|
Post by shiningbright on Jul 14, 2016 7:13:37 GMT
Another Bonnie morning with ftfuzzy brain and chatty Boys lol. My lad asked m e a question and it took me several minutes and blinks i f the eye to reply with I don't know. I still don't know the answer to his question though I feel like I should, heck I can't even remember the question now lol. It's gonna plague me all day lol.
I had a good night. My oh cuddled me in his sleep (which will keep me Bonnie all week lol) and when our babe played up in the night for the 100th time (no t sure if that's an exsaudratiom or not, probably lol) he asks me ' is that what's he's like every night' which shows he's starting to understand why I'm so tired lol - my baby refuses to sleep that night long though he can when he wants too. He just wakes for attention.
I need to cook breakfast, get everyone's teeth brushed (glad I've got boys and don't need to worry about brushing hair lol, mine often goes days tween brushes) then wake oh at 9 to start the day.
Con - when I had the chance to talked to my oh last night a out emotions and pent up thoughts I kinda blew him off saying it's not important. Now I don't think well get a change today as we're both in and out all day. I could kick myself.
|
|
|
Post by shiningbright on Jul 13, 2016 23:16:20 GMT
It's all fear mongering and puppetshows and distractions. Parlement, TM, DV heck even TB are all just puppets, mascots at a game or show that keep eyes diverted and touunges waggling.
Personally i don't care who voted leave or stay or ommited to vote. I experienced racism before and after the vote, I experienced some form of discrimination before and after becoming part of an official minority group (aka before I became muslim) and, as mi ch as I don't like it, I experience some form of discrimination when I look at to her people because I am human and flawed and make unjust unkind judgements as much as anyone else. The trick is to not act on them.
The most powerful experience around discrimination I have is from when I was 19, years before Islam became a part of my life. When I lived Iin the streets and people would see me different from my new peers because of how I dressed and spoke and looked. I didn't look like a homeless person, I was often asked if I was a social worker or carer. Then when I was with staff members who were meant to treat all of us equally, I found that I could get away with more, rules could be adapted for me because of discrimination in my favour (basically I had no criminal record and wasn't drunk or drugged up so that somehow meant I was more trustworthy and m ore deserving than others). I didn't realise much at the time, but I've learnt since then.
What I've learnt is that is doesn't matter. Discrimination doesn't matter. Because it's just an illusion, a distraction. A society devided is a society weakened and what batter way to devide a people but to pit them against one another, to label them based on colour or culture or health needs etc. It's all poppy clock and if you voted leave because you thought it was best for our shared economy then good for you for doing what you felt was right.
I don't think we need to worry about another hitler/Nazi regime coming up (though in truth sometimes I do wonder) because we're not as ignorant as people were then. We have more information available to us and were more aware of our societies histories there our historic peers were. So I don't think we'd all just turn a blind eye to Nazis even if thr y were here (I hope that makes sense).
I don't love my country. I don't give three flying rats tails about the flag or that Bonnie wee queen (I do like her voice mind lol)- i love humanity and all it has to offer and for all its flaws. I love my naighbours. I've got more then 7billion brothers and sisters and I think that's awesome.
Just think. Even in the Nazi regime, no one really knew what was happening until it happened by which time lack of knowledge, fear mongering, distrust anddesperation and probably shock left a people confused and afterwards victimised as criminals because they lost the war and so the history's are written from the winners side- way easier to paint everyone wi th the same brush then lol.
((Hugs))
|
|
|
Post by shiningbright on Jul 13, 2016 22:27:30 GMT
Oh dear, I couldn't read and not respond yet I'm sorry to say I have nothing of any worth to actually say but that I emphasise and I sincerely hope and pray that thinks improve for you ((hugs))
|
|
|
Post by shiningbright on Jul 13, 2016 18:31:28 GMT
I've had a great day today. Alhamdullilah.
It was a hard and slow morning, but by about 5pm I was able to focus. Did the last tiny bits of exam stuffs. Then cleaned the kitchen, took the bins out, cleaned the bathroom, tidied up (a little) and the livingroom and (alot in) the bedroom, hoovered, mopped, cooked and sorted laundry out. All without loosing my temper at my boys once :-) I've stayed so calm through it and I'm very happy.
