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panic
Jul 6, 2016 19:01:40 GMT
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Post by shiningbright on Jul 6, 2016 19:01:40 GMT
Did I ever mention that my OH actively encourages me to talk to him about any little thought I might have that is causingme any level of ddisquiet. We call it 'bees'.
I once told him that a woman's mind is like a bee hive. That when all the thoughts and feelings and such are Bonnie and going along nicely then you get lovely and sweet honey. But if the bees start stining and causing upset then the honey spurs and goes bitter.
So when I have a bee that in stinging (or has the protential to sting) then I'll tell my OH 'there's a bee in my bonnet' and he'll make time to listen to me. Even if it's the same bee as has been discussed before.
He also asks me often if I have a bee I want to discuss. If I say no, which I'm sorry to say I have done of late, he'll not push me but will ask again at another time.
He doesn't see his responsibilities towards me as purely a out food and home, but also if Deen and my mental health. So he cares for those too.
And he loves me no matter what. He thanks me when he can and he often appoligies for any wrongs he feels he might have done me.
And I love him no matter what.
Alas, I made things harder for us of late by not sharing my thoughts. I locked them away out of self-shame and denied them even too myself. My family has suffered from my bitter and irratic honey.
But to get back on track I do need my OH help. So I will talk to him once I can and then we can make plans together as couples do :-)
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panic
Jul 6, 2016 18:53:38 GMT
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Post by shiningbright on Jul 6, 2016 18:53:38 GMT
He isn't a bad husband. He is just as overworked as I am (plus the extra families to keep him busy lol), I know that once I tell him then he'll try to find a way to make things easier on me. I've just been too... I'm not sure what the word is- proud/shy/ashamed of my flaws- to tell him how I feel so I've let it build up until I can't breathe.
He relies on me yes. But I also rely on him. He does his obligations but I also have the god given right to wave his obligations on me as I see fit.
For example when he lost his job and we needed to rethink things, I could have been like his ex wife and insisted he keep up the same allowance, he cover the bills and I do nothing. Or I could use the skills o have to help him find work so he can provide for his family.
It was meant to be tempary but one thing became another thing and it just rolled on and got more and more - snowballed is the saying I think.
It's easier to see all this after my mini breakthrough earlier today. Now I'm calm and removed from my feelings of stress I can see it all and I can see that no one is to blame, it was simply a test from Allah.
Life can be a odd path sometimes.
I am sorry of I've been venting too much on here and moaning about things that are actually blessings under a different light. I hope ice not upset anyone.
My love and prayers to every one and please, if I've upset/irked/vexed or in anyway cause anyone a lack of peace, Then I beg for forgiveness and I shall reign myself in :-)
:')
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Post by shiningbright on Jul 6, 2016 18:44:22 GMT
I know it's a tempary infertility, My ovaries are on pause, but there is no harm in babies close together if the parent is heathly and has a healthy lifestyle and diet.
My OH had an aunt who had 17 children in as many years. He's in his late 30s and wants to be able to enjoy his kids even when they're older, So having kids younger makes more sense.
I know I'm not as band as with millions of women world wide and I'm grateful for what I've got. But it doesn't lessen the broodiness, it's a obsession inside my brain. I can't help it. And with the kids asking me every time I see them and the cowife leaving all the baby making side of things to me (she has her reasons and I don't mind but one a year doesn't have to be from my womb in our family style).
I'm not a fan of Dr treatments either but when you're stressed its part of what your brain thinks off. Hense why I want to focus on diet rather then doctor (also by way of distraction).
But, honestly, I'm a walking mess of hormones at the minute anyway. I'm not really stressed by my fertility being on pause, not really (I had an apithany today about the causes of my stress lately) and it isn't to do with fertility at all. My brain just used that because I didn't want to deal with my real internal fears and insecurities. Which I'm aware off now and can try to correct and then, hopefully, I'll return back to my functioning crazy self rather then the stressed crazy me ive been the growing months :-)
Thanks for the comment btw :-)
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panic
Jul 6, 2016 16:42:26 GMT
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Post by shiningbright on Jul 6, 2016 16:42:26 GMT
So I'm struggling with my work load as it is. By the end of next week I have to complete 100/200 completion forms, writing up and mark 100 exams, make sure everything has the correct dates and learners ref and details etc. Then also organise the lot into a set fashion as preferred b y 'the bosses' (my oh still can't write yet so it falls to me else he'll not get paid). Then as soon as these learners are completed then my OH will be going to stay at my cowifes house for 2-6 months while he works on a project nearer hers then mine. So before he goes I need to have 12-15am session plans and resources and materials ready for level 2. As he won't have me to print or organise anything for him he needs me to give him as much as I can as soon as I can.
All this is with our plan of opening our own school on the back burner. I still have to cook and clean and tend to two young and adventurous children. I'm being stretched too thin, I'm so stressed.
So, yesterday my OH asks me of I've made any progress on the school plan (cant get funding til I've done the curriculum). I laughed and said not since he broke his arm and I had to cover his work.
