|
Post by shiningbright on Jul 19, 2016 9:34:19 GMT
Oh I'm finding it do hard to focus. I want to be up and moving around not sat writing this out. And I don't have a table so I'm sat cross legged on the floor and can't even wiggle my legs. My boy's are distracting me so much, I can't wait til their dad is awake- then he can take them. I'm getting very frustrated and stressed because I want to get these out of the way and over which before my oh goes to work this evening (so he can take them to submit) but I can't focus, the noise of the boy's, the urge to move around and my brain being on so much more interesting things then this. And today is onky a small batch of 19- I'm so not looking forward to tomorrow's batch
|
|
|
Post by shiningbright on Jul 19, 2016 5:42:46 GMT
So my son has decided thag 6 is a perfect wake up time. I'd have preferred 8 but I'm up now. Kinda I'm drifting back to sleep on the loo lol.
Loads of work to do, not keen but gotta be done :-( sometimes the only way out is through lol.
|
|
|
Post by shiningbright on Jul 18, 2016 17:10:04 GMT
And that right there is the reason why I don't want to seek a proper diagnosis. I just couldn't cope with the pressures and although I have a thick skin, it's not thick enough to be worrying about the social complications associated with being labeled as having a mental health illnesses.
I'm so sick of having to defend my emotional/physical state - no I'm not depressed; I'm fustrasted and emotionally drained. It's very vexing and too stressful for me.
I raise my hat (hijab lol) to those who can and do go through the system of assumptions lol.
|
|
|
Post by shiningbright on Jul 18, 2016 15:35:58 GMT
Now that the shopping is over with for the week I feel a little calmer. More myself almost. Just a tired version as those bags were heavy lol.
Really not looking forward to the week ahead but I'll manage somehow. It'll be a case of paperwork/exams all morning, cooking and cleaning afternoon and sleep evening.
I'm a little vexed at my oh but that'll pass - mostly cos I'll hardly see him and will have to deal with grumpy kids by myself.
|
|
|
Post by shiningbright on Jul 18, 2016 8:44:47 GMT
Just got a bottle of water, looked at it and seriously said to myself 'what's this for?'
I'm such an idiot >_< lol
|
|
|
Post by shiningbright on Jul 18, 2016 8:39:47 GMT
....You go to the shop with a shopping list of 4 items, but come home with 7 and only 3 of them are on the list Wow- 3 of the things on your list? That's awesome- I'm lucky if I get even half what's on my list and even with a list I still get so song uses once in the Shop. And where do I get this t-shirt every is talking about? Today i found the fairy in the fridge and the milk on the window sill - again! >_< And I'm super stressed out over going to the shop as I've got so much to do and don't have anything to give my OH for his lunch. Also when tidying I put the shoes in the toy box and the dirty clothes behind the sofa for some reason, Then found myself about to out unused nappies (which normally live behind the sofa) in the washing machine and stepped in toys in the hallway (where shoes live) and told my 3 yr old off before realising I did that. Roll on big hugs for my lad.
|
|
|
Post by shiningbright on Jul 18, 2016 8:19:54 GMT
....You go to the shop with a shopping list of 4 items, but come home with 7 and only 3 of them are on the list Wow- 3 of the things on your list? That's awesome- I'm lucky if I get even half what's on my list and even with a list I still get so song uses once in the Shop. And where do I get this t-shirt every is talking about? Today i found the fairy in the fridge and the milk on the window sill - again! >_< And I'm super stressed out over going to the shop as I've got so much to do and don't have anything to give my OH for his lunch. Also when tidying I put the shoes in the toy box and the dirty clothes behind the sofa for some reason, Then found myself about to out unused nappies (which normally live behind the sofa) in the washing machine and stepped in toys in the hallway (where shoes live) and told my 3 yr old off before realising I did that. Roll on big hugs for my lad.
|
|
|
Post by shiningbright on Jul 18, 2016 7:40:15 GMT
Slow start to a manic week and I'm dragging my heals.
