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Post by shiningbright on May 31, 2016 16:05:43 GMT
They're sat drawing on the floor (on paper! ) by the kitchen door while i cook now. Calmest they've been all day.
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Post by shiningbright on May 31, 2016 16:03:00 GMT
Oh Gosh I sound like such a horrid mum
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Post by shiningbright on May 31, 2016 15:59:31 GMT
I feel like I'm coming back too normal- well not normal, still emotional but in a less hyper way.
While I was cleaning the bathroom and put my boy's to nap I was thinking away as i normally do when cleaning. A nooise finally reaches my brain, light banging in the kitchen. I go in to find my 3 yr old has climbed onto the work surface by the toaster (that God I always turn that thing off at the plug-in my oh insists on it), he's gotten loads of different masala from the cupboard and put it in the toaster. Along with broken up bits of dry pasta and water.
When I went in I nearly had a stroke. Then as I was cleaning that I lost track off time and my 1 yr old woke up. Instead of asking to be picked up like he used too he now gets climbing out the cot. I've got pillows in the floor in case but I try to be there when he waks s up so he doesn't try to climb out. Well I m issued that timing after my 3 yr old and I heard a small pop sound and then cryingbaby. He landed on the pillow but still banged himself. Just a red mMark on his arm, nothing dangerous, but it's hard enough looking after kids with adhd let alone when those kids keep getting themselves into dangerous situations.
Idont normally clean the bathroom on a Tuesday, I already did that yesterday, but when brushing teeth this morning my 3 yr old opened his dad's mouth wash and spilt it everywhere! Lovely smell but sticky when dry. So needed to clean that up.
It's been a crazy day.
Also turns out my lad thinks that Windows are like letter boxes. I wanted to go on the treadmil after lunch but couldn't find the safety magnet that was on there last night cos I used it after I oout the boy's to bed. I ask my lad and he said it was outside. So we went outside. By the kitchen window were some mints. By the lovingroom window was his dad's memory stick. And by the second bedroom window was the safety magnet. I asked when he'd done this andhe said when I was sleeping!!!
I love my boy's and their curiosity is much like mine (when I was 1 my mum and dad lost me inside the house only to find I had crawled through the cat flap and into the outside coal shed!). I was very good at exploring and evading adults when I was a kid but I put it down to inattentive and lazy adults. My boys are my life. I'd do anything for them. If my lad wants to climb and explore I won't stop him, so long as I'm there to help If needed. If he wants to cook he just has to ask and he can help me to cook. He doesn't need to sneak off and do it himself. But he does.
I'm amazed but also horrified and scared. Maybe I should attach a bell to his clothes lol.
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Post by shiningbright on May 31, 2016 14:54:56 GMT
Thanks. I'll have to keep trying thinks til I get the right rhythm :-)
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Post by shiningbright on May 31, 2016 14:51:21 GMT
He safenemployed. 0 hour stuff. He only gets paid if he does the job. His rate I pay is based on how many learners passtheir exams in each course programme. They calculate based on predicted learner outcomes and if extra pass he gets a bonus or if less pass he pays it back or it comes out of the next programmes wages.
So to cover the wage someone, him or I, need to cover the hours he would normally be working. Luckily the bosses value skills about man hours but no one, not even my oh, realise how much effort goes into one task on my part.
I know rationally that I'm n ot a wsdre of space and that I must just deal the cardsI'm delt so to speak. I'm at peace with that. But I know I can be so much better then I am. Everyone seems to think me so amazing at everything I do, I'm super mum or super woman, I can create stories and worlds inside my head, I caaa write curriculums for schools on a wide variety of subjects, I can understand the minds of children and adults alike (within reason- profiling was a hobby of mine), and I can do so much more that everyone sees in little bursts and think I'm like that constantly and can't understand that it's just nine half of my nature. That the other part of me is confused and foggy and vague and so so so easily distracted. The world has so many amazing things to see and do and I can't just stay still and do one thing. I've tried and nearly killed myself.
I just want tk be the kind of person that my family deserves. They love me so much I want to be worthy of that love. They admire me and I want to be worthy of that admiration rather then feeling likeI'm hoodwinking them. I Its just a bad day and a bad weekend. I try to be so optimistic but some days I get so scared. I'm what keeps my family floating, in know that, and without me the family would struggle, but I feel so overwhelmed and overburdened sometimes and i feelj like im letting my family down. They deserve so much better.