Then, probably trying to be supportive and encouraging (trying to motivate me by showing me how valued I am), my OH says to me "the future of the family rests on you." Errm, thanks?
So roll on the panic. And he wonders why I'm so stressed and tired lately. And whenever I try to tell him I choke on the words and it never comes out right. He does understand that I've got too much on my plate and he doesn't nag or get upset with me when I miss targets (crazy targets too, I'll explain below) but I'm painfully aware that the business/schoolstart up and success rests on a set of skills I have that my OH doesn't have. Once it's up and running he can easily take over and manage the lot. But the start up, plans, curriculums etc are things he needs from me. Without those the plans putty.
So, crazy targets, He has some weird time frames. And I know it's my fault. The average time to write a curriculum is anywhere from6 months to 2yrs). I've written some in less then two weeks- when I had one baby and a tiny house and no cooking skills.
Now I have a two bed flat (I used to have just one room and a shared kitchen), two kids and my OH work to do. I feel like I'm doing two full time jobs. To be able to do the curriculum I need to be able to focus, hyper focus I can go really fast but otherwise I'm really slow. I can't keep being interrupted by crying children, or having get up to clean or having to stop working to cook. So it takes me a lot longer now and a lot more of energy to focus on the task.
My OH time frame from business idea to the opening of said school was 3 months! Notn impossible to hyper focus me but impossible to stressed me. That was 5 months ago nearly.
Now I'm think next summer by my OH is still hopeful for this summer- i m not bloody superwoman.
Sorry vent Over
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Post by shiningbright on Jul 6, 2016 16:15:51 GMT
I don't have any of those. Oh well.
I made some cupcakes today. As well as the salwine for my OH.
Just made 6 mini cupcakes and 6 big ones. I cheated and used a box kit but the kids won't mind. I lost my confidencein the kitchen recently, after being told if I was a better house keeper and cool then my OH wouldn't have married again- really upset me (especially as it's not why he remarried, I encouraged him too). So I'm slowly building my cooking confidence again. The kids are ace, they often request certain dishes cos they like them done my (or my toddler's lol) way.
Just relaxing today, not doing anything really. Got left overs for dinner. Just sat waiting for when my OH will return/visit and such. Mostly I'm playing woth my boy's.
My 3 yr old has been asking me to write words- he says the word then I write it down then we sound it out together letter by letter. Today's words of choice were: some, pen, lid, toy box, toys and his name. He then did some drawing and such.
Then took them for a walk/play in the garden but it's a communal garden in a council flat and I saw loads of broken glass and such that I just brought my boy's back inside.
Got to remember to take photos of the glass while the weather is good. The last time someone came out it was raining and she couldn't clearly see what I was on about - she said to take pictures and email them to the council and they'd send a caretaker to clean it up. There areplenty kids here but not one's uses the garden but the council won't fix it. If my boy's get hurt before we can move to a safer house then I'll sue them >_< been here for nearly 2 years and they've still not done anything about it.
I send my OH a message today, telling them that I need to talk to him about why I'm feeling so stressed and tired all the time (I had an apithany of sorts about it earlier), I'll likely not get the chance til next week but at least he knows that I need to talk about it which is helpful. Once he has time then we'll talk. I just hope I've not lots my nerve or mind by then lol.
I keep telling myself that I should write it down while i remember but I'd rather do that when kids are out of the way so I can focus (or cry) as needs be lol :-)
Now I've done some baking I really wanna bake again lol. But from scratch. I'm shy of ingredients until next week mind so it can wait. And next week I'm gonna be so busy with paperwork I w/o t hardly be able to think let alone bake. Oh well. Roll on the stress :-(
My boy's are amazing :-)
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Post by shiningbright on Jul 6, 2016 13:54:45 GMT
Can one upload a picture to here? Nothing personal like faces of anything :-) just wondered
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Post by shiningbright on Jul 6, 2016 7:09:07 GMT
Rid Mubarak!
