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Post by shiningbright on Jun 30, 2016 9:52:33 GMT
I rarely go out, it's not my cuppa, if I do go out I like to have my oh with me. But today I had to go Leeds and I had people giving me verbal abuse.
In my old town I was used to it but since I got married it happened so less often then I didn't think much about it.
Not a great way to get the day going when I'm already stressing over paperwork (gotta get home and cook, feed the boy's and do paperwork before two >_< )
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Post by shiningbright on Jun 26, 2016 22:30:19 GMT
Wellnim happy with the kitchen today but not happy that I didn't fully sort the living room out. I got some done. I also cooked two meal options for dinner and saw the older kids for a little while which was awesome :-)
Youngest of my oh daughters saw my kitchen and said 'wow you kitchen is so clean' which was bitter sweet as it's nice for someone to say it looks nice but she had such a tone of shock and surprise I was left wondering if it was worse then I thought before lol. Can't win with myself, never good enough...
Most satisfying part of my cleaning work today - doing the dishes a bubble comes off the fairy when I got more for the sponge. The bubble floats about and I move my head just an inch and the bubble pops so softly on my nose :-)
Also my lad watched me clean, the babyIin the door bbouncer and the toddler trying to copy me. After I clean the work surface and started cooking I gave him a sponge and he happily clean what I 'missed' lol. He loves cooking and cleaning and is better then me at 3 yrs lol.
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Post by shiningbright on Jun 26, 2016 12:17:18 GMT
Can anyone advice how to bridge the gap between motivation and planning to actually doing and staying on task??? I'm driving myself bonkers with my distractions today :-( or maybe I should say this year lol
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Post by shiningbright on Jun 26, 2016 11:36:11 GMT
My OH is often asking me why I'm so tired when I've been home all done and nothings been done (he doesn't phase t as harshly as that, he's very diplomatic in his terms and never hurts me deliberatly), he also struggles to understand why I get stressed out when I have stuff to do like booklets.
The other day he sat me down and said 'sorry, i have some bad news' I was all confused, turns out his boss him to go to London for 6 - 12 weeks to work. I thought he was sorry cos i'll hardly see him and he'll be by my cowife more then me as she lives in London, even though he knows that doesn't bother me. Nope, he was sorry because he needs me to sort out teaching materials for the full course before he goes (so 3 weeks to do 12 sessions of materials and lession plans). He tried to break it down for me and said that I should focus on getting the first half done before he goes then do the 2nd half while he is there. He does understand me, or my ways, to an extent but we also work well together. EH also suggested just updating some older materials to match the new learners needs, hoping hat it'd would make things easier on me then ( I actually find making from scratch easier then reusing old but he means well bless him). When I can focus my skills are so fast, I can do a full 12 weeks worth of lessons in two days if I don't have housework or kids, or cooking to worry about and can just zone out and focus. The same works in reverse, I can get more housework done when I can zone out and do. My most productive times are when my children are sleeping, my OH is at my cowife (he's my biggest distraction cos when he's near work is never on my mind) and I'm in a good mood. But I'm so tired from playing catch up with myself that i'm totally useless.
I tried cleaning the kitchen today, and left my boys in the livingroom to play while I worked, I checked on them two minutes later and they literally tipped the toy box over and there are toys everywhere. Which I wouldn't mind on a normal none worn out day, but today it has made me sad because I wanted to see the house get tady not see it get messier. My plan was to organise the livingroom after the kitchen, but I've gotta clear all this up first and then I'll have to refocus and everything and I'#m shattered just thinking about it lol.
Also I don't know what tme my OH will get home today or if/when he'll bring the older kids and I feel like I can't plan my day properly even though I know that he is probably still asleep.... I'm just vexing myself here lol
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Post by shiningbright on Jun 25, 2016 20:51:09 GMT
Surely I must get too much 'me time' cos little seems to get done around the house... it doesn't make sense to my mind...
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Post by shiningbright on Jun 25, 2016 18:44:06 GMT
Thanks, that has actually made me feel better... I'm so blessed to have the skills that I do have and I've come a long way from the person I once was.
I'm just not the person I want to be.
Is that even attainable? Has anyone successfully become the person they want to be?
When I'm older and my kids grown up and my new mother daughter or son comes to me vexed at themself for their random imagined action, will I be able to tell them it does get better? Can anyone tell me that I can be the person I want to be? Or will I always be stuck as this useless lass who can never quite reach her goals of cleaning one room a day?!?