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Post by shiningbright on May 31, 2016 14:25:38 GMT
I'm terrible with apps. I hate my phone, I only use it really to communicate with my OH and sometimes with friends and family but it gives me headaches and distracts me from more important things.
Maybe I should get an egg tier with an hour setting or something, I don't know, but I need something to remind me of the passing of time otherwise hours pass without my realising.
Time holds no weight with me, it's all so subjective, but the basis of organsation, management and functionality in our world is based on a mutual concept of time and space. That seems to be what is missing in my head. Time, space, they mean so very little to me, so abstract.
My priorities aren't based on long term necessities but on personal perspectives and desires and beliefs and values. SO when my OH says I'm wasting time cuddling him when I could be doing dishes, in my head that's not a waste of time because I do dishes everyday. I don't cuddle him every day. That's one small example amongst many but you get my meaning.
I'll try setting 1 hour slots to my alarm and maybe using a sound that will register more with me, more distracting to take me out of myself and my activity in the moment. I'd probably have to change it regularly though lol.
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Post by shiningbright on May 31, 2016 13:58:15 GMT
Struggling to focus again and hating myself for it.
My OH is coming home tonight and I had so much I wanted to have done before he gets here but I can't focus enough to eat let alone do anything else. My head feels like mush or fluff or something else all together, lie fog maybe. I don't know.
At the very least I want to get laundry, orgnaised (or at least half organised) living room and finish booklet six for my OH work.
His boss wants me to do some research for the company, two smallish research tasks, shouldn't take long but I feel overwhelmed and trapped.
I know I have a choice but I don't feel like it. My OH can't work just yet, he can but he can't drive to work, so to make sure he still gets his wage we arranged with his bosses that I cover what we can for the time being by doing admin or research work. But I'm not thrilled about it.
I feel so useless and frustrated with myself. I can't believe I wasted my weekend, yet I can't think what I wasted it on. It's alike I've done so much but I have so little to show for it.
I'm not unhappy as in depressed. I'm just frustrated with myself, and confused (why can't I ever do things in an organised fashion? Why do I always end up surrounded by mess? And why does trying to focus give me headaches?)... sigh ...
I don't want to let my family down. I take my responsibilities seriously. I want to be better and I'm full of self doubt and frustration and anger at myself for being such a waste of space...
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Post by shiningbright on May 31, 2016 8:01:18 GMT
Thanks contarymary. I spent most of my life thinking I'm weird and crazy in lots of little ways. Bullied and tormented for my differences. It's almost weird to realise I'm not alone in these habits and ways :-)
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Post by shiningbright on May 30, 2016 17:32:15 GMT
Oh thank god I'm not alone in this :-) I've not met anyone else who does it lol :-)
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Post by shiningbright on May 30, 2016 11:06:20 GMT
Whenever I watch something with an accent that fascinates me I end up talking with said accent for a while, sometimes a few hours, other times a few days.
If I watch any Jane Austin then I talk in clear and proper English for days at a time.
If I meet anyone with an Indian or Scottish or Irish accent I end up uncounously talking so myself. Which is actually helpful if their English isn't good, helps them understand me better.
I dreamt the other day that I was living with my family in Trinidad and woke up with a trini accent that took ages to shake (my lad was loving it, he laughed loads). Now days later I still find myself using the accent without intention. Less often each day.
My brother used to tease me about it as a kid but my husband barely minds and if he notices then he'll only inform me if he can't understand me (normally ifb I'm talking in old English lol).
His older kids have noticed and they enjoy it, I get requests for different accents but I can only do a few on demand... they think it's funny that I watch something for a few minutes on YouTube and can copy it. They think it's a party trick, they don't realise that I can't help myself.
Does anyone else do this?
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Post by shiningbright on May 30, 2016 10:49:11 GMT
Oh i forgot about that... not had a letter from my library in over a year. Last i heard it was £30 i owed, i paid ten off but forgot about the rest til yo u just reminded me lol. Ill have to pop in when then when I next have the pennies to spare.