Love and prayers to everyone :-)
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Post by shiningbright on Jul 5, 2016 11:01:50 GMT
What I'm thinking: I'll not be able to get fertility help from Dr until 2 things happen - 1 I stop breastfeeding for 3 months. and - 2 I loose weight and get from my current 18 stone, to 12 or less. Stopping breastfeeding isn't an option until baby is 2 yrs old (it's his right to have my milk if he desires it). Loosing weight fast is. but it involves alot of will power and self awareness on my part, especially as I'll still be feeding my family different meals. So, based on my 2 years worth of research I've come up with lists of foods and a kinda diet plan that i think I can live with. If I can keep to it then I'll start seeing a difference around mi weight in a month or two, and then in a year I'd likely get down to the desired weight. It's fast paced and hard but worth it. Basically it's Breakfast: Fertility smoothie with some from or protein/carb like oats or eggs etc (can alternate each day so i don't get too bored of it) Day snacks (not lunch really): Anything from the 'approved list' as desired though the day, careful not to over eat (not something I need to worry about in the day time). Dinner: a Full and normally meal with the family but taking a slightly smaller portion then normal, each day until I'm used to the smaller portions. Allow myself 1 sweet treat each day while I adapt. And allow myself one 'unhealthy' family meal each week, until I adapt. Fertility smoothie is a base of avocado and banana mixed with any fruit really and any veggies of desire each day. Approved foods: Eggs - 1/2 per day max, Yams - a portion a day ideally (or as often as possible - I can cook a large yam into mash, then devide into portons to freeze and defrost each night for the next day), kiwi 1/2 a day, Milk - two glasses of whole milk per day max, steamed veggies - as desired per day, Asparagus as desired, Nuts (almods and walnuts) a handful per day (about 100gs), seeds (pumpkin, sunflower or halon) a teaspoon per day as desired. Spinach as desired daily. Red meat 2/3 times per week (as part of meal), chicken 2/3 times per week (in meal). Also a daily glass of lemon, lime and cucumber water (before breakfast) can help with weight loss. On top of all that I should start with 30 minutes exersize per day, plus 20 minutes on the treadmill, until I can work up til doing more. *sigh* that all sounds so good, but I'm too stupid and lazy to actually see it past the first three days :-( I really need to sort myself out for my kids sake, and for my future health. yet i just fail every time I try
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Post by shiningbright on Jul 5, 2016 10:21:17 GMT
Well, yesterday was a flaky day, so emotionally all over the place.
My OH says he his praying for more kids, he said "Why can't we have one each year? Waiting 2 - 3 years between baby's is not what I'd hoped for." and though I know it's not my fault we've not concerned again yet, I still feel guilty and sad.
In his defense - he wasn't taking a stab at me. He blames himself as much as I blame myself, even thought we both know it's not in our hands we're both deperate for more kids. He still loves me, that can never be doubted. But the 'problem' does lie with me. It's my ovarys not releasing eggs yet (my baby is on one breastfeed per day now, he's over 1 yr old but still I'm not fertile yet).
Tomorrow is Eid and I'm wanting to bake, or to do something, but don't think I'll have the time or energy too once today is over with. I'm not gonna do fancy cooking of loads of stuffs like most Muslim families I've met do. I'll make some salwine (my OH favourite) and then to cook as normal, might make chicken dhall but that is timely. Not that I've not got the free time. My OH will be with my cowife most of tomorrow and the rest of the week. I'll see him and the kids for a couple hours tomorrow, but then I may or may not see him tomorrow night, Thursday, etc. Until Friday when he goes back to London.
I've been trying to get on with today's stuff but all I can think about it that I'll not see my OH much, that my cowife hates me (which rationally I'm sure she doesn't) and that I should bake. And mostly ways to get fertile again - I'm getting really upset about this :-(
No point really in baking because the only ones who'd eat it are the kids and me. I wanted to make stuff for the family (including cowife) but OH said not to bother. Even though I know I'll get some plates of left overs from their Ed party tomorrow, they'll cook loads. So no point my cooking really either, I'll have too much food wasted if I cook and get given food also.
I'm also upset cause I thought my bills were coming on on Friday, but they went out this morning so I need to ask my OH for money for shopping and covering the overdraft :-( He doesn't mind but I don't like showing how stupid I am.
I did ask my OH to take us out for the day sometime next week. I don't think he fully grasped my meaning (he can't see why anyone would want to go out) and he'll probably think our quick trip to visit a house today will count - I tried to explain that I want to go somewhere and make memories with our kids. I don't care if anyone joins us, I'm open to company, so long as my boys are part of the party. I feel they're too often left out and I don't want it to effect their relationship. I'll have to keep reminding him.
I only go out to go to the shop because I don't like going out alone and my OH is hardly here between work and cowife.
Sorry about the post, just feeling very sad today. I'm trying to focus on work and all I can think about is my 'temporary' infertility, my lack of company and my overall uselessness. I now me, i'll be fine come evening time - I'm always happier later in the day lately.