Even when my toddler was trying to clean the toilet (he's a thumb sucker so it scared me alot), I stayed calm and gave him some salt and lemon so he could 'clean' the shower tiles while I sorted the toilet. ANd then sent him to get some water while I qucikly fnished the tiles with soap and sponge. They've been listening to me better aswell, which also helps to keep me calm.
Every ten minutes my lad was asking when his dad would get home and hasn't left his side since he did get home lol (they've just nipped out together to pick the older children up from madrassa), so he's having a great day also.
Only two tantrums all day - once when I was unfocused and fuzzy this morning and he wanted me to play with him. He got upset and we did some writing and drawing together while baby napped. Then this afternoon when baby tried to helped take clothes out of the tumble dryer and my 3 yr old wanted to do it by himself without help. So i gave the baby a bottle to bang about while we worked lol. So, good day :-)
And my OH is here, only for today but still I'm grateful.
Cons - I've got a tooth infection and the dentist I was meant to see yesterday is ill and there aren't any appointments til 23rd. So I've taken some painkillers (not something I do lightly) and will see it through. Also, my sense of smell is on the friztch again so the food I cooked that normally spells nice is making me feel sick so I'll likely end up skipping dinner tonight. I don't mind, I can have some steam veggie snacks.
I'm starting to kinda come down off my high now a little, I can feel myself slowing down and my eyelids getting heavier, but I'll try to make it through 'til this evening :-)
|
|
|
Post by shiningbright on Jul 13, 2016 9:07:13 GMT
Does anyone else go to bed at night and tell themselve when I wake up I'll do this and that and such and it all makes sense and seems so easy yet once morning comes they can barely focus enough to put the kettle on? Mornings are my bane lol,,, oh well what'cha'gun'do lol Yeah, weird huh? Very weird, I can;t fathom it. Before I go to bed, in my head, I plan to wake up with my boys, make breakfast, do nappies, and pop on the treadmill for five minutes and still have loads of time for plan and communication with the boys. Yet every morning I struggle to get out of bed and have my kids playing on me more then with me and breakfast always comes in two parts: the fruit/snack based first part that I give them before I'm safely able to operate cultery, and then a 'propper' breakfast of porrage or toast or eggs or whatever. The 2nd part can be as much as an hour or two after we wake up. I always feel so gulty. Like right now I've been awake for two hours, I was just aout to make breakfast when i got a phone call and that distracted me until just now when i thought I'd quickly finish writing this. My kids aren't starving, not by any means, they've had some busicuiits and some fruits and milk, but they're not the best breakfasts in the world poor lads. My brain feels like fuzz or something, like it's fizzy or drunk. I remember once getting drunk when i was younger and hating it because I was still me but my mouth wasn't closed, so every thought in my head came out and it was a mess. My head always feels heavy and fuzzy and something, especially in the morning. So hard to focus on stuff sometimes. Playing with my kids helps but I can't do my work and play at the same time alas ;-( Oh well, I'm not unhappy just fuzzy lol. Maybe we'll all feel better after breakfast - I think I need a cupatea but I know it doesn't make any difference lol :-)
|
|
|
Post by shiningbright on Jul 12, 2016 23:45:31 GMT
Finally finished the exam papers. Well in truth I have three more sheets thag just need some dates and codes added but I had to print them off and I'm too tired to do them now so they'll take 5 minutes in the morrow.
Not rest for the wicked mind.
I had a great time out with my boys, they loved the play area and I even got to jump on a trampoline which was super fun lol.
Also did some drawings of the possible logo for our school/business which was relaxing.
Too bed now them to work again tomorrow. In the morning put the house to rights and cook for the evening. Then get on with some play with the boy's and after lunch back to work for the resources for my OH who looks to be starting his next project next week. So he needs those asap bless him.
My OH will hopefully be coming home tomorrow and here for the weekend :-) i can't wait. I've not kept to the deadlines we planned but he'll not mind.
Does anyone else go to bed at night and tell themselve when I wake up I'll do this and that and such and it all makes sense and seems so easy yet once morning comes they can barely focus enough to put the kettle on? Mornings are my bane lol,,, oh well what'cha'gun'do lol
|
|
|
Post by shiningbright on Jul 11, 2016 22:41:50 GMT
Thanks @vaugeandrandom
My GPS are all so vague. They listen I my when it suits them and I also find he depends on the time of day and day of the week.
