation for parents of children with disabiitys along with significantly more single parent families headed by the mother the fact that the pm has cut so mcuh funding from disbililty charitys at the same times hes cut back on disability benefits will definately disadvantage women (sen support cut in schools wont help either) i know this isnt directly to do with adhd only
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Post by blaze on Jun 1, 2014 20:04:08 GMT
hi people *waves*
i am a disaster at following reciepes. i love fresh, cooked from scratch meals, but i realy realy have no ability to follow recieps more complicated than a couple of steps. does anyone have any v straight forward, healthy, preferabley veggy or vegan reciepes their kids love? i can cook fairly well and have a great sence of flavour so can subsititue things easily, but baking is impossible to me, i was reading deliciously ella recently and love the idea of her 'baking' reciepes (raw foods) as they are so full of hidden fruit and veg, but i have no idea if i cd actualy make any with out wasting time (and money and energy getting ingredients from h and b etc), has anyone tried and tested these? or have any similar simple ones?
thanks
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Post by blaze on Jun 1, 2014 19:53:52 GMT
hey, im new, and i have twin toddlers
i came off strattera to concieve, the mth or so until i did wasnt hard from what i remember, i was physicaly very ill during pregnancy so off sick throughout most of it anyways so i have no way of knowing how hard it may have been to work unmedicated.
there are sm articles smwhere about the hormones in preganncy and whilst breast feeding having a positive effect on the left side of the brain which helps with organisation and attension. i bf for along time and coped, since stopping i notice more struggles w attention- but thats maybe because im waiting for an appointmnet to go back on meds, so it maybe my own frustration
what i found (choosing to be a sahm bf mummy) is that there wasnt anywhere as much need for managing my attention span as previously required by work or studies in the time oriengtated, structured, routine rigid world- oh manages the bills etc, we payed a clearer due to my physical disabilities anyways, my hand bag was discarded in favour of a prepacked changed bag w a pocket for lip balm, phone, money, keys (nothing much else needed), part of going w the flow of bf means stopping clocking watching so it no longer mattered much and meeting friends at toddlers or the park are fairly flexible arrangements to remember and stick to. children are all emotions, those i am innately intune with, the cuddley boho life suits my adhd, im happy running round parks or splashing in muddy puddles, enacting the grufallo for the 100th time or having a four hr cuddle-a-thon after decorating the grass w red paint. this feels so much more real to me than trying to squash my square peggness into the round hole of the nt world.
iv had moments, memory issues, exhaustion from struggling to organise dinner even if simple, overwhelmed by over stimulating soft play dates and unable to string senstances together coherantly- tired frazzeled mummy friends are way more supportive and accepting than colleges in my experience, and most see my unmedicated hyperness as bubblyness rather than irritating- major plus point for me. ignorant patronising hcp were the worst, i will be better armed in future.
small amounts of structured time away from los helps also
i think i wd have found this all much harder if i ff (preparing amounts, following instructions etc, plus i cannot leave the house with out my boobs) or if oh was the kind of guy who saw sahp as including a tidy house, ironed clothes and dinner on the table when he got in from work, luckily having twins was so unbelieveabley intense for us both that he more than understands that my job is parenting our children and that he our house will remain a mess unless he chooses to clean it! my girls are whirlwinds, and fairly ferral ones at that, their spirit is smthing i appriciate, and it matches me well.
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