Yah- my OH is home. Nah- he's got work and is only here til Thursday. Way nah- i have more exams as needs marking before Thursday and I won't receive them until tomorrow.
And it's a pain of an exam, the others were all reading, writing and maths, easy to mark. Now I've got to do the exam on spoken English which is fiddly cos they record it, Then I listen to the recording and rewrite it into the paperwork and mention how to matches marks >_< I hate it and I'm not in a good mood
Today is my only 'free day' until maybe Sunday. And I've got to get baby passport photo taken, get passport form for him, do the weeks worth of shopping at two shops and cook a big enough pot of food to get us through the week as I'll not likely have time to do much cooking in the coming days.
I've also got a tooth infection that's eating my attention span. I'm an emotional wreck cos of things I need to talk to my oh about but won't be able to. We're like ships in a night lately, cos Iif his work hours, he leaves for work at about 3pm, returns around 1/2am, eats and goes to bed at 4/5am which is when baby wants him milk. I'm out of bed around 6/7/8am and he wakes up around 12/1pm for breakfast.
Then after next week he starts a new project based in London when I'll only see him at weekend's.
The way his times been lately is -come to me on Sunday, go to cowfie on Thursday. Pretty fair I guess. But now his planning to take an extra job in London so he can pay off some debts. Meaning he'll come back on a Saturday and go oin a Sunday. Its only for a year but I'm not happy. And I know that if he can't see his kids one weekend (the ones to his ex wife) then he'll be "too tired to come down this weekend sorry".
Now I'm happy for him to take extra time with his other wife. But I need quality time with him and so do my boy's. I told him as much last night when he was saying he hopes to give me some of the money he gets for all the exams I've done. I said I appreciate the offer but I don't care about money. I do that work so he can have more time with his kids and that's what we need. It's all getting to me but I know it's only playing in my mind cos I'm stressing over the workload ahead of me :-(
|
|
|
Post by shiningbright on Jul 18, 2016 7:04:36 GMT
I live in a block of flats, I'm the ground floor and two above me. Factory to one side more flats to the other side through a shared hallway. I'm super lucky and the flat above me are very quite. Except when they fight which has been a lot less lately. And they have a baby a little older then mine who crys a lot like mine does but I don't count that as noise really (it's life- but until recently every time their baby cried my mill would leak lol).
Now the flat at the top are also very quite, it's a very lovely block of flats, but they have a teen son and every now and then you'll hear him playing the drums orpplaying heavy metal music. I don't mind but I can literally feel the sounds of it.
Same with the factory. Not too much noise but when it does it does loud lol.
I've now got a tooth infection which makes it all the trickier doing the stuff I need to do cos I can't focus lol. Oh well.
|
|
|
Post by shiningbright on Jul 17, 2016 17:06:14 GMT
It's so crazy that so many things have the same or similar symptoms yet are different, connected yet individual. It's no wonder no one understands anything lol.
|
|
|
Post by shiningbright on Jul 17, 2016 13:58:22 GMT
Done two booklets and one basic game. Most of it is cherry picking from old resources.
I've resently redone all the entry level 1 resources, for for el2 sessions 1-5 it's just a more complicated version of those. So was quick to do session 1 and 2. Session 3, 4&5 will take a little longer. 6 will be easy enough but 7-12 will be trickier.
Still got to make the power points which is a pain cos I don't like making power points (too fiddly).
Oh well, needs must
|
|
|
Post by shiningbright on Jul 17, 2016 10:58:12 GMT
So, I've not managed to do much work and the resources my OH needs for tomorrow aren't finished yet. However, I'm blessed, as I go another half week time extension before he starts his new project (some issues with dates and rooms at the center). So today I'm gonna clean the kitchen and do what I can.
I've also joined an online weight management support group, got about 12 lades in it and it's a daily comment, discussion thing with other women struggling with their weigth like me. So hopefully that will help to keep me motivated enough to stay on target there.