I've alsso not got the confidence for the stigma. I face enough stigma everyday without adding some space for authori ties to doubt my mental capacities (I know thats not what adhd is all about but others dont)
I'm also so scared of the dreaded Social services. I get so many threats from HV and Midwives, and even sure start all wanting me to do things their way else I'd be ref flagged by social services. I don't have the confidence to add more fuel to their fire.
I'm a good mum and I know it. I may forget to feed myself but my children's needs are always met. Clean clothes, Clean bodies, well fed (they eat so muchiit's unreal lol) and they get to do science experiments and home education tailored to their needs.
But I've lost all trust in GPS and Midwives and health visitors now after my various experiences that I'll not risk it.
It must be nice though, not being so alone with it. Most people just see me asa freak or wweirdo. My kids and my OH don't and that's enough for me :-)
|
|
|
Post by shiningbright on Jul 11, 2016 22:33:28 GMT
A common misunderstanding about ADHD is that it's like an illness, like a reoccurring infection. Many think that like antibiotics, medications for adhd can cure or suppress the ADHD from a person either for lo fe or temporarily.
Rather it's a case of different people have different needs.
Personally I have opted for an undx, medication free approach. But I have noticed patterns to my days that can help me and habits that can hinder me.
I've also found and or created strategies to use my adhd to my advantage. But when I crash I crash hard, tears and tantrums, the lot lol.
My point is there is no one way does all, no golden goose, it's not curable only manageable and even strategies in place one day might need to be adapted or replaced another day.
You can only do what is best for you and your needs at the end of your day :-)
|
|
|
Post by shiningbright on Jul 11, 2016 22:27:09 GMT
Have the two of you thought of maybe trying family counselling? Not to air views but to break barriers and help you guys find ways of communicating effectively for all parties. Once communication is fix then you'll be able to find ways of helping each other out more.
Talking from the perspective of a crazy and irresponsible youth (I've 27 now and a lot can happen in a few years) it's hard sometimes trying to fish though the emotions and pressures and going from school/teenager to adulthood is actually a huge culture shock for more teens these days.
Once he is able to find himself amonsgt all the crazy, then he and you will have abetter understanding of if his needs are physical, mental, emotional or developmental/social. If that makes sense.
Give him love and pacience (it's hard sometimes I know) and give him time to learn to trust himself and feel comfortable in himself without the pressures of labels. Then if you/he finds that labels can be applied in the future it can make the process smoother and more supportive.
That's merely my perspective. Being a loving parent is such hard work sometimes, but they're so worth it.
|
|
|
Post by shiningbright on Jul 11, 2016 21:55:18 GMT
Well, I'm well and truely shattered lol. Most of the exam papers are done, just got to organise them and pack them and add the odd last date or code to some of them. Will take about and hour or two to do, inshaallah, and I want to try and sleep. So i'll finish it off tomorrow.
I'm also going to go out tomorrow, to a indoor chidlren soft play that a ten minute walk. My lad is so excited he was telling the sun to come so we can go and he doesn't want to sleep lol. It'll do us all good to get out and have some running around. Then come home, get back to work and then cook lol. Nice day out and a nice break inshaallah ;-)
I also wrote a nice todo list today about the things that I've not fnished that are nagging in the back of my brain, uncompleted tasks and such, hopefully that will help me focus a little. I've also written a little reminder goals note for this week and a list of things I want to talk to my OH about when he gets back.
The latter is a little embaressing as I'm not normally the cort to complain, but I'm sure he'll understand. He always tells me to get it out as best as I can and then clean it up afterwards, he's so pacient with me ;-)
Rightio, nightie night
|
|
|
Post by shiningbright on Jul 11, 2016 10:58:35 GMT
I've not planned to ask, when I was 21 and close to loosing my job and home I went to the Dr for help and was labeled (by a nurse, the DR didn't even see me) and depressed and she gave me tablets fort hat which I didn;t take as I wasn;t depressed. I said I wanted to be tested for mild autism or ADHD or something, I told her that my moods are fine it's my brain in on a different frequency to everyone else. Btu she wouldn't have it and got quite rude so I lost my job and house and spent some time in counseling and visiting a mental health center, more to get me out of bed really. I was happy just stressed and overwhelmed and once free from the pressures I was able to do my own thing again and everything come up roses.