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Post by shiningbright on Jun 25, 2016 16:31:23 GMT
What to do when one is starting to really hate or resent oneself...
I can tell the difference 'tween my rational self and my emotional self, I just can't shut either side up.
My emotional self is telling me how useless I am, how I'll loose everyone cos I'm so useless and how I'll never be the person I want to be 'cause I'm too damn useless.
My rational self is telling me that I just have to get up and do, yet when I get up I buzz around like a bee yet afterwards everything looks the same as before, nothing has changed. I know rationally that I'm better then I was, that I've come a long way. But I also know that I'm not expecting myself to climb mount Everest or something unattainable - I want a clean, uncluttered and relaxing home.
I want to live in a clean, uncluttered house. I have the weekend to myself and thought I'd tackle the harder organisation tasks, yet all I've managed to do is sort one and half cupboards out and do some online research for my OH, two sets of laundry and three sets of dishes, whilst juggling the kids and guests who came by ealier. Even allowing for guests I should have got more work done. I so fedup of failing at the tasks I set myself. They're not difficult, a kid can do them, yet here I am feeling the huge useless failure.
Sometimes, when it all makes sense, I'm able to sort the whole house out in less then half a day.
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Post by shiningbright on Jun 23, 2016 20:40:36 GMT
Thanks alot :-) Aye, my day is better.
I had a good chat with my OH the other night where we were talking about womens minds and he totally explained my bad days in such an abstract but perfect way that I said to him 'next time I clam that you don't understand me, remind me of this conversation' lol. My OH and I aren't your average couple, we don't communicate the same way that others do, we talk more by metaphor. His talking about 'womens minds' in the abstract, was his indirect way of saying how he does understand me while still not understanding me lol. Bless him.
Oh, I've learnt that if I want the child locks opening quickly, I get my 3 yr old to do it - he is faster then me :/ And my baby loves to use his pushchair as a swing (monkey style).
They amaze me with their agility (and there is not a single corner or shelve in the house that my spider monkey boys can't get too) and their problem solving skills, but boy I can't take my eyes off them for a second.
I'm still struggle with lots of stuff to do, but I can only do what I can. Children are well worth the hormonal craziness :-)
I've not got any exams to mark tomorrow, so I'm gonna try and organise the living room so that I can feel safe leaving the kids in there while I go to the toilet lol - slight exsaguration I guess, but blimey is it a close one ;-)
I also hope to sort the bedroom and reorganise the kitchen... We shall see :-)
My OH is by my cowife this weekend (bitter sweet cos it means I'll hardly get to see the older kids as they're going with him this time), so I'm gonna try and use the time to sort out the house. I just need help with the motivation.
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Post by shiningbright on Jun 21, 2016 21:05:06 GMT
I have told him, he does understand and agree but also doesn't quite understand why I struggle as much as I do.
He's a great guy. These things in our life are temporary and it's part of life. I just needed a slight vent, hence this section of the forum, but don't misunderstand. My OH is amazing, he makes me a better person and sometmes i need a kick up the bum, a 'harsh' reminder to get me moving again 9esspecailly when I get caught in a fog of my own internal making.
I have missed alot of fasts because when I fest I get ill, never happened before but I missed the last two due to pregnancy so might be hormonal, I don't know. I know I don't have to fast when ill, my children and my body have rights over me and Allah has made our religion easy to follow and maintain. But I stll feel a little sad that i'm not fasting as much as I want too. I don't like being ill, it makes me feel weak, and I don't like feeling weak. I want to be a strong person, but I'm only human and we all have our limits :-)
To be honest, the sweets have been there since last summer, I'm not into them so much and I got rd of the thing I am into (like chocolates), I have a huge fruit bowl and I try to snack on those.
It's normal and he'll outgrow it. Lots of kids go though this phase, he's not a bad kid. It's just a part of parenthood to be tired.
I'm hormonal and emotional and I wrote that vent message in my 'cracy not thinking right' mind set. I've since had a healthy meal and a relax and now I'm looking at what I read kicking myself saying 'what is my problem?' - just last night I talked with my oh, we discussed the plans for the coming weeks and he said that he's sorry for the stuff he puts on me (not his fault, just how the cookie cumbles sometimes, part of life and marriage) and that he is extremely grateful. Just ten minutes ago (he's a work now) he just text me on his break to remind me how much he appreciates me. He's a good guy. I just had a bad day.