Today's tasks are:
Clean kitchen cook dinner write food/meal plan for next week clean living room (or atleast tidy it some) do what resources I can for OH (luckily I woke up with a plan for this in my head, yes I dream about work and it's useful if tiring lol, and so I kinda know what I'm doing at least)
Vex of the day: my 3 yr old keeps looking at the window asking for his day, every 3/5 minutes. Which is very cute but he's been doing it since 8am and his dad won't be home til at least 5pm (most likely later then that even). Joy of the day: I just feel happy, i'm in a good mood. My kids are amazing and my OH is coming home today :-) I also did something fun wth my har last night that my lad thinks looks cool - a Y braid! simple but fun :-)
|
|
|
Post by shiningbright on Jul 16, 2016 11:33:46 GMT
<abbr>LMFAO :-) I meant dusty perfume lol - her house always smelt of so many different perfums but they never masked the smell of dust, so it smelt like duty perfume.
But busty perfume is also a good discrition of a few people I know. I know that one wee lady we know who has a perfum that doesn't match her naturally scent, busty purfume is a avid description for her.
I actually used to use my sense of smell to try and help me in college - everyone wore so many different perfumes that I couldn't handle it in class. So I would almost drown myself in my own cheap often fruity/sweet perfumes to try and drown out any other smells (so all I could smell was myself0 but I had to chnage it up every few days else i'd get desensitised to my own perfum and it'd be moot lol. Also used it to ocver teh smell of cats and *hit from my mums house at work lol.
Oh, I know what you mean. I'd love a relaxing massage but I just can't handle the touching side of things. My OH can do but it feels weird to me. Moslty I'll relax in a tub of hot hot water lol or I'll put the hsower spray on the lowest setting (jet like i think) and stand under that for a few minutes, wiggling my body around funny ways to get the spray in the places it's needed lol :-) </abbr>
|
|
|
Post by shiningbright on Jul 16, 2016 10:57:34 GMT
So, last night instead of doing my work I did some cross stitching as a gift for my CW. I also couldn't settle and was super restless, couldn't get comfy on the sofa, wanted to be on the treadmill but was so tied I kept loosing my balance cos I've not had a proper night sleep in about 5 days. Oh well, I'm still happy. Today is all about work (she says while procrastinating on here again). I spent time with my boys this morning, food for tonight is sorted and the baby is in his playpen with toys so I can focus on work without worrying about his safety. Yet my brain is obsessing over different things - like school motos, childhood memories, the philosophical perspective of value, worth and time, and education resources unrelated to the resources I'm actually trying to make. A large part of my brain is actually debating the possibility of me become the person I want to be inside my head weight wise. Going on about if it is actually possible to go from 18 to 12 stone in a year and planning different things i need to do to do this. Another part of my brain is wanting to get up and dance which is making it very hard to focus on working cos my hips are moving and my toes tapping while I'm sat on the sofa trying to focus >_< *face palm* How am I so fat when I love to move so much? Now I'm distracted by watching my toddler problem solving (my OH 'work laptop' is old and doesn't hold itself open anymore, so he's trying different way of propping the screen up lol, using books and toy brinks he put into a tower, etc). And now I'm thinking about the next fun thing I can do with my hair - I want to put it in loads of tiny braids but that'll take forever. So maybe I should practice doing french braids, but that will take me a little while I need to focus on my work. For now it's --- forgot what i was saying... My lad just was naughty and i started shouting at him (I'm not a shouter normally, but when I do it catches everyone by surprise, even me). He's crying and I shout at him 'why'd you do that for?' and he says 'I don't know'. A part of my brain is shouting at me saying I shouldn't be shouting so I say 'do you want mummy to stop shouting? only it comes out as shouting :-( lad goes 'yes' so I take a moment to breath and do a little prayer and then when I talk, I'm talking normally and once I'm calm my lad stops crying and talks calmly too and he says sorry for his naughtiness, I say sorry for my shouting and we talk about what happened and what to do next. He's now cleaned his mess, gone toilet and when he gets back I'll give him some paper I forgot to give him earlier poor lad. Now I