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Post by shiningbright on May 30, 2016 9:14:55 GMT
My ghhusband calls me supermum sometimes and its a title if otfen dont feel i deserve but sometimes I really do lol
My husband has two wives to wjom he is responsible for. My cowife is his other wife, she leaves 4 hours away from us and I love her like a sister :-)
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Post by shiningbright on May 29, 2016 14:01:46 GMT
I've always kept my invention ideas close to my chest and I was talking to my dad, a saleman/eutapanue in the states, and he said that he used to do the same but that with life came the experience that sharing is best cos then he can root out the good ideas from the bad ones. He also says that if he doesn't have the timeto focus in one of his iideas then it gives others an ability to use them lol.
I personally have so many inner personal tasks- from sewing clothes tto knitting blankets (baby is 1 and I still haven't finsihed his blanket! Where to find the time around everything else? ).
I have about 3 novels, one series of novels and 7 short stories all playing inside my head. Plus my daily invention ideas from board games to furniture - mostly play equipment lol. Also housing, villages and room designs - I live drawing house plans or school plans or villages (if I had the money I'd build my own village as apart of a work and social e xperiement- b ut alas I'm not a trillionaire lol).
But I hardly have time to so much as jot them down before something comes and sweeps me off my feet internally.
It doesn't stop them, they just sit in the back of my mind nagging at me. I know when I get them out I'll feel better but I don't have enough hands or mouths or words or pictures and mostly not enough time.
Anyone else have the same problem?
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Post by shiningbright on May 29, 2016 9:49:03 GMT
Lots of water too - helps to limit headaches when ones head is so... I don't have a word for it by I've been there with you, we all on this site can empathise and will be here while you wait for things to progress throu ugh systems.
There others on here who are also waiting for diagnosis, some as have had and some as choose not to bother getting it for whatever reasons.
My point is you're not alone and were all here to help each other bare the hard times and celebrate the good times :-)
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Post by shiningbright on May 29, 2016 9:41:03 GMT
For years I'd look at folks and when I walked away I couldn't even tell you what colour their skin was but their eyes I remembered lol. I tend to remember people more on voice then anything else.
A while back I had a guy hitting on me and making me uncomfortable (in our culture 'hitting on a woman', especially an obviously married and pregnant woman, is a huge nono). Was in one certain shop that is the only place I can go to get my meats. So I told my oh that they needed to see I had a man in my lifeand get an eye full of him. So next time I went to that shop my oh came with me- all bbutches shoulders and protective tone lol, loved it - anyway. He asks me 'what's the guy look like?' My reply - 'how would I know?' Lol. I don't even know what the man who gave me away at my marriage looks like lol.
I'm fortunate in that face blindness is more of a blessing in our culture where males and females are mostly segregated. But when im with the vmwomen i still cant tell you whoch cousion is which lol. I know my husbands sisters aoart cos they all got amazing accents that are so similar and yet so individual but his cousins I mostly tell them apart by which children they have with them lol!
Sonibused to think that face blindness was a option, that I choose to not see rather then didn't notice, but I find that people recognise me very easily. I saw a lady a couoke weeks back who was commenting on my little baby's walking. Her kids are same age and she says she remembered me from when my eldest was walking some 2 yrs prior and I was like wow how'd you manage to remember me?
I wear a full veil, only my eyes are seen andv I don't talk much outside yet everyone seems to remember me (I'm in an area with loads of full veiled ladies also so I don't stand out by comparison)
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Post by shiningbright on May 29, 2016 9:23:37 GMT
In psycho babble 'feels time's doesn't mean that you need to rest but that your starting to feel depressed. It's totally cr*p.
I had one counsoller in my early twentieswho was great, hHe never asked me how I felt. She just asked me to talk about whatever I wanted too, some weeks that was my childhood and other times it was the weather lol.
Helps to be able to express oneself without feeling that you have to check that what you say matches what they hear >_<
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Post by shiningbright on May 29, 2016 9:20:32 GMT
Oh bless you clubby. Yeah, I agreed fully that so called expects often have no clue what they're talking about, it's just guess work for them as they can't directly relate.
I always say we should listen to oiiur body's, if we need to rest then we should rest and if we need to be active then be active.