I told myself that i can deal with things alone and that Drs are useless (which my experience has always proven alas) and left it at that.
But what happens if someone finds a Dr who actually listens to their patients (diamonds in the rouge I know, but they must exist)? Do they do tests or forms or other stuff. Are authorities like social services (every parents nightmare) or such involved, etc.?
|
|
|
Post by shiningbright on Jul 11, 2016 10:43:53 GMT
I found when it comes to online grocery shopping, then I'm less likely to waste money as it's done using my OH card (it's much harder to waste his money then my own lol). I pretend that I don't have paypal so as to avoid that and I purposely avoid online shopping for anything other then groceries.
I also make sure to ask my OH permission to buy XYZ, please don't think he's controlling, I personally find that asking him helps me to see if I really need it or not as he'll ask me why I want it. He never says no to me but he does ask me if I really need it. If anything, he's the one who pushes me towards some shopping, like I only buy one pair of shoes and I'll wear them until they're little more then rags on my feet lol, so he often reminds me to buy shoes if I need them.
i don't listen to muslic much and that saves me money and I make sure to not connect my phone to my play store so I can't waste money there either lol.
I also don't watch TV so I don't waste money on that.
My bane is takeaways. I'll get so worn out and tired by the end of the day that I don't want to cook and will get a nseeky takeaway (I'm ashamed to admit it) to give myself some ease but then I always regret is afterwards. It's my own fault, I forget to eat all day long then by the tme it's time to cook and eat I'm too tred and will each something fatty instead. I hate myself for doing this but yet I do it anyway.
I always remember my boys meals, but sometimes I feed them lunch a little late. But they have free access tot he fruit bowl so they don't seem to mind or complain. Poor lads.
|
|
|
Post by shiningbright on Jul 11, 2016 10:19:29 GMT
Great, now the kids are playing up because i won't play with them (I'm trying to work) and it's distracting me so much poor lads. I feel such a crappy mum :-(
They normally play happily by themselves for an hour or so, while I work and talk to them, but today they don't seem to want to do so... Probably teething or something,t hey're very clingy today ...
|
|
|
Post by shiningbright on Jul 11, 2016 9:44:09 GMT
Reoccurring concern, my OH doesn't think I need to worry about it, but we're planning to open a business/school together. I'll be doing pretty much everything to start with, until we have enough money to hire more staff and then my OH can quit his job and take over for me. but even then, I'll still be working part time at the company as a kind of staff trainer and quality checker. I've very particular about the kind of service we will offer and my OH isn't as confident in that area as I am. He said that over time, he hopes to be able to hire a ghost writing of sorts to do the curriculum so that I can return to being mother first. Until then I have to put alot of work in, something I am used to doing but not used to being able to keep up for long periods of time. The only jobs I've successfully held for longer then a year in the past was nannying, when I didn't have to work with anyone else lol. Whenever I had a job in the past, I'd get lots of positive comments, great references but just couldn't stay for long for whatever reason. Work and me just don't get along. I don't want to let anyone down by failing at this :-(
Whenever I tell my OH he says I needn't worry so long as I talk to him. Because he'll be my manager, he says, and if I fail it's because he failed me. So if I struggle or get overwhelmed by anything I should tell him, he'll tell me what needs to be prioritised and focused on more and will help me to organise myself as I'm not good at self organisition. To him it's not a concern and I'm so grateful for his trust and confidence in me. i just wish I could be so sure of myself. but I'm a stubborn lass and i hate not trying, so I'll give it all I have and hope that my OH will be able to help me when I get stuck.