As for his worrying over babys finger, he's a loving dad - they worry lol
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Post by shiningbright on Jun 21, 2016 17:51:43 GMT
Oh I like that it has alarm reminders! Shame it doesn't seem to be cross platform. I like that I can put little notes on the reminders - so if I have a morning reminder for exersise then I can add that it's cardio, or in the afternoon that it's treadmill (rough example lol) I also like how simple it is, the stuff is in one list and I can make different lists for different days, things, etc.
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Post by shiningbright on Jun 21, 2016 16:17:55 GMT
shiningbright , if you're ok at not losing a notebook, and finding it when you want it, you might be able to use the 'bullet journal' system effectively. LOL --- I have atleast 1 notepad in every room, to do lists on the walls, a pad in my bag and on my fridge, and pens everywhere, yet when I need them I can never find them and typing on my phone takes so long :-( I'm just useless i guess
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Post by shiningbright on Jun 21, 2016 16:15:20 GMT
I just spent ages writing a long rant about the past few days but then I deleted is 'cos there is no point.
Events of the past two days:
- baby got his finger stuck in a toy and how has a nasty looking (but okay really) friction burn. - the toddler gave the baby soap to eat (I got it off him before it got past his teeth - no harm done) - OH has had a go at me several times about my lack of housework prowess, the words 'if you can't handle a two bed house with 2 kids, how're you gonna handle more kids and a bigger house in the future?' have been repeated many times (he's not being hurtful, though it does hurt, he's just trying to motivate me, he means well). - Oh and I also have the joy of added task of 20/30 exam papers that I have to mark every morning, 4 days a week for the next 4/5 weeks. Plus registers and databases and emails. - and trying to cook healthy food for each of my children - while trying to diet to improve my health and fertility - and doing regular fitness routines everyday (OH wants to to work up from 20 mins a day to 60 mins a day, he has good reasons and I agree with him) - oh and a person I thought was a friend is actually a wolf in sheep's clothing and my only friends are none exsistant unless they want something - I'm meant to be fasting but I keep getting ill every time I try and it's making me sad - and my hormones are so whacked up now that I can cry on minute over the tiniest of things then laugh another about nothing at all, and I'm feeling angry alot lately which isn't my normal nature - OH keeps on about me about babys finger, I've been first aid trained and I have experience of burns as I had loads of them as a kid (common occurrence when a 5 yr old is in charge of cooking), and keeps telling me to watch it, clean it, bandage it, etc. Yesterday he insisted I take him to a pharmacist who just told me the same stuff I already knew but also sold me cream and bandages (waste of £5 I don't have to spare). - and the hoover is blocked so I've got to find the time to dismantle and unblock it without breaking anything and use an older one with no head (just pipe) until then. - the laundry pile is building up cos i keep forgetting bout it in my ciaos - I'm super broody - and this baby (1 and quarter yr) doesn't sleep the night, he wakes every 2 hours for nothing and just screams wanting to be picked up. I'm exhausted. - and my toddler (3 yr old) keeps sneeking off to eat sweets or biscuits when I'm sleeping or busy doing nappies, or else he's trying to iron or clean the toilet, or cook dinner (stuff I don't mind when I'm there with him but he's way too young to do without me).
I guess I'm just feeling very judged, overworked and unappreciated. I did try talking to OH about some of my issues, not mentioned, and he told me how I am more useful than I think I am and that I help him out loads and he's sorry to put such a burden on me. But I can't seem to explain how i really feel.
I really need to talk to my OH about all this but he just doesn't seem to understand any of it when I've tried telling him in the past.
I just want to focus on house and kids without having to deal with job stuff. I understand why I have too but I just can't juggle that many plates, the more I have too do the less as gets done. Right now I kinda feel like I'm barely keeping afloat in the flood that my life has turned into.
And I really hate myself right now 'cos I should be better at housework then I am. I have the knowledge, I have good motivation and i even enjoy the tasks, yet my house is never clean enough.
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Post by shiningbright on Jun 21, 2016 14:34:38 GMT
Android.