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Post by shiningbright on Jul 4, 2016 12:02:30 GMT
Hah! I knew it! Everything is my fault, his clearing out the cupboards and fridge, his not booking anywhere to take Mum away for a few days, EVERYTHING. I don't care if he HAS got PTA, there's no way he'd ever accept that even if I could figure a way to broach the subject that wouldn't send him straight into denial. And if he's happy the way he is, and he obviously is, then he's just a manipulative control freak, that likes being nasty, anal, and blaming others for his failures and bad behaviour. Wow Marionk, bless you, you sound like you're discribing my brother. I feel for you and would like to say 'don't let him get to you' but as I know that wouldn't help me with my brother I don't expect it to help you with yours. Only thing that worked on my brother is cutting contact, last time I spoke to him he was thratening me. My OH is a big man that my bully brother wouldn't want to have to face off against, so that helps me too lol. You're in my prayers :-) *hugs*
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Post by shiningbright on Jul 4, 2016 11:57:51 GMT
I wanted to put a more philosophical or intellectual title but I simple couldn't get my brain to work so I left it as that. Joy of joys lol. Okies, thanks marionk for suggesting I start a diary thingy. Worth a try right ;-) Well, my thought of today is that I hate mornings. Or rather I'm starting to really hate me in the morning. Doesn't matter how well I sleep, or how well rested I am, or how happy I am. It's afternoon before I'm able to gather the ability to focus on anything for longer then a few minutes at a time. Kinda like my brain is in a fog and I'm so disappointed in myself. I have a simple plan - real simple: - wake up, do breakfast, nappies, etc. (play with boys) and read a bit with the boys. - then housework, clean the whole house (or the main places anyway) with hoovers, wipes, duster, whatever needs doing. - cook lunch and dinner for family, feed the boys and make OH breakfast (he wakes around 1/2pm cos he works nights) - clean the kitchen - do so reading or educational stuff with the boys and play with them, maybe crafts or science experiments also. - paperwork, the bane of my day but can't be avoided. - more time for my boys ideally, but in reality I'm so busy with paperwork that I'm still on it by this time. - feed boys dinner, baths, bedtime with some play and, ideally, readying/story time before bed. - feed my OH (if he's home), remember to eat myself also. - clean away whatever is messy, toys n toy box, pens away, that kinda thing. - clean kitchen - Spend some time with OH if he's home but he's normally not so not sure why I even bother putting this in the list - paperwork for as long as I can then bed Okay, I made that look really complicated: Basically I want to wake up, clean, cook, eat, boys education and bonding, dinner, family time, bed. I'd love to omit the paperwork but it's like a ever present weight i can't shift. So no point dreaming about something I can't alter. It doesn't work out and I'm left stressing and fretting and beating myself up :-( All I've ever wanted to be is wife and mother, why can't life be as simple as that :-(
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Post by shiningbright on Jul 4, 2016 11:37:35 GMT
These past few weeks I've become rather reliant on one or two cups of tea a day, just to help me stay calm (I take decaf).
And, odd as t's sounds, the days when I eat chocolate with a lunch of steamed veggies and milk or water, are the days I'm less likely to eat chocolates or binge in the evening. but we've banned chocolate from the house because I binged on it too much and it was getting in the way of my sleep.
I often don't get hungry, I lack appetite most of the day and breakfast or lunch is a forced affair. But by evening time I'm ravenous. Often for chicken lol. But too tired to cook by then.
On a productive day, I can cook lunch and dinner together 9or near enough) so that my evenings I can relax or focus on the tasks that require sitting down for a time. But in the mornings I can be refreshed and awake, but i can't focus on anything long enough to get anything done until 1/2pm, that's with an 8am wake up lol. My OH likes a large breakfast or eggs or sausages or avocado, but I'm so doolally in the morning even porrage is a trick, I normally have tea and biscuits myself and toast or yogurt for my boys.
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Post by shiningbright on Jul 4, 2016 11:12:43 GMT
Oh soy sure is nasty tasting. I say it's like bitter sand lol - it's in powder form. I take a teaspoon every morning with a whole glass of juice just to wash the taste off lol.EXpensive also at Ā£4.40 for one month worth. But i'm so broody it seems like a fair payoff.
I'll never bother to get diagnosed with ADHD, too much hard work involved and I'm too private so it'd not work for me. I'm the kinda person who could go to the Dr with a knife sticking out my back and say 'oh, it's only a wee scratch, I only came 'cause my mister insisted. He doesn't want it getting infected but i told him he needn't worry.' So going through all the drama and hardship of trying to get a DX is too much for my sensibilities.
I'm trying to reduce my eating habits. I got rid of most of the unhealthy snacks I'd normally eat when distracted and I've got a huge fruit bowl and some stream pouches for the microwave that means I get steamed veggies in minutes. But I'm still managing to binge on unhealthy stuff when I'm too tired to manage my will power lol :-) i'll get there I'm sure.
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Post by shiningbright on Jul 4, 2016 11:04:20 GMT
I think that's to do with dopamine getting depleted from all the mental activity, it's not the calories that your eating for, it's the dopamine hit! And not because it might give a high, (it doesn't usually) but because we actually need more dopamine just to carry on functioning. Does anyone know of healthy ways to get a dopamine fix? I do enjoy jumping on the treadmill or dancing about my living room to some youtube fitness class, and it always cheers me up. But after a focused session I'm just so shattered I can't motivate myself to get up and do anything exercise wise.