|
|
|
Post by shiningbright on Jul 11, 2016 9:38:35 GMT
I've been keeping a close eye on this thread, I imagine one of the bonuses of getting diagnoisis is help with such matters. I'd much rather be a sahm, I'm not good in the working market. But my OH and i are planning to open a business/school together. And it's a concern of miine that i won't be as useful over the long haul as is hoped. Work and me just don't get along very well :-(
I hope you can get the help you need ;-)
|
|
|
Post by shiningbright on Jul 11, 2016 9:25:22 GMT
How is it that I've worked so long and yet gotten so little done?!? I'm barely half way though my exam paperwork, aall the exams are marked, but the sheets that require different sets of details is taking a much longer time then expected, even after I put it all on one table/spreedsheet for ease. It's just so fidderly. Instead, yesterday, my brain was busy: - puzzling out the dress code/uniform policy for the school I'm hoping to open. - in awe of my son who loves writing and drawing but only when he can do so with me, he likes the interactions - feeling like I must appoligise to the people in my life who I hurt in my teen crazy years. I managed to do plenty of writing and reading and talking with my boys. I rang my mum and thanked her for the good stuff she did for me (I'm always trying to forget aboutt he bad stuff) and told her that I love her. I rang a old friend of the family from school/church, who'd known me since I was about 6 I'm guessing. I never knew what love towards me, or what a loving married relationship looked like until I met this family, they're so close to my heart but I'd never had a chance to thank them and to say sorry for the disrespect I gave them when I was a rebellious teenager, so I did that yesterday and had a lovely conversation with her. They're ill and live too close to my mum for me to see them very often, but I'll have to ask my OH to take us over when next he can, they haven't met my youngest yet bless them. And I think I puzzled out the dress/uniform policy for the school quite well. Enough for me to be able to write it down (later, after exam papers) and start focusing on other aspects for he school - mainly my brain is now working on the curriculum for subject 'art and design'. I'm struggling so hard to block out the sounds of my children playing to focus on my work, they seem to loud and OTT but I know, rationally, that they're playing the same as ever poor lads. And the mess in the living room keeps interrupting my concentration also. I could hardly sleep last night I was so stressing over my planned deadlines going over - i had hoped to have these exams sorted by Saturday, then work for the resources/curriculum my OH needs for work next week this week, there after focus on the school stuff. also have a plan for a development recourse for my little kids, so I can see where they are at and what they need help with, it's all planned out in my head but I've not got the time to out it to paper lol. So I text my OH last night and he said not to worry, just do what I can and work one step at a time until I reach my goals. He said not to give up. I also want to make myself some motivational posters - like I used to do in college - some of my favourite quotes from the Quran, and something I keep telling myself lately "to be better, you must first do better." And that's nagging in the back of my head. I'm happy now though, talking to my OH last night has helped to relax and unstress a little bit, but I'm still sad about my time keeping skills. I'm so glad that my cowife wants to take on more of these papers on the next round, I'll be too busy by then with the school to do these (I can't do both at the same time), and she wants to prove that she can do also. I don't mind, I'm not proud lol. Anyway, back tot he grind stone lol :-)
|
|
|
Post by shiningbright on Jul 11, 2016 8:33:54 GMT
I also swt alarms on my calendar, do mobile banking so i can check ny available funds when out and about and prefer using cash to credit.
I also refuse point blank to get a credit card because the risk is too great for me.
|
|
|
Post by shiningbright on Jul 11, 2016 8:32:47 GMT
Oh bless you. I can understand and relate. My OH and I have two sets off money and mine is for my bills that he can't pay for me and then if I need for food then I can ask. But I actually should be able to save anywhere from 200-400 quid a month, heat each Month that's not been saved and I don't know what I could be spending it on.
Actually I do know and I hate myself for it but I can't seem to control myself. But this post is about you, not me.
The normal advice for someone without adhd would be to sit down, plan and scrip and save and move stuff around. But I found that app rich quite useless and over complicated, what i find most useful is having someone else help me when it comes to organising money. Maybe your partner, a parent or even your daughter if she's old enough. If you turned you finances into family finances that you might find having others to help and remind you helpful.
That would depend on if they're worthy of such responsibility and trust naturally.