feel like an awful mum, but my lad is happy and is giving me hugs and has now returned from the bathroom to sit and do some drawing. And now my brain is back to my pre-tantrum state of obsessing over weight - am I really able to go from fat to thin or is that just a online gimmick? I got down to 14 stone last year and now I'm back at 18 and hating myself for it. I love fruits and veggies but when I'm outta focus I grab the unhealthy stuff first and I need to do better. Maybe if I give myself a meal plan - would I be able to stick to it? I'm terrible to sticking to plans. It is all even worth trying if I'm just gonna get fat again afterwards. But I can't stay this way, it's not good for my kids and my future - I don't want to turn into my mother!!! Oh, I really need to loose weight and build up some stamina again but whenever I try I get so distracted by my workload that I end up comfort eating or bring eating. Am I just making excuses because I don't want to change/ But I do want to change - I want to be better to be healthier. To be better you must first do better. *sigh* I'm such a damn weirdo :-( Why can't I just stick to a plan and stay on it??? My boys are playing so sweetly together, my lad just showed me the 'car' he drew and is now playing cars with the babe. They'll all smiles and laughter - maybe I'm not too terrible a mother after all :-) I really want to do some belly dancing but I think I'll just look like a pick jiggly marshmallow Lunch time and now work done again :-( I hate myself sometimes i really do ... :-(
|
|
|
Post by shiningbright on Jul 16, 2016 10:23:12 GMT
I've always had a strong sense of smell, it got way stronger when I got pregnant with my first child and has pretty much stayed super strong.
I can literately tell where my OH has been in a day just by given him a hug when he comes home, I can tell that my CW has 5 different perfums and, because I've been in her house, I know which ones I'm smelling on him (her body spray, her hallway scents, her cleaning spray from the kitchen, her shampoo and her hand soap - plus sometimes I can smell her sons body spray and her daughter perfumes lol). I can also smell what he's eaten, so he never sneaks a take away around me (he brings me one instead).
Funny story, we were driving around one time and he ask if I wanted a snack as he wanted some wings, I said 'okies, if you want' and he went and got some from the takeaway. As we were eating he's talking and just casually mentions that he had a take away on his way home from work a few nights ago which was why he wasn't hungry when he got home. I smiled and said 'oh, i know' (note, we were just chatting, no sublimnal stuff lol). He asks how I knew and i told him I could smell it on him when he came home. He was shocked and asked why I didn't say anything and that he was sorry if he hurt my feeling by not eating the food i'd cooked. I laughed and said he;d not hurt my feelings, it was a leftovers night anyway and it can just as easily be eaten for lunch as for dinner. He asked how strong my sense of smell was so I told him that I can tell where he's gone - for example, his ex has a house that always smells like busty purfume, and his kids always smell like sugared fruits and soap/shampoo. He asked if he should shower more but I said not to bother because A - what he gets upto when not home is his business, i trust him and don't sniff him to check where hes been and B i love his natural smell which returns after a change of clothes mostly. So he doens't worry anymore, bless him. It's just a quirk of mine. But, if he want's to snack on take aways instead of eat the food I make, he'll only do so on leftover evenings and he'll bring me something also lol. Bless him.
I can tell what my neighbours are cooking, I can smell when people are smoking outside (I'm a ground floor flat so people smoke by my living room or bathroom window :-(
As such, I never wear purfume anymore, I never used purfumed soap on my chidlren (water and natural oils like coconut for them, sometimes sidr leaves) and my OH only uses dove soap when he showers which doesnt give me headaches. If a shop has a purfum counter by the door, I generally won't go in lol. Not because it gives me headaches, but because it'll distract my brain so much from what I'm trying to do that I'll forget why I'm even there. Even with my cleaning stuff, i've gotten rid of a load of stuff because the smells would distract me whiel working and slow me down so I replaced them with homemade cleaning products that smell like I want them to smell and if I want the house to have a nice smell then I'll pop some bits in a pan of water and let it boil/simmer on the stove for a time and lovely, natural smells.