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Post by shiningbright on Jul 4, 2016 8:58:36 GMT
I'm in a creative mood today, but also I'm easily irked today (my poor lads). I'm currently trying to puzzle out a picture of a house that makes perfect sense inside my head (all the dimensions fit and flow well in my head) but I can't seem to make it work on paper. It made me think about my extensive collection of hobbies and interests that work together to keep me distracted from my less interesting tasks. Does anyone else have an extensive or random set of hobbies/interests? Mine are: - Architecture and design (I'll have a dream with a house that catches my interest and i can't relax until I've drawn that house onto paper)
- Crochet
- Dress designing (and making, but I'm not good at the making side so they never come out the same lol)
- Science experiments (everything from fire to motion to chemistry, love the lot - and great as a home educator)
- Cooking (I'm an experimental cook)
- Swimming (mermaid style only)
- Exploring anywhere green and/or wet (I love beaches and fields and woodlands)
- Story writing (I have 5 'worlds inside my head, 1 I started to write about but lack of time and many distractions)
- Writing curriculums (of education on a variety of subjects)
- Studying social sciences (especially from the perspective of profiling, fascinates me)
- Day dreaming (only way I can sleep at night is by day dreaming myself to sleep)
- Baking (mostly the decorating side of things, not so much the eating - If I make 100 cupcakes, I'll likely only eat 1 or 2 but if i buy them then I'll eat upwards of 5 or 10 even, so I prefer making them)
- Chocolate (not eating it per say, I find if I play with the stuff then I eat less of it. So i like to try making things I see online like pencils, shapes, etc.)
- Business planning (just so much to think about and so many variables, it's like a mental rubix lol)
- Drawing (I'm not very good at it but it's fun)
- Card making
- General crafts really (the kids love my house lol - making magnets, painting, DIY toys, etc.)
- DIY toys deserves an mention of it's own (I love making toys for my kids out of old things like bottles or tubes. They tend to have a sensory theme and some have been very long lasting)
- Dishes (I love doing dishes, feeling the hot soapy water, so relaxing)
I could go on but I'm getting a tad shy now lol :-) Love y'all. Please share your hobbies/interests if you desire too :-)
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Post by shiningbright on Jul 4, 2016 8:37:35 GMT
How old is he? Maybe he can express his own views on the matter. If he's old enough to give you accurate feedback then it might be worth trying different methods on a tester system.
I'll not tell you what to do, but i know if it were us, my OH and I, we would opt not to medicate for personal and religious reasons. But that is merely what we would do.
It's all about how you feel. If you think you can dedicate the time and attention needed to support your lad without medication, then by all means give it a try.
To my understanding, at a young age, things change so much that medications will only work for so long before they needs be adapted. So you can maybe try different things to see what works best for your son :-)
I'll pray for you and your family :-)
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Post by shiningbright on Jul 4, 2016 8:32:03 GMT
I'm obese and trying to loose weight and get healthy. i;ve noticed that my binge eating of unhealthy habits tends to occur most right after I've been hyper focused for a while, when I'm hungry and tired and switch to autopilot. I love fruit and steamed veggies, yet my brain still sends me for sweets more often than not.
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Post by shiningbright on Jul 4, 2016 7:50:40 GMT
potterhead7Yes, we're also keen on activities taking place outside also. When my OH looks at houses i always ask him to make sure the garden is a secureable one with easy access in and out, ideally without having to cross though the kitchen. That way the children can wander in and out as the day progresses, no matter the weather. I ask him to imagine 15 10 years olds running around with balls or bikes or water balloons and then see if the garden is big enough lol. Plus lots of science would be done in the garden for safety reasons. Then we'd have regular outings to parks, museums, feilds, etc. whatever s good for the kids. EG a small hike through some woods in each season to learn the differences. We'd not have a uniform per say but we would have a dress code that asks parents to make sure children are appropriately dressed for indoor and outdoor messy play (i once worked at a nursery where one little girl has a real fur coat in white, her mum told her she couldn't damage it and so at outdoor time she'd bee too scared to do any real play, was so sad. But in summer, when she didn't need her coat, she'd run around like wild bless her). jjI definitely agree that we'd need to learn alot more about how ADHD effect learning, and the different ways it can do so as i know no two ADHDers are quite the same, to better now what provisions we can give to support and promote learning. My current knowldge is limited to my own experiences, so I think getting suitable trainng will be very important for us.
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Post by shiningbright on Jul 4, 2016 7:37:57 GMT
I agree our main curriculum isn't ideal for ADHD off the bat. When we started writing our business/school mantra we hadn't thought much about matters like ADHD, learning difficulties, autism, etc. But we do whan to get the training for our future employees (and ourselves) to be able to make such provisions (we have to by law but we really want to do a good job of it).
As the curriculum is adapted to suit each individual child, irregardless of age or ability, it would give us an easy option of supporting different abilities. Basically, each child has their own curriculum that is for them alone, so we'd not need to make adaptions really for ADHD, as it'd just be a part of their curriculum. The aim being to give everyone the same opportunities to learn fairly.
We'd not run classes, we're not a tradition school. We'd have the occasional lesson/lecture but more often then not, our 'teachers' don't tell the children what to do, they provide learning opportunities (sometimes as lectures but mostly as experiments, activities, games, etc.) what learning is embedded into activities. A basic example being how baking can teach us maths, chemistry, art and design, cooking, time management, cleaning skills, I could go on.