I'm currently trying one called timetune I think, it works kinda but I have to remember to plan the night before, but it's the only one let let me copy to everyday in one click and have different routine plans, so i can do short minute by minute plans for a certain task, or longer day by day ones.
I've also downloaded my fitness pal to help me track my food and fitness habits so I can try to sort my life and health out a bit. Hopefully.
Also thinking of doing a blog but I'm not sure. Just to give me a motivational push to reach my goals each week.
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Post by shiningbright on Jun 15, 2016 14:42:36 GMT
Hello, I'm back briefly as I could do with some advice.
I'm just looking for a quick and easy app that will let me do daily plans with reminders. Just something simple and free where I can look at everything together.
I've tried to find some myself but there are so many and it's given me a headache
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goodbye
Jun 9, 2016 16:26:31 GMT
via mobile
Post by shiningbright on Jun 9, 2016 16:26:31 GMT
I'm leaving the forum.
It's a good forum but it takes up too much if my time and is an easy distraction.
My life is getting out of hand and I need to spend a while trying to fix the damage my inattentiviness has caused in my health, my house and my heart before I end up being a person I truly hate.
All prayers and love for you all. God bless.
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Post by shiningbright on Jun 9, 2016 9:59:06 GMT
You spans ages carefully making a shopping list only to find, when you reach the shops, that you forgot the blasted list! Again... >_<
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Post by shiningbright on Jun 7, 2016 20:22:28 GMT
Hi all, irksome me again :-) I'm doing loads of crazy stuffs of late. From burning foods, I put on if my tops on my baby and wondered why if didn't fit ? Then on top of that I forgot to bu y nappies for my toddler's night time, he's down to 5 nappies (I hate having less then 2 weeks worth) and I won't have more money til Friday which is cutting it very close for my tastes. Along with emails sent to the wrong people, I struggled with scanning a single document for my oh. And then today I got on the wrong bus and endedb upn in a different village in the wrong direction. These are just the tips of my ice burgs for the past week. I feel like a walking train wreck that doesn't know where it'll lay its bed. I also think I have a flu or cold maybe which is just making things worse. Last week I spent the day at the hospital where my oh was in theatre and my baby picked something up there (he even vomited all over me in the taxi home!) By evening the same day I started feeling ill and expected it to be the same thing as my baby after what had happened. I was wrong. I feel like I've got cotton in my ears, concrete in my nose and sandpaper for a throat. And my brain literrly feels like a bag if marbles sans bag. I've got so much to do yet seem to have great difficulty in actually doing so mi ch as sit. And I've been trying to fast (as it's ramadan) but it seems to make everything even worse... too many straws on my back as they say, thankfully I've a strong back lol ? What do you call a 3 humped camel? ? pregnant!
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Post by shiningbright on Jun 7, 2016 19:07:03 GMT
I honestly do not know how flu/cold effect adhd meds as I don't take any. However I have noticed how having a flu/cold makes my adhd worse. I've had something, I think flu but it's not quite like any flu I've ever had before, but my brain is kinda numb. I've done so many silly little mistakes. I spent ages trying to log into my laptop, an easy 5 minutes, and so many of my texts are coming out like word soup. I sent one to my OH asking 'are you free for a sec' but it came out 'are you Fred for a sex' I was so embarrassed.
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Post by shiningbright on Jun 7, 2016 18:56:07 GMT
Personal opinion should be that it should be offered as part of the nhs as with most other diagnosis. And then those that can or choose to take a private and paid for service can do so.
Same as other diagnosis
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Post by shiningbright on Jun 6, 2016 7:30:19 GMT
I'm 27, married, two kids by birth (9 in the family combined tween two wives and an ex lol). I'm also expected to be a certain kind of way. More so even then my older cowife as I am more religiously minded so I have to be a good role model to all our combined children and act a good example of good wifely and religious and motherly example to my cowife and ex.
I'll be honest, I went through a wild teen phase. I never drank (only on my own as I didn't like to get drunk), I never took drugs (which was helpful when trying to get off the streets as I was helped faster i vet those that did take drugs and drink).
I have tattoos and I regret them and will get them removed if I ever find that I have the spare cash.
I had a time when I struggled with my role in life but when I was looking for my husband I did a lot of soul searching about what I wanted in lo 've and I made sure that my oh and I were on the same page upon marriage. So I'm now happy in my position even if I do someone feel abit overwhelmed by the level of responsibility sometimes.