My OH and I joke that it's a good think I don't get jealous of my cw because he always smells like her when he comes home lol.
But I do love his natural body smell, it's so relaxing to me, like a warm hug. And when I've had 'smell overload' from perfumes in shops and such, then I will hug him and just smell is normalness and feel way better lol.
My sense are all rather strong, my sense of touch is such that I like to be touched but it has to be on my terms, if that makes sense. When I was a kid I hated being touched by anyone and wouldn't got near anyone with tons of lynix on. The slightest sound can totally distract me, and take over inside my brain which drive me nuts and i have to force myself to distractions by singing a different song. It's so weird.
One of the reasons a teacher when I was in primary school wanted me testing for autism was cos of my sensory thing. Being in a dark and quiet room on my own with natural smells is my best lol. I didn't think it could be part of ADHD, I just though I was weird lol.
|
|
|
Post by shiningbright on Jul 16, 2016 0:18:12 GMT
Shower felt nice. But the smell of my shampoo made me sick so I used the hand wash my toddler made a few days ago (fairy liquid, water and peppermint oil lol) and now I smell like a polo but I like that lol.
Off to bed now... hopefully lol. My 3 yr old is in my bed tonight so if I can't sleep then his night time cuddles and talks willentertain me :-)
|
|
|
Post by shiningbright on Jul 16, 2016 0:02:47 GMT
Yeah, I'm kinda feeling better today. I'm still rather hyper brain - not sleptnin nearly 20 hours and so drained but can't switch off and my dad says I sound drunk but I'm not, just hyper- I've done some cross stitching this evening but didn't get the work I planned to do done :-(
Still keep feeling sick but not been sick today.
I feel so much more grounded then I did yesterday where I was just so overwhelmed by everything, I went out today and it was raining and the feel of the rain seemed to sooth me back tttt a functioning level but I'm still hyper.
Troublen is I've now got one day to do four days worth of work and I'm totally kicking myself but I just can't sleep and can't focus :-(
I'm happy mind, my boy's are amazing and life is grand. Just work sucks lol.
Maybe a shower will help me relax and sleep... worth a try.
|
|
|
Post by shiningbright on Jul 15, 2016 16:51:30 GMT
I seem to be coming down from whatever weird high I've been on yesterday/today. I'm totally shattered, but I've got a logo drawn for our school, some ideas for motos and such, and ideas for policies and some curriculum subjects - only problem is not having the time to get them down on paper yet lol. They'll sit in my head sin slow cooker mode, slowly stewing and maybe improving, between now and when I'm able to get them on paper, but they'll nag the back of my brain also so I hope I can get them out soon.
I read alot of my texts and such since I 'went funny' yesterday and they are bonkers, my poor OH had no idea what I was on about more of the time and I got into a mostly one sided discussion with my dad on the perception of time and how variable it is. I also sanitised the kitchen only to then cover it in mess again within the same hour. The things I wrote on here all seem perfectly calm and rather nuteral, but I remember that last night it took me an hour to write up just one message lol. Crazy me.
All I want to do now is sleep but I'm super hungry so gonna eat first, take some rest then spend all day tomorrow doing paperwork again :-( I'll need my energy for tomorrow and all that focus required.
Had a good(ish) day today. Went to town with my boys, my OH has my keys so had to leave the door unlocked but nothing to steal here anyway lol.
My son was very charismatic as always, so confident with strangers at shops and such - My baby is more like me in a crowd. He walked home today with a new toy that was given to him for free by a kind shop worker who was smittened by him. And a free charity band/bracelet thingy from some people selling/collecting for a charity - he'd gone up to ask one lady why she was in a wheelchair! I don't know how it happens but it does. Blows my mind - even he asked me on the way home 'why do people give me things?'
But my protective mummy instincts seemed to kick in today with all these people interacting with my son and blow the proverbial cob webs outta my ears.