Shopping in my bane and I'd much rather leave it to my OH but if he did the shopping would never get done lol, and going shopping is pretty much my only time outside in the week so even though I'd rather order online I don't want to give up on my outings- even though I hate shopping.
|
|
|
Post by shiningbright on Jul 10, 2016 14:04:04 GMT
Since realising that I most probably have ADHD, I find that after meeting people I dwell, even more than usual, on what I have said and whether or not I interrupted too much, monopolised conversation, spoke about ADHD too much, etc. It can make normal interaction rather difficult! I'm the same, often spendind hours questioning myself. I tell my OH everything when I'm out with people, so it helps me to relax afterwards (a little) and he likes to be a part of my life which is very helpful for me. Then i can ask if what i sad was okay or not.
|
|
|
Post by shiningbright on Jul 10, 2016 10:23:24 GMT
Thank you @vaugeandrandom I'm so glad I'm not alone. I used to think I was just lazy or broken or stupid or something like that.
I'd never tell my family, heck I didn't even tell them I was having my 2nd son til after his birth that how little I can talk to my family lol.
And then ib have no friends so I feel a little lonely sometimes. Having this forum just helps me to organise my brain a little more, so I can push through with the stuff as needs doing.
Lol, I just thought, the forum is my penseive lol :-)
|
|
|
Post by shiningbright on Jul 10, 2016 8:03:39 GMT
Does anyone else have no one to talk to about their ADHD?
If it wasn't gffor this forum, I'd have likely given up in this recent few weeks as IIve had a tough time of things.
I'm undiagnosed and I'm not planning on getting a diagnosis. But I haven't ever spoken to anyone in my family about actually having ADHD. Anymore than to say to my dad and my OH that 'if I was to seek a diagnosis then I'd get one without too much drama.'
My dad is the most like me, I think I got it from him, but he doesn't believe in ADHD. To him it's just a term coined by psychologist to explain people who don'tffit in the tick box if normal modern life.
My OH respects that I struggle juggling stuff and focusing but he sees it as me not having good focusing or time management skills. To him ADHD is a social/cultural issue, not a health/psychological one. I know he'd support me if I wanted a diagnosis because he loves me unconditionally, but to him ADHD is about people being labeled as broken just because society/culture has developed a set of norms that aren't in toe with their unique skill set (if that makes sense) - basically all ADHDers have a special set of skills that aren't valued in society anymore so they get labeled and medicated when really they just need a different approach to the same tasks, "same set o f shelves, different set of tools". He doesnt see it as a problem of the person but a problem of society (that this group of people get pushed aside cos they can't function as well in normal society). But he also sees that there are a set of ADHDers that are closer to having autism and those he can understand, he sees adhd as a mild form of autism which is a condition he both respects and fears because he's had students with mild autism and has a little experience of that.
All the crazy in my head star us there cos I literally can't get it out.
Is anyone else alone with their ADHD?
|
|
|
Post by shiningbright on Jul 9, 2016 23:33:51 GMT
So it's half past midnight and I'm so so so tired but just can't seem to switch off and sleep. My eyes are hurting and itch and my body is blah but I just can't switch off. I'm hoping a shower will help but that involves taking these plaits out >_< sod brishing it til tomorrow though lol and gotta find a towel in the dark to wrap my hair in while i sleep without waking the boy's...
|
|
|
Post by shiningbright on Jul 9, 2016 23:31:14 GMT
Bless you, I hope you get better results in the future. You're braver then me, I'd not even be able to stand up to a Dr (I can stand up if it's about my OH or kids, but not about me lol) so good on you. I really hope your Dr learns how to be more understanding and listen more, I often say the Drs need to learn how to listen to their patient's more.
|
|
|
Post by shiningbright on Jul 9, 2016 23:26:59 GMT
Holding for the best for you :-)
|
|
|
Post by shiningbright on Jul 9, 2016 21:29:31 GMT
@vaugeandrandom I'm glad I'm not alone, it's so hard sometimes to connect with people, to build bonds. I am very friendly and open, I am like a safe when it comes to other peoples information (secrets and such) but when it comes to my personal stuff I don't consider my own history too personally - I feel that if people can access all my info that they might want too, then gossip and fake tales are less likely.
We never went out, but I didn't get much work done either. i was getting so fuddled with all the different spreed sheets and tables and little details in so many different places, that I spent time putting all the info I needed on one sheet so I can just use what I need to. Then i spent time playing and having fun with my boys.