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Post by shiningbright on Jun 6, 2016 0:32:21 GMT
Top of the pops to me was a 90s crazy camera action stuff. Can't remember the voices of show hosts but I still remember the words to every single spice girls song (before ginger left and I discovered other singers)
- side note has anyone ever noticed how the songs our parents love listening to us sing as kids and would give loads of praise for are actually highly sexualised songs?!? Till this day I can understand why my mum was proud I sang Barbie girl or 2become1 on stage in a miniskirt (thanks 90s fashions) before age 11... if my girls did that now id flip.
Sorry I digress
I like your post but I'm n ot sure how to contribute to it.
Maybe my giving a suggestion for a future chart addition?
As a kid my (hindsight bias) adhd signs where once discribes by a teacher as possible autism but ignored and assumed to be due to neglectful home life and a version of ptsd from childhood horrors.
They thought it was a physical manifestation okkf internal trauma and as I was well behaved just past me to a counsellor who I'd visit once a week from about age 8- 15 and I loved it. Hated the counselling but loved getting a half day off school to go to a room free from my family and play or paint or do what I wanted for the sake of just wanting to do it lol.
I still remember I had one counsoller who was going on and on and on at me asking why I wanted to play with the dool house and all I said to her the whole hour was that I wanted to. She wanted to know the doll dialogs but they were inside my head and I said as much. She also suspected austim but I had read enough phycoligy books by then to deflect her away from that and into a safer thought (by spending 5 sessions after each other painting green blotches and saying it was my dreams- she went by the to trauma theory most held). Crazy days lol.
Motel of my story- anything phycological is also subjective to perception :-) gense why its so hard to get dx
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Post by shiningbright on Jun 6, 2016 0:19:51 GMT
> olrick snap lol. The world is full of suchamazing things that can iinterest usso much more then our boring work. Especially when said work is repeative or confining.
> thinkaholic it took me a moment to get your joke (had to re-read a couple times) but Iince I did I was laughing and wondering why I didn't get it at first read lol :-)
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Post by shiningbright on Jun 6, 2016 0:16:34 GMT
People (who are) like you and I (are) - - need to be stimulated a lot. Finding something to start a discussion gives us that. If nobody wants "to play" with you, you probably shout harder to draw the attention, or you just shut and give up and go 'play with yourself." Well phased I think - as a kid I created a world inside my head so that I could met the social and emotional needs absent in my life. To the rest of the world, except to my OH and kids, jujuim just a crazy person who makes little sense but is good to have around for a laugh and or educational lesson. As my cowife youngest girl said to me today 'you're so funny and full of knowledge!' But that's mostly the limit of my value to most people. To my OH I have much value and he has been able to help me turn some, not all, of my idiosyncrasies into some kind of practical application. Normally in the form for helping with his work. Too everyone else I'm still a submissive nut job. I don't care about them though. I'm aquite philosophical and often say that maybe I'm just the only sane person they know lol - perspective :-)
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Post by shiningbright on Jun 2, 2016 21:54:43 GMT
I'm so tired and stressed and my head feels like cotton candy or clouds or something. Not great time to not be able to focus. I needed on all sides today! My oh had his operation on his shattered wrist today. I was at the hospital from 11with hungry and grumpy children. Whom I had fed before we left but they eat so much lol Oh train got delayed then rescedualled and he got there at 2pm. He went in for his op at half three. I fed my boy's often and found somewhere for them to run and play while we waited but it took nearly 4 hours instead of the 1.5 hours we had be told it'd take. In that 4 hours my 1 year old was suddenly super sick and crazy nappies. I ran out of clean clothes for him and had to have nurses help. Also got to disinfecthis pram tonight. Then needed to help with sorting oh out while the boy's were waiting and shattered. Nurses were super helpful butI kept having to warn them about baby being sick - they're tending to post operation people, can't risk anyone else getting ill as I was already feeling ill myself by that point. Came home around 9 but baby was sick again everywhere in the taxi, mostly all over me, dispite my attempts to limit it. Taxi driver was very understanding. Got home and everyone then directly into the shower. Fed boys and now they're on bed at half ten. I'm now trying to eat sonething as I've not eaten much all day but I'm feelo my very sick now also. So now im worried about tending to oh when he comes home tomorrow cos now I'm ill, baby is still ill, and toddler is saying that his tummy feels funny not sure if I should send my oh to my cowife for his own safety? I've hardly seen him all week but it'll be so hard looking after him and boys and myself. But it'll also be hard to send him to London just for the weekend while he is so sleepy, but my cowife would meet him at the other end of the train.... Hrs sleeping now so we'll see what happens in the morningb i guess Brighter side - my boy's were really well behaved and polite all day, So proud of them. Oh arm is finally on the repare which is great, I hate seeing him in any kind of pain.