We bused home and now they're eating while I cook (I need something healthy/unhealthy - so I'm gonna make sausage sarnie lol).
|
|
|
Post by shiningbright on Jul 15, 2016 15:41:15 GMT
gc7 I really hope it works well for you :-) glad you've finally got something looking up for you on that score ;-)
|
|
|
Post by shiningbright on Jul 15, 2016 15:39:11 GMT
I find if asking my partners permission helps too, he almost always says yes but he makes me think about whether I need it or not. It's great having people we can trust and rely on around us, they're our best assets in a way. I don't know where I'd be without min OH :-) sharpest tool in the shed (next to rusty old me lol)
|
|
|
Post by shiningbright on Jul 15, 2016 12:34:11 GMT
I'm not sure if what I type will make sense but I'll try really hard.
I've got a headache coming on, minegraind status and I can feel it coming. But it's not my problem, my problem is what caused the headache.
My brain is fuzzy. I feel kinda disconnected from it in a way, but also everything seems so much. The tiny draft under our door feels like a huge gust of wind. Even my boy whipsers sound really loud and I can be touched much at the moment because I'm just sooverwhelmed by my senses. (My poor 3 yr old keeps telling me he loves and and hugs me and goes back to playing)
It started yesterday and that bloody fetal hospital in Leeds. The room was huge and so noisy with the smells of dentistry and hospital, compinined with pale walls and seats and uniforms but brightly coloured kids, which sent my balance off, the sound of crying and auctions and drills and drs and nurses being overly cheerful of tone (you know that high pitch tone adults use to sooth scared kids) and just when I thought we'd get a break from that room to go to the xray waiting area- they had a tiny room where every sound echoed!?!? Even whipsers echoed of the walled, sighing my baby sounded almost as loud as his cries did (he hated it there also) it was such a relief to get back outside and both my kids relaxed and calmed down (you could see the difference in them, so I'd likely have been the same). But the whole way home I felt dizzy with relief, my brain fuzzy and vague and off. I hoped sleeping would help but I couldn't quite sleep, I woke often feeling kinda paralysed from being too tired to move but yet every slight noise woke me- my lad talking in his sleep, my baby snores, a car passing in the night, etc.
Then today I woke up and we had leftovers for breakfast and Ii thought I was starting to feel better but my brain is struggling even with speech lol - I just told my son that the cat was in the car and he laughed. I was trying to say the toy car was in the pushchair.
This happens to me maybe once every few months and it can last a day or less, or a few days. in the past I've called it mmsmy brain rebooting but I've never had this group to talk to before so just wondered if it's just ooray of this? Cos I've noticed its happened three times this year (I only count Iit if it lasts longer thenone sleep cycle, it's normal ffor me ifn it happens for a few hours every few days) each lasting about 2/4 days.
It's is just part of the adhd? Like a extreme version of my daily fogs? Please advice, I'm getting freaked out by my own brain.
Side note I'm not depressed or anything, emotional I'm fine and jolly (smiling at my lad being so fascinated by bubbles) but I'm a little scared of my unfocus... my mental health is good (side question- why does a person feel they must confirm their mental health when discussing their adhd symptoms, it's unfair on tbem)
|
|
|
Post by shiningbright on Jul 15, 2016 11:35:57 GMT
Today's tasks (the main things I must do)
- town shopping and banks - cook and clean - bath boys today - shower if have time - sort at least 2 booklets out for oh lessons with PowerPoint and games (normally takes me a day to do one but today I gotta do two) - apply for at least 2-5 funding agencies today for our school business desire. - reading and writing time with my lads - pray all my namaz on time - exersize and eat healthy
|
|
|
Post by shiningbright on Jul 15, 2016 11:26:21 GMT
So looks like my oh took my keys with him went he went London cos I can't find them anywhere and they were on the same hook (I remember clearly because when I was hanging my keys up yesterday I saw his keys were there so I knew he was home and got super excited lol). Hrs not reply I g to my texts which means he probably sleeping and I have to go out anyway, no choice. But I can't go out without keys until he tells me it's okay. The front door is security locked so no one gonna get in but I wanna be safe and avoid blame lol
Yesterday was bonkers, I've still not absorbed all the memories from it all. Just so many things seemed to happened in a short space of time and I'm totally confounded.