We're looking to open in a standard 3/4 bedroomed house with one bedroom reserved for a staff member/care taker. One room would be for sensory space, also a space for napping and relaxing. The others would be for play and study. We'd need something with at least 2 reception rooms downstairs and would have about 10 - 15 students in a house this size, and at least 2 full time staff, with part time staff on rota. We'd be able to provide additional staff for children with additional needs (so if a child needs 121 they could get that).
But this is mostly speculation just now, I just wondered about views from ADHDer parents - I thank you greatly for your comments ;-)
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Post by shiningbright on Jul 4, 2016 7:21:40 GMT
What a diary thread?
I don't take any meds. Well, i've started taking soy isoflavortons, but they're to help with hormone balances (to help me get fertile again hopefully), but sleepiness isn't one of their side effects.
Then yesterday I also started having troubles with my eyes - thought it might be hay fever (which I've not had in years) but they're worse today so not sure if it's hay fever or pink eye. So if it's pink eye, that might be why I'm so tired.
My OH has the next week off work, he'll be playing taxi driver mostly for my co-wife and she visits family over Eid, but I might be able to ask him to take me to the countryside for a picnic or something with my boys. He's also booked some house viewing this week which will be fun - i always get to go to house viewings as I have a hobby in architect and design which is very useful as when my OH looks for a house.
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headaches
Jul 3, 2016 19:53:31 GMT
via mobile
Post by shiningbright on Jul 3, 2016 19:53:31 GMT
BTW I'm not depressed or unhappy just tired
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headaches
Jul 3, 2016 19:52:30 GMT
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Post by shiningbright on Jul 3, 2016 19:52:30 GMT
So sick of these headaches and now my OH is worried cos I've been sleepwalkinglast night (not done that since I was a kid).
I've been sleeping well (ish) lately but I'm so so so tired.
I'm tired of being tired š³
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Post by shiningbright on Jul 1, 2016 23:12:38 GMT
Thanks for the uplifting comments.
I'm not a perfectionist but sometimes I wish I were. I have some 'baggage' when it comes to dirty homes and I give myself a lot of greif over it. I stress myself out and put added pressures on myself because I wanna be some perfect housekeeper that I simply can't achieve.
When I was growing up my mum was depressive, not the mental health needs love and support kind but the bratty I do by wanna do it you can't make me kind (basically her mum and spoilt her and she couldn't afford her own cleaner), I did what I could but tween feeding my mum, brother and myself and the cats and homework and school there was little time for cleaning and even then all my gran taught me was hoovering, sweeping (I learnt mopping from the school dinner lady lol and dishes from a lady from church). Then my mum also had cats that weren't properly cared for (I still have some scars from the flea bites- they were everywhere, think medieval house level, the only reason the council didn't kick us out was cos they didn't want to clean it up) and the cats used the whole house as their litter tray, nothing was safe. I got I'll a lot and and I was a crazy emotional wreck of a teenager and I never learnt how to do anything myself. In my head I always had the image of my friends house and her mum smiling mop in hand looking like a cleaning superwoman in a sparkling kitchen and I wanted to be that good. Everyone said I'd learn when I had my own place.
Well after a while i lived on the streets and my health improved almost overnight. It was amazing for my mental and emotional development too becauseĀ I got to see a world outside that of my mum's creatings.
Cos I never did drugs, or got drunk or did anything else "dangerous and inappropriate" I got pushed through systems really fast and started lodging at a supportive house for young adults. Kinda like adult fostering. They helped me with educational/work choices, we're there for comfort and support if needed (they got trained for this, they were ace) and taught me some basic cooking and cleaning stuff. But my room was my deal and I still had a mess of a room. I didn't know why.
I then got my own house and I had no idea what to do. I did try but I failed and I gave the house up and went back to shared living which was too expensive so I ended up back at my mum'.
I love my mum, she's a good woman, but she's not a very good mum bless her. She was always more of a daughter who favoured my brother and never wanted a girl. Her loss lol. I was getting I'll again atmy mmum's, even thoi gh I made an effort to clean the fleas where a huge issue.
In the end I opted to go to college for an access course at a residential college. Where I was mostly able to keep a cleanish room but I didn't actually do much cleaning as they had staff cleaners to Hoover and pass oout sheets and such. I didn't even have to cook as meals were included twice a day. While there I was looking for a hubby and hoping I didn't have to go uni.
I found my man shortly before the end ofthe year and it was love and perfection and I'm so blessed. He even understands that I knew nothing about house keeping (he braved my mum's house once and turned green poor guy) but he's also not used to doing things himself (cultural thing) he's used to coming home, putting his coat anywhere and then someone else pits it away lol.
But he has lots of patience with me and never out right complains. If anything he apologies for putting so much on me everyday (paperwork) and if often trying to boost my self confidence and motivation.
I asked him a few weeks ago if he'd be happy chasing me up on tasks, to try and force me to do them so I didn't feel shamed in saying I hadn't done them. Hesaid he ddidn't want to do that because he didn't want to chance damaging our relationship by being naggy. Which meant so much to me- basically he'd rather have me than a clean house which shows how much he loves me in my books lol :-)
I'm okay at the minute. I've got loads on my plate yes but I feel good today. I had a rest day today, caught up on some sleep and took my boy's to the park in the rain. It was fun.