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Post by shiningbright on Jun 2, 2016 7:13:53 GMT
I'm very impulsive when it comes to food and its one of my biggest shames.
I love eating healthy foods and will snack in steam veggies quite happily. But when I am hyper focused on something or stressed out I loose interest, and have to patience, in eating. Too much hard work. In these circumstances I fall back on chocolates as they are awuick and tasty and give me enough energy to keep on with my day without too much effort or thought on my part. I recently lost a lot of weight and got down from 18 to 14 stone. Now I'm right back up at 18 and feel terrible for it. I enjoy excersize, I play raucously with my energetic kids and I use my treadmil often. I just need to transition from one type of habits to another.
I want to get rid of sweets and chocolates from my cupboard when whenever I go shopping I end up picking something up mostly out of habit or cost I get impulsive when I see a good deal (two bags of roses chocolates for £1! I bought it and now I regret it).
Even things like takeaways. I can cook for my family but rarely have any interest in foodn once I've made it. So I often end up wasting money on a takeaway cos it's quick and I don't have to think about it. I really need to change this habit. I don't want to be fat my whole life long.
I'm also impulsive in other ways mentioned- i love fast driving and it gives me a real rush and boost of energy. Fast driving was one of the things that bonded me and my now oh together while we were courting. When my mum was chaperone we didn't do m ich of it but when my brother or friends were my chaperones we had a grand fast time. I still remember over taking a motorbike lol. We have kids now so we're much more careful but we do plan on one day going to a track where we can drive at whatever speed we want lol.
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Post by shiningbright on May 31, 2016 18:46:38 GMT
Lucky You lol.
Most of the time, in the evening, I'm told to go to bed. But in fairness to him I'm up loads during the night as 1 yr old still feeds at night and they tend to play up in the wee hours. He knows I'd stay up all night with him (he's a night owl) and be shattered next day.
I think hes a better use of my time then he things he is lol
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Post by shiningbright on May 31, 2016 18:41:05 GMT
Since my last post here I've cooked and fed the boy's. Cleaned dishes from that. Given them snacks. Washed them and even played with them. I've also cleaned the kitchen and bathroom. Cleaned and semi organised the living room (nice to have one shelf where things look neat and have a place - still got to do the printer table, behind the sofas and the 2nd shelf and I want to sort out the toy box and clean the toys but I can do that later in the week). I've also Cleaned the pram, which really needed a clean, and done some laundry. Also put bins out and sorted out moth repellents :-)
The boy's spent the time running around loads, jumping and climbing on everything (beds, sofas, tables), they even turned the pram frame into a climbing frame. They have so much energy it's mind blowing.
I guess I'm not as useless as I think I am.
I just wish I could be this productive more often. I really enjoy times like this and the boy's like me when i m happy and productive.
Next order of the day - boys to bed, eat something and finish booklet for work before oh comes home :-) then I can relax with him for a bit before bed.
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Post by shiningbright on May 31, 2016 17:34:05 GMT
Yes I have notices and I'm a frequent offender lol :-)
Snap. But once I've typed I don't have the focus to go back and spell check so I getlots of errors llol
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Post by shiningbright on May 31, 2016 16:14:55 GMT
Now the kids are running around again. Like bullets. They're not naughty. They're just so full of irratic energy... i get tired just watching them lol.
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Post by shiningbright on May 31, 2016 16:12:35 GMT
The curse of the zero hours contract! I recently left one of those! Aye, we don't want him to be stuckn in this job for long. I totally feel like they're taking advantage of us all the time anyway (the basically get two staff for one set of pay and wages and taxes) and we want to open our own business but I can't find the time to do that around this job and kids and house. Well get there eventually but sooner or later I'll have to put my foot down with his boss. Trouble is I'm not scared to tell the boss what I think but my oh is in case he looses his contract as he has two families to provide for and this job pays better then others he's been able to get
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