I'm also worried about how my lads might have brains like mine (both a blessing and a curse)- my baby was so overwhelmed by everything he did what baby's can do and he cried- loudly and a lot. And the more strangers tried to calm him the louder he got. He could only be calmed when held or hugged close to my heart and or face. Which was hard as I kept being sick and was scared of dropping or hurting him while being sick :-(
Then my 3 yr old who is amazingly well behaved also has a short attention span but sometimes a long attention span. He did so well there that the Dr is sure that he won't need to be oout fully to sleep and can just have a local to get the tooth out. But he is also so fixated on everything. He turned the dentist seat into a car, the shades he didn't like and so he kept moving the light away. I can't even put my finger on anything specific because when I mention something on its own, like reaching for things, it just sounds like normal kid behaviour. But people who know my lad knows that he's not just the reach out and grab type, he alternates tween being so hyper and unfocused that he'll cry from confusing himself and then at other times he can do one thing for so long that one is amazed. For example yesterdar we came home and he some t nearly ten minutes just jumping around because he was excited to see his daddy. Then earlier in the day he spent ages brushing his teeth because he likes tickling his teeth. He can spend ages on one task then at to her times he won't focus on anything for longer then a millisecond lol.
His drawings are odd ish also. Unlike his older siblings who draw pictures of people and animals and houses and such. Mine spent ages yesterday drawing pipes. Yes pipes. Radiator pipes to be specific. Last week it was fhe printer. He says he can't draw a square yet he draws printers and phones and pipes so well.
He amazes me he really does.
|
|
|
Post by shiningbright on Jul 15, 2016 8:25:32 GMT
((Hugs)) gc7I've been following your posts and I'm so saddened h y your treatment and the hardships you faced trying to get the help you need. I sometimes thing I should get dx but I honestly don't have the emotional strength to go through what you've gone through. Yo ure very strong and brave I think. I really and sincerly hope things improve fast for you.
|
|
|
Post by shiningbright on Jul 15, 2016 8:17:32 GMT
I'm happy you've sussed it :-)
I still think it unfair that health issues, which by nature vary vastly from person to person (especially those related to mental health), are tested using tick boxes and limited scales.
But I'm happy you're okay about it now :-)
|
|
|
Post by shiningbright on Jul 14, 2016 21:17:51 GMT
Oh my word what a day what a day, glad it's bedtime lol. First I kept feeling and being sick on the way to the hospital where my 3 yr old had a dental appointment with xray (broken tooth needs removing poor lad). Anyway, so I just about get out in time dispute my alarms bi t I had the boy's ready half an hour early so I've no idea why I was running late lol. Oh well. Then on the bus I suddenly felt very sick and had to ask another passenger for a nappy bag as I'd run out :-( (those things are super helpful lol). We get to the hospital and all is Rosie, until my baby gets freckled out by all the noise (one room, 24-30am dentist booths and half the kids in them didn't want to be there) it was super loud and I could hardly focus. There were so many things going on andso much noise and just so so so much I couldn't think. Then my baby startedcrying cos he hates noisy and crowded spaces. Then my 3yr old wanted to touch and play with everything. I'm trying to calm my baby down (who is drawing a small and sympathetic crowd from his sceams) and turn back to see my lad helped himself to the mouth mirror thingy off the tray, so glad he didn't pick up the drill. I rwally wanted to pick my baby up but I was so scared I'd drop him around my sickness stuff cos it was such a confined booth and so many things he might land on Then my 3 yr old was so well behaved and so brave but also so unfocused and all over the place and it was super stressful. But it all worked out well in the end. He got lovely xray done first time, let the dentist do as needed doing. On the bus home I kept being sick still and being so tired that I actually let my boy stand up. Something I've never allowed before. Granted he was safe between my legs but still I was shocked at myself. But I needed him there to keep me awake as I was falling asleep on the bus. Them once home I had to say bye to my oh again until the weekend, Fed the boy's and clean up (so glad I did most of that this morning). I've tried eating but still feel sick, not been sick yet so I'm happy. I'm so tired and worn out and unfocused that it's taken me over and hour to write this and I can even remember what I wrote...