I hate sitting still for too long but often have to sit to work on laptop and paper work. The a couple weeks ago my oh got a new lawn shredder and I just went bonkers and needed to walk but I had to do my work. So I put the box in the treadmill arms and poof I could walk andwork. Can t do anything in depth but it is helpful for when I'm struggling to focus.
I find that if I don't listen to my body (not something I'm great at in truth lol) then it makes everything much harder. But ibhate leaving a job half done (ironically and m ist of my jobs are never finished lol!)
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Post by shiningbright on May 29, 2016 0:10:18 GMT
OOh I'm excited for you bee lol :-D
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Post by shiningbright on May 28, 2016 22:20:39 GMT
Hi shiningbright . I do love your energy. I have given up following "expert advice" on how to cope. None of it works for me and in some cases it makes things worse. I have spent a lifetime listening to others telling me what I ought to be doing, and it simply disabled me more. In all honestly my faith is what keeps me going, my creators words are the olny 'expert advice' i need, as humans are a prone to mistakes as anyone else, no matter their 'mental state of being'. And truely, to me, ADHD is a gift more then a burden, it's tricky yes and some days things can feel so hard that I want to hide under my quilt for an undefined length of time (with chocolate and my loved ones). But in all honestly I think it makes me a better mum on a emotional and psychological basis as I can emphasis so much more with my kids. I am more fun and more creative and I have a confidence, in the home, that is suited to our lifestyle and progressive thinking. WE home ed so that gives me plenty to enjoy also. My faith makes things in life much easier as they 'rules' are much simpler - i don't have to worry about being different when I trust that my crazy brain is part of my purpose in life, that it's and I am part of a grander design. And in my relgion it's not all about success in an action but also about intent, so long as i keep trying then I'm on the right path. So maybe today I forget to put the bin out or I get emotional cos I put the milk in the oven instead of the fridge (yes - I've done that before lol, and cried about it too lol) but all I do every day, whether i succeed at it or not, is all part of worshipping my creator and that's the most important thing in life to me. I know not everyone is religious, but it's important to me and my family :-) Anyway, I posted that I'd talk to my oh about my 'bee' and fears and such, poor chap was so tired (he'd traveled 4 hours by train with painful arm and wanted to rest and sleep but he took the time to ring me and listen to me - I'm so blessed) - I told him that one of my inner fears is that one day he'll quit on me like everyone else in my life has, that one day my poor house keeping skills and more inattentive crazy hyperactivity would prove too much for him to bare and he'd walk away from me with a 'sorry'. He listened, reassured me and told me that in fact my house keeping skills aren't bad, he told me I am actually good at house keeping - when I remember to do it lol. He has so much confidence in me, he has allowed me to buy some boxes and such for the living room (I'm an impusive spender so I asked him to manage my spending for me, he didn't request this task lol - basically we just talk about it and if I can rational why I need it then he'll tell me to get it lol - for example I didn't want to waste money on a new frying pan but he and my cowife explained why we need a new one so the choice was made to get a cheap one so everyone was happy lol - I'm very fugul and I ahet shopping)... sorry I digress. I bought some paper trays and have recyled some old boxes so that I can organise all the shelves in the livingroom. I've already reoganised my kitchen and things are easier to manage in there now - less piles built up and such. I've reorganised the bathroom also but I think when oh hand is fixed I'll ask him to put some storage in there - I'm worried about my eldest getting access to the bleach, it's currently on the hardest to get to part of the house with a freezing cold water pipe between it and any climbing children but my lad has resently found that no where is out of reach with some creative climbing (spider monkey that lad is). Then I need to organise the main bedroom and get rid of some of my old clothes, see which ones I can salvage (nearly all of my clothes have holes in them lol - did I mention that I hate shopping? lol) - and see what I might be able to make using old fabrics like sheets and such. We've got an old shirt of ohs that he used for work but ink got spilled on it, so I reclaimed it and am going to cut and sew to suit my lads usages - an ink stain doesn't stop it from being a good play shirt for messy kids lol. The 2nd bedroom is going to be the biggest hurdle but oh has agreed that I don't have to worry to much about that until all the stuff we're storing in there is gone (from when cowife moved to a smaller house, alot of her stuff in here for the time being) and even then he'll