Tomorrow my plan is to mark exams in the morning, and clean in the afternoon.
I really want to get the house organised and cleared up so I can relax a bit (I'll let you know tomorrow night if I succeed or fail again lol).
I home educate our kids and really want to start devoting more time to them. They're 3 and 1 now, so mostly about play, but my lad loves doing things like drawing and writing with me right there with him. He likes showing me what he's doing. Same with reading.
They're my priorities and they need me more and more as they grow.
Tomorrow, if it's not raining and we have time, I'll do a little science experiment with them, They love stuff like that :-) amongst all the mums in our family, I'm the sciency/crafty/crazy/fun one - when it comes to play I have one rule "if you mess it up then you clean it up" which works really well :-)
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Post by shiningbright on Jun 30, 2016 17:31:49 GMT
I wear my nikkab out of personal prefernce, but I would never tell another woman that she must wear it. It's not oblicatory in Islam to cover ones face - it was for the wves of the prophet pbuh but for the rest of us it's a sunnah. Hijab is farz but it does take some getting used too.
For me, learning to wear hijab, I started with a wide bandana kinda thing, then wore loose thing scarf, then wider loose scarf, then started wearing it tighter, then started pinning it properly but I found that it hurt my neck and made my excema worse, then a friend gifted me a khimar and I've worn those since lol. And I used to practise waering nikkab n my bedroom (before marriage - my hubby never saw my face til after marriage out of respect for my character) until I picked up the nerve to waer it outside.
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Post by shiningbright on Jun 30, 2016 16:37:42 GMT
Talk on any topic you want blaze :-)
The more we share teh more we learn the more we grow
My mum always used to tell me about laws regarding zebra crossings in Scotland - she said when she visited there, she'd stop all the time and the drivers got confussed and that when her aunt was here, shed keep having to catch her before she walked into the road. Apparently it's law to stop in Scotland but not in England (My driving theory book says everyone is meant to stop if it s safe too lol)
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Post by shiningbright on Jun 30, 2016 16:33:23 GMT
Oh thank you all so much for your comments, you've all cheered me so :-) I had a long conversation with my OH after he woke up (He works nights so sleeps until 1/2pm bless him) about all that happened in detail. The guy most likely would have taken my veil off (or tried too as it's quite firmly attached lol) but just as he was reaching out his eyes flickered to those near by and so he just kinda waved his hand a foot from my face. My OH always worries when I go out, he knows I can defend myself if I have too but says that I'm more likely to take a hit then give one (I hope he's right lol). My priority is protecting my children, and my experience has taught me that people learn best after the act (last time someone punched me I got up and asked them if they felt better now and it really shocked them out of their maddness), when they have to face the consequences of their actions in realtime, a little forgiveness can go a long way for some. I'm thinking I'll report it on 'tellmamauk' but I'm not gonna push for anything to happen to the chap. He was maybe 70 years old, he's special to someone and I can't be angry with him for having views based on his own experiences. We all live inside the bubble of our experiences and perceptions, his bubble clearly isn't accustomed to mine. The hardest part for me was keeping my mouth shut and not saying anything smart back to him. For one, it would have simply added fuel to his fire but I also didn't want to be a bad example to my kids or to disrespect him in public. He's lived a long life and made contributions to society same as me and my loved ones. Islam teaches us to love others, to guard our tounges. By my telling tellmamauk, it might work a little way towards bettering the diversity education in the UK, inshaallah. marionkI like the chador - I currently wear a khimar (they have such odd names, in arabic the word hijab means curtain/drape, referring to 'drawing fabric around oneself' and cover completely, but when people say/see hijab these days they often thing of a simple wrap around headscarf, sorry I digress again...). The khimar is kinda like a short chador, similar to the pray hijabs ones sees. It comes to my hips at the front and my thigh at the back, then I wear an abaya under that and nikkab/veil on top. Then just my normal clothes under all that, to me it's like wearing a long coat lol. One of the benfit fits of hijab is that Breast feeding in public isn't something I worry about, I've done it tons of times and most people done even realise because my hijab covers it all lol (also handy for playing pick-a-boo to distract a grumpy baby lol :-) many uses) ... I mostly breastfeed in the car because it's easier. But I often get mixed reactions once people realise what's going on under my hijab. And by the time they realise, I'm putting everything away and they can't say anything about it but I once had a lady ask me if that was 'appropriate' thing to do in public - I said, i think so yes lol. tatiYeah, it's always easier to pick on those who seem more vulnerable (women, children and elderly), if anyone did that while my OH was around he wouldn't even need to do anything, one look and the chap would have backed off. Funny off topic story about my OH - a new shop opened near my home, staffed by all male muslims (not uncommon around here), and i'd go for milk and meat and such about twice a week. I was pregnant at the time and even though my layers it was obvious. I used too get alot of attention from the men there but I mostly ignored it. Then one time a guy at the till held my bags and asked me where I live and to wait for him to finish his shift then he'll carry my bags home. At first I thought he was just being helpful to a pregnant mum and toddler but he persisted to a stage where I felt very uncomfortable. I mentioned that my husband was waiting for me and he gave me my bags and let me go.When I got home I told my oh about it and I said 'I can't go back there until you can come with me, they need to get an eye full of you.' So next time I needed to shop and he was home, then we went together. He didn't say anything, just walked calmly beside and behind me (probably glaring at all the men when I wasn't looking lol) and then carried the bags home. Even though that guy wasn't there at the same time as us, I've not had any trouble there since. Love it :-)
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Post by shiningbright on Jun 30, 2016 11:33:19 GMT
Thanks a lot. I'm so glad to be home.