|
|
|
Post by shiningbright on Jul 14, 2016 12:35:17 GMT
Weirdness - I'm not prone to travel sickness at all. Heck I've got a stomach of steel. Yet today on the bus I was feeling so sick. Still do but not quite as bad. Very confusing
|
|
|
Post by shiningbright on Jul 14, 2016 8:39:57 GMT
Gah what a nightmare. I hate when things don't allow for even the most basic of variables as it's so frustrating - even the most basic of questions can have a million answers, how do they expect everyone to fit a load of stuff into three primitive answer options. Maybe you should actually give written answers to each question going into the variables and probabilities and see what happens lol. But then again health carers are such idiots these days they'd still find fault in it on your side rather then theirs can't win. I hope you the best of luck with said irksome form bless you.
|
|
|
Post by shiningbright on Jul 14, 2016 8:08:59 GMT
When I'm stressing out work and money wise I like to jot down my skills and experences in a mind map and I like to be honest but generous, as it helps me to see my 'transferable sklls'. For examples: telling my chldren what chores to do and helping them to do said chores is good management skills lol.
I also hate office politcs and have to intention to return. When my OH boss asked if I wanted a job wth them, to earn a slight wage and get an offical contract, etc. I freacked out 'nooooo!' style lol. I just knew I owuldn't be able to work as effectlivly if I actually had to deal with the people in the office. Normally when I talk to them, it's via email and under the name of my OH (I ghost write his emails lol). But I'm the sort to tell the bosses what for and I don't care about my wages so if I feel a boss is being unjust, I'll tell them even if it means I might loose my job. Everyone at work jokes that when offering my OH a contract change or new project, that they have to please me more them him. Which isn't stickly speaking true but I play to it because otherwise they'd take full advantage of my OH. Sorry... I've fully digressed there.
I never want to work again, even doing my OH emails and paperworkk spresses me out and I want to put my foot down but he really needs me.
So we've opted to go into business, self-employed. I get to work without the stresses of a wage and my OH gets to be my manager and I like that. We're planning to open a school inspired by how we home edcuate our chidlren. Just a small school, I get to enjoy the ealier days of any new project by doing an dplanning fun and educational learning actvties, then as my nterest wans and the business grows, then my job will be quality control and staff traning. So I'll only work part time. The paperwork looks complicated but it's actually very simple once seen all together - like puzzle peices.
What are your interests/hobbies? I personally think that if a person fibds a subject they are deeply pasionate about (like I have wth education), that that might be able to grow into something sustainable. Maybe you're good and crafts and can sell stuff at fairs or small shops. Maybe you can start a business around hair care or pet treatments, or maybe you're into ghost wrting, jurnalism, essays, etc. All of which you can do from home. Heck, even online tutoring is an option.
But there is nothing wrong with being a homemaker, it's as much a job as anything else (more so some might argue) - you're money worries wll pass because money is always fluid, it doesn't stay still for long. Like a river, you're is in a damn at the mnute and people can't take money from you that you don't have. They'll have no choice be to wait their turn. You could make contacts wth C.A.B. and other debt charities (CAB can best advice) who can help you. My mum had bills of over £22k but only has to pay about a fiver a week now.
|
|
|
Post by shiningbright on Jul 14, 2016 7:16:06 GMT
My brain this morning is like stepping stones. I can see the path before me, the planned steps and the ones to take but I can't seem to find my balance enough to actually take any steps.
My boy's are drawing all over my work (not the exams- they're safely in another room) and I'm not fussed cos A I cadh redo it and B at least they're not fighting while so out of it...
|
|