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Post by carly31 on Jun 14, 2014 6:19:03 GMT
It took nine months from initial contact with gp to my actual assessment. I thought that was pretty good, but my gp made sure I didn't get my hopes up that it'd a quick process. I heard that some people wait 18 months plus :-(
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Post by carly31 on Jun 13, 2014 13:32:50 GMT
I'm a firm believer in grieving planetdave. A lot of the self esteem issues I feel come from childhood. Im not depressed, but I feel totally miserable and responsible for everybody's suffering. That's from having grown up with adults who were unhappy and transferring all of their shit onto me. Ive got to rethink these beliefs from an adults view point now. Gotta be the parent to myself. Talking to my mum, she said I was a difficult child, I have difficulties as an adult, so I don't doubt that she's wrong but I guess the child me grew up thinking I was a bad person. I feel like this diagnosis has really helped me process things. I'm going to a support group later, bit scared, but equally excited
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Post by carly31 on Jun 12, 2014 19:18:12 GMT
When it takes you 5 and a half years to finally get round to registering at a dentist!
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Post by carly31 on Jun 12, 2014 10:04:41 GMT
I suppose the diagnosis is bringing a lot of things up from the past. It's almost as if I have to change my entire internal dialogue, changing the whole story I had about myself. Suppose the angst is because it's painful to think that there was a reason yet liberating to learn that I'm not a bad person afterall.
I've found a support group and going tomorrow eve.
Thank you all for sharing with me, it's really helped to know I'm not alone cx
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Post by carly31 on Jun 10, 2014 22:27:50 GMT
I hallucinate sometimes before going to sleep. Apparently that's normal if you're really tired. I've never heard bangs like that though but it sounds really interesting. It's mad to think that you have sensation of different parts of the brain shutting down for the night. I tell you what I get very often just before dropping off, I get the sensation that my hands, tongue and lips are massive. Apparently it's called the homunculus- it's a how the brain sees the body in relation to nerve endings. visalakshiramani.wordpress.com/articles/wonderful-body/homunculus/ Have you ever experienced this?
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Post by carly31 on Jun 10, 2014 22:17:44 GMT
Ye I guess old thinking habits take a long time to undo :/
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Post by carly31 on Jun 10, 2014 21:51:54 GMT
I'm glad I'm not the only one who feels that way.
I pushed for a diagnosis but then felt like a fraud once I was told that my symptoms are clinically significant.
It was a bit of strange assessment. It didn't help that I got really cross because I found the nurse rude- or maybe it did help?? I saw a nurse for the first half who took a life history. He said he thought I was hyperactive and impulsive type. He then met with the consultants for half hour. Then I had another 1.5 hrs with another man- who may have been a student doctor or nurse- who was with another doctor who didn't speak at all. I was there a good 4 or 5 hours in total. I have to wait a couple of months now before they start medication because I'm currently in a relapse of PTSD.
I still feel anxious that I'm a fraud though. I can't really explain. I keep thinking that maybe I have borderline personality instead. It's almost as if I believe that there is something wrong with me, with my personality, rather than it being a neurodevelopmental thing. Hmm well, that's something I could do with addressing in therapy!!
That fraud thing is common though isn't it? Like a secondary symptom of never being good enough growing up. One minute I'm coming to terms with it, the next I'm convinced it's all in my head.
Did/does anyone else feel like that?