help me go through it all. I want to get some of those vacuum storage bags to store quilts and such in the bed - keep forgetting to ask oh about that - currently they get piled on top of the guest bed until used lol. We also have a small store space that holds the boiler that has become a untold mess, it's mostly oh stuff but I can't find simple things like hammers in it so I'll reoganise that also. So my tasks for this week, while oh is away (he comes back on Tuesday) is: - booklets for oh work: sessions 6 and 7 (8 if I can also). - at least two more subject breakdowns for our curriculum - at least 3 more learning resources for our curriculum - organise the living room - clean the oven inside (never done that before, not sure where to start, I might have to youtube it like I did for cleaning a toilet) - go through the freezer and see what needs using up - shopping on Monday - catch up on sleep before Tuesday as Wednesday will be at the hospital with boys all day (might be a good idea to make something i can take for the boys like a cold soup or similar) - my eldest also wants to go for a walk tomorrow which will be fun :-) I'm feeling optimistic and I have my handly to do list on the wall in the kitchen, bedroom and living room with pretty picture to catch my eye (hopefully - I can get desensitise very quickly). I also want to find the time to write a small group of sublists to support my main to do list, as it is a little general: I sometimes forget what cleaning I'm meant to do each day when my head is full of cooking and paperwork. Here's hoping that one day it will become muscle memory! :-)
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Post by shiningbright on May 28, 2016 17:38:19 GMT
Bluedrifter: "What this really means is that with the stuff you're good at you can just do without too much problem," I'll say - I often joke with my oh that the things I want to do I'm not good at (cooking and housework- they take alot of pause and thought and I can get really confused for rw as on I still can't explain cos I both know what to do but don't know what to do- if that makes sense) and the things I don't want to do I'm really good at (namely paperwork - once sufficiently focused I can do in 2 hours what would take an nt 2 days lol. But it doesn't make me happy. It bores me, I've done it so much and for so long I need new stuff to keep me going. And never ask me to edit my own creations, I'm hopeless at that lol- once it's done I won't revisit it. Can't tell you why cos I don't know myself :-) ) Basically, most nt's (neurotypicals) just don't get it. They see that you are clever, and that you interact (mostly) normally, so they think you are just like them or maybe a bit cleverer. They just don't understand that you can't cope with so many things on the go. They think it's just a matter of organisation, they don't understand the whirling, and swirling that goes on in our heads, when we have more than a very few things to get done. I don't think they understand at all that lists and alarms don't really help. Even if I set my alarm clock i f often gets forgotten as it goes off when I'm mid task and I'm not good at doing more then one task at a time. So I tell myself, I'll finish this first and then it's forgotten about lol. I tried setting a timer on my phone sk that every 30 minutes I'd stop the activity I was doing and move on to something else. I read somewhere it'd make me more productive as I'd get more done in my time frame. All it did was give me a mirgrain as I panicked trying to fit everything into a 30 mins slot lol My oh says that without me he'd be lost cos I have the skills that he lacks for his work so we do make an amazing team. He doesn't get the adhd stuff- he simply can't quantify it and I'll not force him. He accepts me for who I am and though he thinks I can do better with my time and though I'm terrified that one day he'll give up and get sick of me and leave me (even though that's not his nature), for the time being he accepts me and he loves me and he helps me to prioritise things inside my head. If I'm emotional or confused about something I can ask him and he'll make the choice for me. Sometimes he forgets, especailly lately, and things I don't need much guidance but othertimes he is amazing. I'd be lost without him not the other way around. He can help me to put aside alot of my internal distraction s just by being there, My desire to please him can help motivate me but he's away so often lately that I'm starting to loose alot of my habits. My 3 yr old is starting to fill some of those gaps that my oh is not helping with (roll the guilt! ) - he'll remind me to eat and cook and clean and will help me with tasks and it turns them into a game. Cleaning the bathroom is so much easier for me when my lad is there washing the sink while i do the dangerous stuff like toilet and shower. Cleaning tht kitchen takes no time when he's there putting things away and finding things I've lost - he knows he's way around better then I do and I organised it all lol. He's my most amazing little helper and I'm so grateful to have him in my life. Best part is that he has fun too, he loves playing and helping out and it's good