@elle11 --- My OH has more then one woman. I've been getting alot of grief lately, that I'm not used too, so I'm a tad deffensive, so I'll brefly explain that we're not breaking any laws, we're in a happy polygamous relationship which works for us and we're happy. It's a different lifestyle and it's not for everyone, but it's a wonderful part of our life. I love my cowife like my own sibling, to me she is my sister. And I love her children as I love my own, and my children call her mother also. All the children love each other and love being together. My cowife has been unwell a lot lately so I've given my OH permission to give her some extra time with her that he would normally spend with me, I miss him but I understand that my cowife has needs and I trust that she'd do the same thing for me if I should ever need it. She lives a long way away which is causing hardships as her family, who were kind to start with, started talking about each of us behind our backs and it has caused her a lot of upset and confusion, so she's become a little distant of late. But I still adore her and I hope she'll come back to us soon. If you have any questions feel free to ask, I only ask that you ask politely and respectfully as I've had a lot of abuse about it lately and it's made me a little shy. Sorry :-)
|
|
|
Post by shiningbright on Jul 9, 2016 10:03:44 GMT
I marked all the exams, there were two sets of about 100, so it took some time.
Now I need to fill out some forms (that I've never had to do before, in the past the company has always done it but now I have too - he boss hasn't spoken to me in a while, probably doesn't want to get a telling off, I'm not as shy of telling them what I think as my OH is), which is two simple sheets of paper per student but it'll take longer then doing the exams because I've got to find in different databases (not all in one) DoBs, refrence numbers, start dates, etc. Very vexing.
I really hope to get it finished today so that tomorrow I can focus on the resources I need to make and updated for next week.
Then next week I can focus on the school, which will never get off the floor without me.
I'm still a little bitter about my workload, but nothing can be done about it without disruption tot he family, so I've just got to keep going and do what I can.
I am adament to take the time out today to take my boys out for an adventure, maybe on a bus (weather isn't great for a trip to the park), so they can run arround and don't feel all cooped up inside the house.
Trouble is I'm struggling to focus 'cause all I can think about is my boys, the school we want to open and how much I miss my OH 9he;s away this weekend) and how lonely i feel...
I had friends but I feel betrayed by two of them - one who used me to manipulate her husband and caused hm upset (he's the best friend to my OH and he's had loads of hardship, he doesn't deserve this), one who forgets about me for months at a time no matter how often I try to contact her and only replies when it suits her, and one who used to be like a sister to me but she let her family persuade her that we shouldn't be friends and has turn everything tween us into a competition. I feel so sad about it.
it's not easy for me to make friends, i'm not a social person. When people meet me they think I am, because i'm friendly and self-confident and happy to talk on any subject but really, finding friends who actually value my compnay for more then the 'she's weird but funny' side line is so hard I gave up years ago. And people just tired me out, I can't focus in a room full of people, it's all so overwhelming but when I'm in a small group of people, there are so many distractions that I can't focus then either.
My OH doesn't understand my need for company sometimes, he thinks he's odd because he's seen me after I've been in the company of even one person for an hour and how tired and emotional I am, he thinks ' why put yourself through that'. Can't win lol: damned if I do or don't...
Other then that I'm fine, procrastinating rather then working but I'll get around to it.
My dad gave me the worst advice the other day - If it's not as fun as the stuff inside your head then just leave it too tomorrow, who cares. I was so vexed with him, I have people who reply on me, people who need me. He has no one who relies on him, not even me as he left when I was a toddler, so he can do whatever the hell he wants with his life but if I don't do my work then it has a knock on effect within the household (same as if other members of the family don't pull their weight - part of being a family). I just replied with 'tomorrow never comes, it's always today' but boy did it vex me... Different perspectives I guess.
|
|
|
Post by shiningbright on Jul 9, 2016 8:44:02 GMT
Mind are good, I used them an age ago, when I was struggling with everything (lost my job and was close to loosing my house), they helped me sort my bills out and helped me handle phone calls. They also gave me somewhere to go for some company, 'cause I lead a rather solitary life and back then it wasn't helpful to my needs.