I'm a stubborn person and I won't let it stop me but it has put a slight spanner inmy plans- i was hHopi g to visit Halifax in the coming weeks, wanted to take my kids to eureka but I'll likely just take them to a local play centre instead now. I til my oh is around (no one says anything when he's around lol).
It could have been a lot worse and I'm glad it wasn't :-) mostly I'm glad my boys are okay and we turned it into a learning opportunity.
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Post by shiningbright on Jun 30, 2016 11:29:47 GMT
Thanks for this- good to know. I'll let my contacts know also :-)
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Post by shiningbright on Jun 30, 2016 11:27:54 GMT
Bless you. It's shocking how they can be sometimes.
Yet no one is immune to it.
If I'm around Indians they all think I'm some sexual nut cos I'm a white girl, or they think I'm extra pious if they are practising Muslims.
My oh ex wife gave him loads of greif over marrying me cos I was white and it was an insult to her (his ex) to marry a white girl after her. But she said if he'd married a black girl she wouldn't have minded! >_<
Drives me bonkers.
When I was growing up I could talk to a person for ten minutes and walk away and tell you their eye colour, what they were wearing. It not their skin colour, it just never registered to me. Then in college there were two Indian girls and I thought they were both sheikhs cos one was the sister of a sheikh lad I knew but none wore headscarf, I didn't even know what that meant.
When I was a teen I used to wear a headscaf often cos that's what it says in the bible and everyone in church thoughtI was ggonna be a nun. When I became Muslim and told the priest he said he wasn't surprised and hoped I'd be happy but that I couldn't keep looking after the kids at church cos the parents wouldn't feel comfortable with it.
I've had alsorts happen as I grew up. Then I married and relocated to a place with lots of Muslims, where I'm not the o ly nikkabi (I'm not even the only white nikkabi here) and things got a lot better. I still got the odd 'batman' comment but those amuse me mostly.
I wanted to take my boy's to a petty coo a while back and my oh was worried for me to go, but gave me permission anyway, because it was in a mostly white area and he was out of town. I went and it was fine (the zoo had loads more Muslims there then nonmuslims) and we had a good time. And every time we look for a new house we always check the demographics first to make sure we'd not be the only Muslims there. Sounds so paranoid but it's based on real experiences.
I'll confess I'm just as prone to some level Iof racism as anyone else. There is a part of town I don't go too cos of the Indian men always flirting with me, the Indian women around here are so prone to gossiping that my oh ex knows where ever I go out or visit family in the town.
I don't understand why people can't just live and let live.
Why cause trouble when peace is so much easier?
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Post by shiningbright on Jun 30, 2016 11:08:15 GMT
Thanks :-)
I'm used to it for myself, Irma grown up and can handle myself. But it's my kids it's not fair on. My 3 yr old kept asking me why man was mean and stuff. He deserves better.
Doesn't matter where one lives, you get nuts in every pot.
I also met one lady who told me I was going the right thing on how I disaplined my lad who had a huge tantrum (screams and all) on the bus. So not all folks are bad. But it only takes one.
First was when we got to a bus stop and an old man started shouting at me that someone should take my veil off and he gestured to do so (I thought he was gonna but I'd have just stood still anyway- what billy's want is responce), he was going on about my leaving the country and going home. I said I was born here, I'm English. He went on about me being a foreign bas*ard who is only here for breeding and then looked at my kids so rudely my lad got sad. I ignored him and told my lad to ignore him so he shut up and left us alone. He got on a different bus to us and when he left my lad started asking me questions about it and I said we should pray for everyone cos everyone is made from the same God. So he started praying (saying 'allah' over and over in a toddler, sing song way) and a lady near by moved off with a look of fear on she face. I let that slide as she wasn't rude and my lad didn't notice. Then walking in the town another lady looked me right in the eye as she passedand called me stupid. My lad asked why she said that and I told him that she wwasn't talking to me, she must have meant something else.
Then on the bus he has a huge tantrum over sitting on his seat, something he's never done before, and he's alwasy so good about sitting in cars and buses. I think he was just emotional after the day.
So glad to be home now.
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