bonding time for us. Even my 1 yr old is learning good habits and helps with laundry, sweeping and hoovering (with supervision obviously lol) I just wish I knew how to tell my oh what I've just said here though lol. I think I must at least try and tell him my fears of loosing him but every time I try to explain it kinda goes like this Me 'what if I never get better then I currently am?' Him 'you will. You just need to do xyz and you'll be fine' Me 'bug what if I can't do xyz or what if it doesn't work for me?' Him 'course it will. You do something for long enough anyone can do it- you're a supermum, clever and creative, you just need to learn to organise your time better.' Me ' I'm 27 and my organisation skills are still impulsive at best' Him 'you'll get there, just focus more.' I normally give up my this point lol. He just can't understand. He does try but he just doesnt get it. I tried telling him then when I was a girl some teachers suggested that I should be tested for autism but the school could only sort one of us out and as I was well behaved my brother was the one seen too. Course rhat was before the days of adhd. If i saw a dr today, i told him, id be quickly labeled as adhd. At first I didn't think he understood but writing this now and I'm thinking maybe he did. He asks me daily now if I need anything from him, if I'm okay and when I had the paperwork drama of the other day he was very sorry. He also knows the right way to compliment me. Very Important task lol :-) He and I have a kinda of code. I told him once that my mind is like a bee hive and that when every bee is working nicely then we get sweet honey (meaning I'm not an angry emotional wreck lol) and that if the bees start playing up (killer bee style lol) and stinging (what we call bad thoughts that cause me some form or emotional or physical pain or discomft) then the honey goes bad (and I become a crazy emotional wreck lol). To prevent the latter I tell him my bees (thoughts that may prove to get the hive buzzing unhoney like) and he helps me by either suggesting something I can do to fix it or by overwriting it - often with prayers or reminders of love etc. And I can feel better and focus more. Also if I need his help then I can just text or call him. Even when he's at cw i can text him and say I need to talk about a bee and he'll make or find time for me. Huh I've just realised that writing this post has helped me to come full circle from feeling ignored and isolated from my oh to feeling loved and respected by him. I will make a point of tell in b him about my fears but I k ow he'll say he loves me and I don't have to worry. What will be will be :-)
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Post by shiningbright on May 28, 2016 16:48:44 GMT
Just been told I won't be seen/diagnosed until next APRIL - I WAS ASSESSED LAST F***ING AUGUST!!!!! Seriously, this is driving me crazy. I'm desperate to be seen so i can start getting some order in my life but no one gives a rats ass! I've not forgotten this is your post. I feel for you. It's hard when you want to progress but others are holding you back- if there was a valid reason for a delayed appointment (sick Dr or something) then it wouldn't be so bad. But it sometimes feels more like they're testing you or just don't care at all. I can understand that a lot of centres are overwhelmed by patients these days but if that's the case then surely a cortosy call to remind patients that work is being done and progress will be made is worthwhile. It doesn't cost a Dr much to ring his patient and ask after them. One of the reasons I'm undx and plan to stay undx is that I don't have the time or energy to face these kinds of hold ups (to them we're a case file that they can pick-up and put down at will, they don't understand that for us it's a constant 24/7 battle of focus and that a small part of our brain is always thinking about them and what will happen at the next appointment and there after, etc.). I did try seeking assistance whenn I was younger as I was in a bad place but I got wrongly labeled depressed and fogged off. I ended up loosing my job and being stereotyped at work. Sometimes you have to fight for your corner. And sometimes you have to try and think of other things. Is there a phone line or similar you cou d ring to talk these things out with someone? Maybe getting some of the related thoughts verbalise might help you to pass the time quicker? Better to assume you will be diagnosised and made some of the relevant adaptions then to wait til theyve gotten aground to you and have it all fall in your lap in one go :-) just an idea- obviously i don't know your situation. I'm just advising based on my experience and opinions. If I said anything helpful then I'm glad. If I've said anything uunhelpful then I'm very sorry and seek forgiveness :-) Kind thoughts and prays flying your way (all of your readers ways iin fact! )
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Post by shiningbright on May 28, 2016 16:35:21 GMT
Ansase you've hit the nail on the head. I used to volunteer in a mental centre support centre and it vexed me so much how they trace even thing down to feelings which are so subjective.