I hope all goes well for all of you ;-)
Yeah @vaugeandrandom, the MPs are like dust in the wind lately, but they will sort themselves out soon enough. I don't even know who my MP is anymore...
|
|
|
Post by shiningbright on Jul 7, 2016 19:14:21 GMT
Funny story - I talked to my dad today to seek his advice. He is like me in how he thinks so many things and alternates tween highs and lows of focus and energy. He's been in the world longer then me and has adapted his whole life to match his uniqueness.
He's a market man/euntrpanee (I often joke he's a Dell boy and he doesn't disagree lol). He travels around the fair's and markets of the southern states of America, selling stuff he buys on his adventures in China and the same. He has tons of inventions and has started more then a dozen different businesses in the last few years bless him. He understands my brains quirks in ways no one else in my family does (I likely inherited it from him lol).
Anyway, Sorry I digress, so today I ask him for his advice. I'm trying to focus on exams but my brain is running at hyper speed on a completely different track, I'm so buzzed by this new thought train but I'm also pai fully aware of the work I'm meant to be doing. So I ask him what does he do to get back on track when his brain does this, hoping maybe for some wisdom or advice I might might helpful or distracting.
Well, The funny part now, He laughs and says he wishes he knew because he's got the same problem now lol. Hrs meant to be preparing for his next market but instead all he can think aboutis the marketing and production plans of his latest business scheme.
I found it really funny.
And now back to the jolly essays :-)
|
|
|
Post by shiningbright on Jul 7, 2016 18:04:23 GMT
Hi, just wanted to send you some hugs and love... You're a stronger person then me, I'm not even gonna bother trying to fight for a diagnosis, I don't have the emotional energy to do so. So well done you and I'm prayer for you (and all those who have similar struggles).
It's not an ideal option - and depending on your confidence levels - if you keep facing barriers, you could try contacting a sympathetic media outlet and 'selling' you're sorry or experience. I could never do it personally, but I'm a brush it under the carpet sort.
Alternatively, you could try writing a letter to your local Mp/counselor - it's their job to make sure that matters of important or being dealt with properly in their constituency, so f you don't get the outcomes you need through normal chances, you can tell them and they can work in part towards correcting roots in their constituency.
Those aren't ideal options, but they're maybes depending on your needs/desires.
I raise my hat to you for all you are facing *hugs*
|
|
|
Post by shiningbright on Jul 7, 2016 17:47:09 GMT
Hi all, Hope I'm not a eyesore or anything by posting again. Sorry if I am, I just have no where else I can talk/vent about my crazy brain without being treated like a freak. At least here we can all relate on some level, we all struggle with our focus/attention. And ultimately that's why I'm here.
So, today has been a good day emotionally. I feel like I've done so much but have nothing physical to show for it.
I relaxed in the morning with my boys. Then viewed a house with my OH (where the vender directed most of her conversation to me because she didn't care how I dressed or the assumptions around Muslim couples - her experience is that the woman is always incarge even if the men don't realise it). She made me laugh bit the house was no good. I really prefer the one we saw the other day.
In the afternoon I took my kids to a local play area in the council estate behind me (best thing about council estates is access to play areas lol), they had fun but lots interest when other kids came toplay (my boy's are super social with adults but with other kids they just stand and stare). We had fun and enjoyed the sun. Then nipped to the shop after.
Just put the boy's to bed early so I can work on some exam papers tonight. Hopefully I'll be able to mark them tonight then organise them tomorrow night and I'll take a nap during the day tomorrow to help with my energy levels.
Had a chat with my OH today about being overworked and stressed. He helped me feel better and we worked together to make a plan of action where he told me if I don't manage the time frame he'll understand but that I should try without stressing myself out.
He also told me that in the coming weeks he might be able to take some of the workload off me from his current employment so I can focus on kids and school. My cowife and her eldest say they want to help out more and he also things I should get some monetary reward for my hard work - though what I need money for I don't know lol. It's the thought that counts.
He was and is always very supportive. I'm very blessed.
I've picked up some chocolate to give me a small dopamine boost to help me to these exams. Once I can focus they're super easy to mark ('cause I've memorised the answer booklet) but only if I can focus. So boys to bed, a drink and some food then I'll hopefully be able to focus. We shall see.
Might as well use my hyper focus stuff to my advantage if I can.
|
|