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Post by jan on Jan 28, 2013 11:31:07 GMT
feel for you - have felt as your feeling now many many times in the past. I'm no expert on add as my daughter was only diagnosed 4 years ago and its only been the past year I have really been researching it; since researching have realised that i have it as well (definately) but can't handle a battle with authorities to get diagnosed at present as have too much to deal with with my daughter.
I do know about alcoholism and anxiety and depression though and wonder if you may be suffering with any of these conditions as well as your add? (if you get your diagnosis - but I think we already know before that that we have it) they are all whats called 'comorbid' conditions, meaning co - existing problems that often develop in people with add.
for me I had to stop drinking many years ago now and found it really hard to do so and needed the help of alcoholics anonymous I would behave in way you talk about in your post and feel same as you describe morning after but eventually would just carry on drinking so would end up not feeling anything and if anyone ever pulled me up about my behaviour my answer was always '- - - yeah I was pissed' which to me meant I wasn't responsible for my behaviour. Eventually i ended up only drinking alone as I was so anxious I couldnt trust how I would behave and I also became very agressive.
Only you can dedide if you are drinking alcoholicaly, and why as could be how you handle your anxiety - if you do have an anxiety problem only you will know that as well.
A good book on add is delivered from distraction - edward m hallowell and he has chapter in there 'add, addictions, and a new use of the 12 steps' also if you don't feel problem is bad enough to contact a.a. there is another book 'almost alcoholic - is my (or my loved one's) drinking a problem' robert doyle (i bought it at a add conference) which has lots of questions and answers and stuff and is written as part of a series specifically to address problems falling in the spectrum between normal health and full blown conditions. He mentions add and he councells patients with add .
As for add medication - i don't know and my daughter doesn't take hers but when she was a young teen another teen who was taking ritolin told her that drinking on top of the ritalin was ace as it got you off your face but i don't know if that was just teen talk so may not be true., others on this site would know that. Also a good clue to suss if you may have any of these comorbid conditions is if other members of your family seem to have them as this is often the case. Hope all this has been a help, and that you are feeling better soon. xxx
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Post by jan on Jan 25, 2013 8:51:11 GMT
sirci did you get the p.m. i sent you the other day?
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Post by jan on Jan 24, 2013 11:05:46 GMT
sirci did you receive the p.m. i sent you ?
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Post by jan on Jan 24, 2013 9:14:25 GMT
dint know what happened then must of pressed something and hadn't finished' as was saying re homeopathic med tried that as would be easy to swallow but she wouldn't take it anyway. I understand that she needs to be on meds I have bucketsfull of it here but she wont take it.
She has appointment coming up at complex care team as when she was discharged from cahms there is no adult adhd service in our area and her psychiatrist said she thinks that would be best option but its with a psychologist not psychiatrist so am preparing to go to that with her and insist on refer all to the maudsley. (unfortunately after months of phone calls trying to sort that appointment i got day wrong and we missed it!!!! so waiting for another one now! but then i think whats the point if we sort counseling out from it she wont go! am just hoping by the time she gets seen at the maudsley once i nag them into the refer all she'll be going on 20 and hopefully will have started to take responsibility for herself by then!
I am just exhausted with it all I really don't want to live with her anymore its not even all the sorting i do for her that have just talked about as well as lost phones lost oysters lost money lost student id cards - i understand all that have had all those prob myself and still do sometimes its the constant arguing and personal attacks and shouting and swearing at me and blame that she puts on me saying all that i just couldn't kick her out - without me she's got no one. when she sees the psychologist can they say she's vulnerable adult? i have no idea how to Skye by the way.
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Post by jan on Jan 24, 2013 8:47:17 GMT
thanks for reply darknightslover and kathymel. I was really down yesrerday as she'd kicked off again night before, feeling more togethet today but really helped reading your replys last night, always feel so alone with all this as friends that have just don't get it really and think add is load of bollocks (even though they don't actually say that).