I some times think it's because we all have the same feelings (adhders and nts), our feelings all follow a similar 'rational' set up so it's easier for them to 'quantify us' using emotional perspectives rather then practical ones.
Oh and the trash bin - my oh is always on at me about that. He says that I should empty it everyday to avoid build up and doesn't understand why I seem to forget about it until it's too late and I've got 3 bags to take out. He doesn't realise that when I walk into my kitchen I don't register the bin as I'm so busy trying to focus on the task as hand whilst being bombarded with countless internal and external stimuli! If he had to deal with all the things inside my head he'd miss the bin also lol.
We're not broken: We're circles that society wants to have squeezed into their square boxes!
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Post by shiningbright on May 28, 2016 16:12:04 GMT
If I have no choice but to be in a crowd (I avoid most often) then I normally find one person who is nice to me and stay close to them for the time or I find useful tasks to do like helping with food and clean up.
But honestly, most of the time I simply end up in a corner by myself or playing with my kids.
I always makes sure to smile at everyone and answer questions when asked but I struggle to extend conventions when they're broken into different groups - too many voices to hear and it's confused me which I am meant to answer lol. I can totally relate to Edward Cullen lol (just showed my age there didn't I lol) - easier to act normal when I not answer I g someone's comments from across thr room.
I went to my Cowifes-brothers-sons walima (kinda like a wedding reception) and did fine with one or two people but by the time 10 or more arrived I was an invisable black blob in a corner with two adorable kids - even my kids hate crowds but can't tell of that's a learnt trait or natural preference.
My tips for crowded social
- stay closer to people you know and know you can talk too - drink loads of water (you'll get dehydrated otherwise - extra brain focus means extra water needed) - snack little and often if you can (to help regulate glucose levels) - If you know no one or if the people you know are too busy then stay close to an open door or window - the fresh air can soothe and will help (slightly) to distract from the many voices around and in turn help with focus. - most importantly: be yourself. Don't worry about what people will think cos if they don't like you it's only cos they're not trying too :-)
I hope all goes well in all future events
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Post by shiningbright on May 28, 2016 15:58:26 GMT
Update - I've had a busy but happy morning.
Cooked a large healthy breakfast for 7 people, played with kids but also had time to have a chat with oh and cowife just about life in general, thoughts and hopes etc. Which is nice because it brings us all closer :-)
Done loads (I mean loads!) Of dishes lol and cleaned the kitchen 3 times - still got to do the oven inside but I'm avoiding that :-( plus standard of nappies and hoovering and such.
Oh and co wife made a mess in the bathroom (water everywhere) but the floor needed cleaning anyway so no harm there (I told them to put a bag on his arm/cast but they didn't want too lol).
Then I made a packed lunch for oh and cw with healthy things like salad and eggs but also some stuff that oh likes like nuts and sausages lol (please both of them lol)
Now everyone but my kids are gone. Oh is staying at cw until his operation next week. Older kids have gone back to their mum's and I'm left with a grumpy baby and sad 3 yr old (he hates when everyone goes home and wants everyone to stay together always - all thekids want that, adults I find often aren't so willing to share)
Anyway my o h told me to rest today andget back to paperwork tomorrow. Advice I plan to follow lol. But now I'm kinda feeling lonely and sad and wish I had someone to talk too as I can't talk to oh when he's with cw :-(
It's too quiet with just the two kids (I don't count the noise baby makes when crying as noise lol)
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WTF??!!!!
May 28, 2016 15:18:38 GMT
via mobile
Post by shiningbright on May 28, 2016 15:18:38 GMT
I hope you have a good day :-)
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Post by shiningbright on May 28, 2016 15:16:59 GMT
I hope all goes well :-)
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WTF??!!!!
May 28, 2016 9:48:25 GMT
via mobile
Post by shiningbright on May 28, 2016 9:48:25 GMT
I can relate, though I don't know what CBT is I am used to shocking emotional r ollercoasters.
I often find that my 'negative' emotional states, where I am angry or lonely or scared or just plain sad, often derive from 1 or 2 base 'fears/insecurities'.
I'm only saying this, not to belittle your feelings in any way but to share that my experience with feelings of self worth come from our own personal insecurities and fears of either n it being good enough or if kissing the people we love.