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Post by carly31 on Jun 9, 2014 22:45:43 GMT
I've been reading quite a lot about ADHD since making my first post about having difficulty with my diagnosis. It's fair to say I've got a hyperfocus on! I'm currently reading the driven to distraction book which is proving to be quite soothing. I'm identifying with most of the stories in one way or another. So I understand now that ADHD is a neurodevelopmental disorder, more like a disorder of self-control and self-regulation. This makes more sense to me. I've always known the things I need to succeed but never really understood why I needed them. I like boundaries. If you want me to fail at anything just give me free reign. I like consequences, immediate consequences. Tell me what you want me to do and I'll do it well. Let me figure it out by myself and you'll be waiting a long time! I spoke to my mum about ADHD in a roundabout way and she said had the same issues as me- although not as physically hyper- she is restless and she hyperfocuses and loses interest in things before she's finished. My sister is a SENCO and she said she wouldn't be surprised if I had ADHD. So the whole family thing went much better than anticipated. It makes sense now why I was labelled the naughty child. Why everyone had low expectations of me, why nobody was surprised I got into drugs, alcohol, extreme sports, why I never reached my potential etc. My self-esteem issues started when I was about 4-5yrs old in primary school. Everything else I experienced just layered on top, slowly building up the idea that there was something wrong with me. I was punished for being myself. Punishments didn't work because I didn't know what I was doing wrong! My anger at being misunderstood was punished, everything I did was apparently wrong and I grew up being ashamed of myself. I never learnt that it was my behaviour that people didn't like because I never meant to behave in a bad way. That's still true to this day. That's not to say I can't be a handful, because I can, but that's because I feel let down by people and quite frankly I'm a little bit resentful about it. I'm currently in a hyperfocus about this so it's nice to have something to focus on. That's why hyperfocus is so addictive for me. It's the one time I feel in control. Sometimes it's productive- like mastering skills- but sometimes it's destructive. The worst hyperfocus I get is falling in lust with people. They're always emotionally unavailable people but I spend every waking hour daydreaming about the possibilities. I am more aware that it is a hyperfocus now. It was very destructive before, I just hadn't learnt the art and game of flirting, now I'm better at treading carefully but no better at resisting limerence . The next thing I need to decide is whether I want to try medication. I don't, because I'm against putting chemicals in my body (now that I'm an ex: smoker, drinker, drug taker I've taken up fascism against these vices JK) I think that there is still part of me resisting psychiatry. On the other hand I am really miserable with my life and my inability to reach my full potential. hmmm I guess there's no harm in trying. Has anyone else had difficulty with trusting doctors?
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Post by carly31 on Jun 9, 2014 21:58:16 GMT
No, I get really scatty 3-4 days before my period. To the point that I just don't know what's going on, I cant focus on anything so I'm generally miserable and tearful. I spend most of my time sitting on the stairs- it's neither here nor there- that's why I sit there, it's a reflection of my mental state. I wish I was more like you
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Post by carly31 on Jun 9, 2014 11:41:50 GMT
You always manage to do an Indiana Jones while getting onto to a train- just as the doors are closing! How? I'll never know. An art I've mastered over the years!
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Post by carly31 on Jun 6, 2014 18:49:06 GMT
Driven to distraction I found very useful, as well as answers to distraction. But then quote a bit of it is sciency and my hubby is sitting his med school finals at the moment, so being able to talk to him about it at the same time might have added to the experience. 7 habits of highly effective people I'm about a 3rd of the way through of. I'm listening to the audio book narrated by the author. I can only listen to it in chunks because there's so much information. It's the only audio book I'm going to get the paperback of because there are quite a few things I want to scribble. So far I don't think there's a single bit of it I didn't agree with or that wasn't useful in some way. The general format after the intro is the simple explanation of the habit, lots of examples of implementing the habit or where it could be useful in different situations, and then a comprehensive (but not exhaustive) summary. From what I can remember. It's been about a week (and a very busy one at that!) Since I last dipped in to it. Sent from my GT-I9000 using proboards Ye I think driven to distraction is good. It really has helped me come to terms with my diagnosis. I identified with most of the case studies. But I'm in my 4 th year of a health degree, so maybe that made a difference for me to...
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Post by carly31 on May 30, 2014 20:13:13 GMT
When you're 31yrs old and receive written feedback like this in your final assessment at university...
"You swung your legs so vigorously that it was distracting and further we were concerned you would kick your fellow presenter at one point"
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Post by carly31 on May 26, 2014 22:55:11 GMT
You lose count of the times you've rewashed the same load of washing. Because somehow it makes it into the washing machine. Goes through the wash cycle. And then nothing happens. Except the smell of mouldy washing. Similar situation with washing dishes. Water gets cold....etc etc. Mind numbing even thinking about these things. Oh my god! 7 times in a row last summer! I'd wash the clothes and then go out while i was waiting. Come back to the washing machine 3 days later only to wash them again because they'd been festering! I have lots of piles of clothes in my room. Dirty, clean, worn once... before I know it.. it's just one big pile! haha
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Post by carly31 on May 26, 2014 22:49:57 GMT
when you...
... go to the shop to buy a fathers day card and repeat that over and over in your head so you don't forget. Only to get a call from your mum a week later saying you'd actually bought a birthday card which was not only a day late, but they had to pick it up from the sorting office and pay the postage costs!
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