I have tried to educate her as i've been going along educating myself, took her to the addis confrence in october, bought loads of books (which she hasn.t bothered reading ) including succeeding with adult adhd - (abigail levrini) and delivered from distraction (edward hallowell) add frindly ways to organise your life (judith kolberg) amongst others. Got loads news letters from addis and have taken her to addis office to talk to them there few times (its them that are helping to represent her at college disciplinary next month
Have also taken her to few of the simply well being expert adhd talks that are on once month in london and have had meeting in college. explained add to them especially difference with girls, as they didnt have a clue which resulted in the college giving whole dept training in add which doesn't unfortunately seem to have made any difference to the teachers understanding and i think they all think its bollocks as well and now i have made a complaint that the training was not comprehensiive enough and am waiting to hear their response. Have also got her a mentor from sen dept at college and she is supposed to see her at end of every day when she's there but she just forgets and doesn't go. Have emailed the mentor and explained that she will forget and could she go to her but she hasn't done so and hasn't replied'
.And have got her someone who is paid to sit with her in class and help her with her work although understandably they are getting pissed off as they are paying this person and then a lot of the time my daughter doesn't turn up!
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Post by jan on Jan 24, 2013 8:12:19 GMT
hi im parent, she's 18 now. Its blessing that your daughters add has been picked up early my daughter wasn't diagnosed until she was 14 and had a very difficult and unhappy experience in primrary school and comp, and has a heap of pshycological baggage as a result, I'm at end of my tether with her at mo ( see my post yesterday - please help) and lot of problem is my guilt around all that when she was younger as for long time just thought she was deliberately defiant and wasn't trying to behave in school.
I also have realised that I have add and get what your saying as I have had huge problems with anxiety and depression for years and have this year realised that i have seasonal affective disorder as welll and feel if i turn up at the doctors claiming this they are just going to think yeah huge hypochondriac! For now i am just going to concentrate on my daughter while at same time researching the add and trying to manage mine without meds as i just cant face another battle with any kind of authority figure at mo , maybe down the line i will think about iti I do feel the condition has screwed up my life kicked out school years later dropped out of uni low skilled jobs ever since etc but have to look forward now. its a personal decision really - will be a battle though if your up for it going by most people's experience on this site.
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Post by jan on Jan 23, 2013 11:01:35 GMT
I'm cracking up - don't know what to do or who to ask for help. Feel frightened to post this cos feel adder's on this site will be offended, i have posted different things few times and havn't had much response - feel like everyone on here thinks i talk shit!
I have 18 year old daughter with (severe) adhd, she wasn't diagnosed until she was 14 and we didn't get much help after that! her diagnosis doesn't seem to be as detailed a process as people talk about on here - maybe thats cos she was still child? we started seeing family therapist at chams because of problems at school and home and after few sessions therapist says think she's got adhd made us appointment with pshyciatrist , saw her, given medication (concerta) and brief leaflet about adhd and that was it!
suppose i should of prob started researching it myself but I didn't we had so much going on at time truanting, exclusion, involvement in gangs, police, leaving house in middle of night and going out, getting drunk all usual deviant teen behaviour i suppose, then a violent relationship, I was run ragged with it all and am lone parent as well, dad never been in picture and no family around either. I did try few times but was so bad at computers and got completely confused going from one site to another so much information i just couldn't take it all in. left 2 messages at numbers for support groups but at time they didn't get back to me and i forgot all about it i was suffering badly with depression and anxiety by this time as well. Of course now i have realised that i have it also and that has made things so much more difficult, with the memory and organisation etc.
god this is getting too long now isn't it . she wouldnt take the meds she has fear of swallowing tablets and basically she does nothing to address her condition! I have been trying to support her for so long now I feel like i've had enough! basically i have spent years running around trying to sort all her mistakes, find info to help her ie spent 2 years nagging my doctor to refer her to homeopathic hospital to see adhd specialist managed it went to appointment with her got the med - she took it once -that was it!.