For adhders that fear might be a little more tense as it's generally harder for us to create lasting relationships and bonds, we've been hurt and ignored in our pasts and fear the same things happening in our futures.
Again is just generalisation based on my experience.
And bexause our brains work in a slightly different format to most of those around us we can often feel isolated, mocked and debilitated.
The reason I say all this is to point out that you feeling of worthlessness is unfounded- if others have treated you like that in the least it is a problem with their consciences not your self worth.
I have read a lot of your posts and find one can often tell quite a bit from how and when people write- again from experience- and you've always been supportive and friendly towaf ds others without promoting yourself above those on this forum. That shows that you are thoughtful and kind and, ultimately, thatyou are a worth while person.
As said before, most people who are worthless seem to think they're a cut above the rest- so using that logic then those who think that they are worthless most often aren't.
Bare in mind that worthlessness is a subjective term born of place, time and mostly circumstance. For examplen if I was put into a fight ring now I'd be totally worthless. But hand be a baby and I'm jolly good. But at 3 in the morning with a weekn of hardly any sleep and even that baby might benefit from another's pair of hands lol.
Sleep makes everything seem better.
As for loneiless- were all alone in one way if another, even nts struggle to understand theirnown brains lol, but what we do with what we kn ow i s what determines our loneliness.
I have my oh, my cowife (whob is being a bit odd with me of late) and one friend who talks to me maybe once a week. That's my social circle lol. I feel lonely a lot and I don't get out much. My oh is the only person who understands me and even then not much, but he is away most of the time leaving me to pretty m uch be a single mum to our two young kids. Everyday I go though an emotional rollercoaster of gratfulness for what I've got, anger for my seeming lack of support and sorrow for my isolation and limitations.
Again I only a at this as an example kf my perspective. Your perspective on your life is personal to you.
But you are thought of as worthwhile to me and, I'm confident, to others in your life.
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Post by shiningbright on May 28, 2016 9:07:50 GMT
It's hard sometimes. Nts seem to find their place in society so easily.
For us it takes some creative thinking on our and our employers part.
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Post by shiningbright on May 27, 2016 22:00:02 GMT
Thanks everyone - I'm free from the heavy paperwork load for today but, oddly enough, seem to be even more busy lol.
Spent the morning in hospital, the afternoon shopping then cleaning then cooking.
I've got to remind oh to take his meds and I've also got a teething baby and we have ohs older children (from ex) having sleepover - love it when they're over. Plus my cowife is coming to spend the night also so been sorting out bedding and rearranging furniture and such. Busy busy lol.
I'm kinda glad though - I love when I'm so busy doing physical things that I don't have ti worry about prolong focus. I can think freely while i cook and clean without feeli ng stressed by it.
Still got to sort booklets and such out.
I've spoken to one of his bosses today and he assured me that oh job is secure while he rests up and that he's pay will be sorted until insurance covers difference. But it's not a certain dispite what boss says as boss2 doesn't seem to like my oh - I tthink that he thinks my oh will try taking over the company. My oh has brought a Lot of revenue to the company and they kind of get 2 workers for one wage as my oiih and I work as a team (I make the resources and then he teaches them lol) and we let the company use our resources as they're better for the lower level learners. As B oss1 puts it 'were a valued part of the company family' but boss2 keeps saying things that he then goes back on and leaves my oh in the lurch with extra workat short notice. II've spoken to them in the past but oh does get fair benefits in return. At least it's B oss1 in charge log wage payments lol!
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Post by shiningbright on May 27, 2016 0:01:46 GMT
Something to look forward to then lol :-)
I honestly look forward to being and old woman. I don't want to wish my years away but I look forward to being able to reflect on what I've learnt over a life time and the happy memories of my children and, hopefully by then, grandchildren :-)
I pray I'll be one of those cool and useful grandparents :-) my gran was awesome but my mum isn't great to my kids bless her :-) we all got our times
Would there actually be any studies done in adhd i n the older age brackets? Surely it'd be harder to 'test' compared to to her age related ailments and then it would be difficult to define as it changes so with person and age. Adhd being relatively recent on the global stage maybe the studies simply aren't out yet...
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