Honestly it would take forever to list all that i've done while she constantly does nothing or verbally attacks me for nagging her or blames me for everything that goe's wrong in her life. she's coming to the end of a very basic college course now her attendence has been less than 50% and she only has to be there 2 and half days week. she has a disciplinary meeting coming up because of her attitude with teachers (iv'e arranged representation about that) i don't know if everyone with adhd also has oppositional defiance disorder (i don't) but i wonder if she has that as well?
She's constantly swearing at me and kicking off, thank god she's in bed most of time or out, I dread her coming home I understand she's depressed but is only addressing this with alcohol and skunk! I just can't parent her anymore I really can't but what do I do? where can she go? we live in london, does anyone know of any housing schemes for vulnerable adults? surely thats what she'd be classed as.? I can't just kick her out with nowhere to go but I just can't keep on living like this! I know it sounds selfish but I just want my life back, we are going to end up hating each other if we go on like this I just don't know where to go from here.
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Post by jan on Jan 6, 2013 10:20:05 GMT
so relate to all the 'clutter' messages my life seems to be a constant battle with getting things sorted - always feel like if i can just get everything organised then i might be able to think straight and be more relaxed but never get there.
In october decided to paint my kitchen - still had the paint that i had bought when i first dedided to paint it which was about 5 years ago - at least! moved all furniture from kitchen into living room - ordered a new dishwasher which was reason why had decided to paint as old one packed up and if got new one first needed to put down new lino which i bought for kitchen 9 years ago! opened paint and stirred it as it didnt even look like paint anymore but must heve conjealed or something cos when stirred it turned out there was 2 puncture holes in side of tin and paint started pouring out everywhere! anyway managed to catch a lot of it in the cat litter container and proceeded to paint (once all paint on floor had dried - good job have new lino) but seemed like it must have gone off cos it doesnt cover the marks underneath.
so then takes me a week or so to get round to buying white paint thats supposed to cover anything then another couple weeks to get around to putting that on the wall and paint over it with the original (gone off) paint but wont even cover white ! takes me few more weeks to get round to buying more of the gone off colour in meantime my mate gives me a cooker and washing machine from her mums flat as she's gone into a home so they go in living room with the new dish washer thats been delivered (getting bit crowded in there now) by this time christmas is upon us and need to find room in there for a tree! spending a lot of time at laundrette as my washing machine has packed up and a lot more time washing bloody dishes which i hate doing more than anything in the world and never do until every single dish is dirty and cant swing a cat in the f'in living room as cant move for kitchen appliances etc have spent so much cash in launderette could have prob paid to have kitchen painted twice over and now its january and still havnt finished painting! clutter every where! well today AM GOING TO PAINT MY BLOODY KITCHEN and get my living room back - once i get around to putting lino down un plumbing and chucking out old dishwasher and w machine and plumbing new ones in - shouldn't take long eh!
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Post by jan on Jan 3, 2013 23:17:17 GMT
thanks for your reply i'm crap at computers think ive been doing it wrong is making more sense today but will prob forget what i did today by tomorrow if you know what i mean.
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Post by jan on Jan 1, 2013 11:22:09 GMT
where are you all? have i got it wrong thought this messaging and stuff was constant stream of chat? seems to be when my teens on her blackberry anyway or is my intro just too boring (paranoya setting in) am i gonna turn up at the meeting tonight and find - no one?
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Post by jan on Jan 1, 2013 10:59:38 GMT
Hya have just joined this site today not very computer literate unfortunately am interested in your post and wether you got the info i also live in barnet and am considering getting a private diagnosis as cant face fight with doc but unless i'm getting this wrong looks like you havnt had answer or been on site since september?
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Post by jan on Jan 1, 2013 10:33:53 GMT
got that as well! tried get it sorted last few months - have a lamp joined sada and bought book and went to confrence - book has lots helpfull tips -'winter blues everything you need to know to beat seasonal affective disorder - norman rosenthal also reccomends meditation - few diff types - which must be good for add as well - gonna start that soon so let u know - reccomends few web sites in the book and says that apparently s.a.d. is another bloody comorbid (dont know if spelt that right) of adhd!!
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